Chapter 17 : To Be Destroyed

The next few days were hard. All I could think about was how Asmodeus told me there were eyes on me. How many of his brothers were watching me? Wondering if I was worth their energy. How many of them are cloaked in human skin? I couldn't help but wonder if he was referencing the other Princes of Hell, or the archangels. And which ones I should be more afraid of. If I could even feel fear. Once I left Asmodeus, I buzzed with adrenaline. Running off of energy more powerful than anything I had ever felt with him. Probably because there wasn't an illusion between us. Nothing to dampen his effect on me. Ever since...I could feel the power lessen. Ebbing away from me every second. I hated it. I craved more of it. To replenish the power I lost. Or perhaps the power I stole. My shoulders shuddered like I struggled with withdrawal. A heroin addict sweating out the drug. Shaky and paranoid. I still couldn't sleep. Only hungry. Starving bordering feral. It didn't matter how much I scrounged together. Food did nothing to fill the ache. The other hunger. Ravenous for something only a fucking demon could give me. And I wanted it. Craved it. I could feel where he was. Knowing how to get back to him. There wasn't enough distance between us. I needed to get out of this fucking town. Go to Maxine's. Sneak into Bill's office and steal my check. Buy a train ticket and leave. Start over somewhere else. Anywhere else. And if Bill was so unlucky to be there, I'd rip his throat out. The desire for violence shook me to the core. I didn't feel like myself anymore. I was more. Felt less human. Something else swarmed my blood. Soaking into my soul. Fusing the broken pieces together with something dark. I wasn't afraid of the consequences. Perhaps this was who I really was outside of the confines of basic needs. I didn't need to sleep anymore. Didn't need to rest. I kept moving. Never stopping. No one could catch me if I never stopped moving. Sliding between alleyways, I avoided the public eye. Just until the police activity calmed down. Until they stopped circling Maxine's. That's what I waited for. And finally, after three days, they did. Moving on to somewhere else they thought I'd be. I wanted to give it another day. Just in case. In the meantime, I tried to look as normal as possible. Moderately clean. Fresh clothes I changed into at a thrift store. I'd sit behind restaurants, waiting for them to throw out perfectly good food after closing. It started to feel easy. Or easier. I would survive. I always did. But there was one thing I needed. And that was cash. The sun began to set and I headed toward Maxine's under the cover of night. A dark chuckle left my lips as I thought about Bill. That pitiful excuse for a man. How cathartic would it be to make sure he can't hurt anyone else ever again? Then I thought of Sarah. How anguished she was in the bathroom after Bill hurt her. How the bastard held her check above my head too. It pissed me off. Rage bubbling within me, a fierce desire to protect her coursed through my veins. Sarah wasn't like me. She wasn't used to being broken. Learning how to survive despite the pain. Pushing through it. Letting it consume until you're numb. No. She was teetering the line. Fighting the cracks as they came, but all that did was increase the pressure. When I saw her in the bathroom, she broke. A fresh snap at the bone. It didn't matter what happened to me. Sarah had the chance to recover. She could mend. It was too late for me. I turned the corner toward Maxine's. Flashing lights stalled my approach as I pulled my hood tighter, hiding my face as much as possible. I debated retreating to the shadows, but this was different. This wasn't a cop stationed outside the diner. There were four cars, flashers on. A coroner's car waiting outside. Crime scene tape. They weren't there for me. Slowly approaching the crime scene, I tried to see if there was a way for me to slip past, and get into Bill's office. Take what was mine. Staff members I recognized waited outside to be interrogated by the cops. Sarah, Mia, Luis. I noticed not a single one of them looked upset. Sarah trembled and I could only assume she found it. A blanket wrapped around her shoulders. I watched a coroner wheel out a gurney with a blacked-out container. Not a body bag. A tub. I closed in, blending in with the crowd around the DO NOT CROSS tape. I listened to the chatter of the crowd, piecing together what happened. Gossip. Rumors. Closer to fact than nothing. "I heard they haven't identified the body." "It's probably the manager. They found a body splattered all over the walls in the management office." "There for days. No one checked on him until he started to smell." "Him?" "That's the only thing they could identify. It was severed from the body." The man speaking trembled in horror. "Fucking gruesome." I thought about Sarah's words. Her telling me to never go into Bill's office alone. Bill. A detective talked to Sarah, but she didn't seem to be absorbing anything. Her wide eyes gazed across the gathering crowd, pausing when she saw me. Her face paled as the cop berated her with questions. Eyes not leaving mine until the detective broke her line of sight with his business card. I watched her reactions. Dulled. Not surprised. Holding back. Lying. I could tell she was lying to the officer. Why? When the cops moved onto Luis and Mia, her gaze found mine again. She subtly tilted her head in the direction of the empty building next door. Ducking back from the crowd, I slid into the back alleyway next door. The cops were too preoccupied with Maxine's to notice me. I waited, leaning against the wall. Hands in the pockets of my hoodie. Ten minutes. Fifteen minutes. Soon, the blonde tiptoed behind the building. "Adira," she greeted softly. Her face was still pale, but to my surprise she stepped toward me, enveloping me in a warm hug. I almost veered back, away from the comfort. It felt too foreign, but Sarah tightened her arms. I gave into it, returning the embrace. "Are you okay?" I asked softly. "I'm fine," she replied, letting me go to stand across from me. "I've seen you all over the news." I crossed my arms, bracing myself to run if necessary. "Yeah." She tilted her head to the side, nothing but kindness in her eyes. "I'm glad you're okay. I have something for you." She reached into her pocket and retrieved a bloody envelope, holding it out to me. It was my check. "I didn't do it," she said softly. "I know what you did for me. Standing up for me. Thank you." I nodded, taking the check and pocketing it. "What happened?" Sarah looked away. "I don't know for sure. I came into work a few days ago and a man was leaving Bill's office. He had these bright golden eyes. He told me not to go inside. Pretend I never saw it." Her shoulders began to shake. "He was…covered in blood. I didn't know what to do, so I listened. He handed me our paychecks and…this," she reached into her pocket again, retrieving a business card. "He told me to give it to you. Said you'd be back." Asmodeus. Taking the card, I tucked it into my palm without looking at it. "I wanted to look into him. Figure out who he was. He had this…charisma about him…this drunken energy about him… but I decided that was a stone best left unturned," she explained. "For the best," I agreed. She didn't need to get involved with Asmodeus. He'd drag her into the darkness right next to me. Turn her into something else if he didn't kill her first. Then he'd turn around like he wasn't to blame. She nodded once, turning to retreat down the alleyway. She paused, looking at me. "Take care of yourself, Adira. Get out of this city. All it does is chew you up and spit you out." I couldn't agree more. As soon as Sarah was gone, I drew the business card up into my vision. I tried to ignore the decadent shiver running up my spine. Remembering how he felt between my thighs. How he made me feel. Drugging me with his scent, satisfying the creature within me. Tingles erupted across my skin as I looked at the card, as if I could feel his electric touch. It shouldn't feel like this. My mouth felt dry. Thirsty. Hunger buzzed in my system, shaking my hands. Every nerve in my system fired with desire. To destroy. Or be destroyed. It was a blank card, aside from one handwritten message in red ink. I need to see you. You know where. I glanced at the check again. He wasn't holding money over my head or forcing me to see him. This was a choice. Take the cash and run. Or give myself over to him. I thought about running. Right then and there. Hoping on a train. Holding onto the side of it for dear life. Or letting go to feel what it'd be like to feel the wheels dismember me. End the game. I would never be able to get away from him. No matter how badly I told myself I didn't want this. How I told myself it was a filthy thing to want. But that part of me died at that moment. Flittering and decaying into nothing. I didn't want to be clean. I didn't want to be good. Because I wanted him. All the darkness. All the evil. All the fucking power. There was nothing I wanted more. When I was good, I was broken. When I let people in, they took advantage of me. Sarah and Mia were safe because I let the darkness win, absolving them from a monster. The monster inside of me evolved around the broken parts, protecting me. I wanted to feed the hunger. Stop holding onto the false notion I was good. I was a liar. I found myself in front of the Den of Sin, in the moonlight. The club bounced with an erratic bass. Line of people out the door, eager to dance and drink and forget. But I didn't want to forget. I wanted to change. Metamorphisize into what I knew I really was inside. Seb noticed me in the back, hood on. He waved me forward, letting me walk around all the excited clubbers. I stepped inside, letting the music consume me. "So you're back," Lilith stated as I approached the bar. She poured me a drink, but I didn't take it. Her lips quirked into a grin as if I passed a test. I didn't want to dull my senses. I wanted to feel it all. I wasn't afraid. "He'll be down shortly." Nodding, I stepped out into the bustling bodies bumping and grinding against each other. Just like the first night. Feeling the music envelop me, but not with the haze of alcohol. I looked out of place amongst the cocktail dresses and high heels, but I didn't care. Firm hands encased my hips, dragging me back against an equally firm body. My hairs stood up on end, the touch as intoxicating as it always was. An ache forming inside of me, a pang of gnawing hunger for him. The familiar cologne surrounded me, enticing me. Like electricity across my skin, I reacted to him. I turned around, instantly struck by his beauty, even if I preferred his real face. My fingers danced across his jaw, nearly preening as he leaned into me. Accepting me. Wanting me. He dipped his head down, those pink lips of his brushing my ear. "Come with me, pet." Our hands slipped together as he led me from the dancefloor to a back staircase where he took me upstairs.