Chapter 12

"Do you like working with Wilma?" he finally asks, keeping his eyes steady, nothing in his voice betraying what he might be thinking and I sigh, somehow disappointed in his question but I don't know why.. "I guess … It's not as challenging as working for you though … Feels more like a holiday." I giggle as he tries to grab my leg impulsively, once again the atmosphere reverting to old, squeezing it in punishment. I bat his hand away realizing painfully we're forgetting ourselves again so easily. He straightens back up and shakes his head at me with a mock glare, his features relaxing as he sighs and smiles instead. That genuine non showy real one. I miss that smile. "I missed that sound." His revelation silences me, the ache inside grows bigger, and I try not to look directly at him. "I missed your grumpy bad moods and overbearing demands." I reply wittily, trying to shift the deep ache before it consumes me. "I miss drunk Emma." He retorts with a cheeky glint in his eye. I hate that he likes that version of me, a little jealousy seeps in and I react without thought. "You would … You're a terrible influence on her." Every word he says is making my heart heavier with longing. He has no idea how much he affects me or how hard this is sitting here with him. We're swerving through traffic and I can't help but be impressed with his ability to drive this car in the chaotic New York traffic. I'm relaxed, despite the lurches in my stomach every time he hits the gas. This car is immense, getting up to speed so quickly. He's quiet for a few moments, seemingly thinking, then turns to me with a serious expression once more. "Gabrielle will be gone before the end of the week, Emma … I promise. He had no right to lay a hand on you or say anything to you that made you uncomfortable." The no nonsense tone and dead pan expression remove the traces of lightness from the atmosphere. "I seem to attract it somehow," I reply, quietly, catching his frown from the corner of my eye and he sighs heavily. "Men want what they can never hope to have … You have no idea just how beautiful you are, and it's part of the allure … You're vulnerable and young, yet there's something so unbelievably sexy about you and you turn heads with zero effort. Men like that should be strung up … You deserve far more in life." His words startle me, and I dart a look at him, catching my breath. "You think that about me?" I squeak. He's never said anything like this before or told me anything about how I look to him. I always assumed men looked at me like an easy target, someone who longed to be abused. Just like I assumed Jake only ever saw me as his mildly attractive assistant and friend. "You mean, do I think you're beautiful and sexy, yet vulnerable and innocent? Yes, I do" His eyes lock onto mine, my insides sizzling as my face heats with a blush. Oh my god. His words seduce me as much as he does. Is this a Carrero line? Is he being genuine? No one has ever told me anything like this before; all I see when I look in a mirror is the shadow of an awkward girl in the body of a cold, plain woman. He pulls up to another set of lights, the car powering down to a gentle purr. "I don't know what to say." I squirm in my seat, my face burning, and I'm overcome with shyness. I let my hair fall forward, concealing me. I have absolutely no clue how to react to his confessions. "You don't need to say anything … I'm being honest. Looking like you do doesn't give men permission to behave the way they do … I can't exactly take the moral high ground, can I?" He sighs defeatedly. Our eyes meet quickly. I flush at the memory of him making love to me as it floods into my mind. I turn away quickly as emotion hits me hard in the stomach knowing that night will haunt me forever and continuously break my heart. Crap … Yes, he could. That night was consensual, and I wanted him just as much as he wanted me. I still want him! "You're nothing like the rest of them," I breathe morosely. "I wish I felt like I wasn't," he mumbles, barely audible, eyes forward like he's ashamed. I have no words. Does he really believe he forced me? Does he think he's done to me what other men have done and forced himself upon me? How can he think that? We kissed more than once, long before that night in the hotel, I kissed him back. I clung to him with a fever so hot it almost consumed me. "I wanted it … Please don't ever say that again." I utter softly, laying a hand on his leg without thinking about what's appropriate. Our eyes lock, heat building in the small confines of the car and tension sparks almost instantly. I want him to kiss me so badly, I can almost taste it. His lips part and his pupils dilate. I want to throw myself across the car into him, my body responding insanely fast, shivers taking over. How the hell did this start? He snaps his head away, looking around, and throws the car into a right turn which shunts me in my seat. Luckily, I'm restrained by my seat belt. He steers us down an alleyway into unlit darkness, then with a roar and a lurch forward, we slam to a halt. He jumps out, leaving me bewildered and shocked as he comes around and yanks open my door. Confused and dazed, I stare at him as he unclips my belt and hauls me from my seat, pushing me against the rear body of the car. He crushes his mouth into mine, knocking the wind out of me with the sheer unexpectedness of it. My hands come up to wrap around his neck instinctively as his fingers tangle in my hair, and his other hand swings around my back to haul us together. My ass grinds against the cold metal as his body pushes hard into mine, kissing me with fevered abandon. We groan in unison. Our tongues meet and our mouths mold perfectly, in rhythm. Effortlessly matched movements, that ignite my fire. I love kissing him, he makes it feel like the easiest thing in the world and all thoughts of what we're doing fly off in abandonment. This is what I have longed for. His hands release me, coming down under my butt to cup my upper thighs. He hoists me up as my legs open to move around his waist, my skirt seam rips up the back violently to allow for extra movement and I gasp against his lips. My body is slid up the sleek hood of the car to rest on top of it, our heads at the same height for once. My inner body spiraling out of control, heated, and sizzling inside, my heart pounding erratically, almost jumping through my chest as I self-implode with desire. His kiss deepens passionately, our tongues caress erotically and there it is, kissing like we've always been made to do it. Hot and fire fueled, consumed only with how it feels. I want to fall into this and never wake up. I want to be devoured by him endlessly. This is everything I've needed to heal my heart, all the pain melting away, replaced with hunger and a sense of completion as I cling to him desperately, sliding my arms around his neck. I am hauled hard against his growing desire in his pants, and it makes me burn inside. My body clenching with heat as his hands squeeze my butt. He pulls me into his groin fully. I need him. I want this more than anything I've ever wanted in my life. My hand trails down his front, skirting his carved abdomen shamelessly to pull his shirt up so I can feel his naked, taut skin. My fingers crawl under the thin material greedily, along the tickle of hair, down toward his waist band and throbbing muscle. He groans, pushing against me firmly as one hand slides up my inner thigh until his thumb comes to the lace edge of my panties. I thrust my pelvis forward, aching for him to keep going as his thumb traces over the outside of the material, over my femininity, sending tingles and waves of pleasure through me. God … I groan in ecstasy. Peeling me off the car, picking me up, he walks with my body wrapped around him fiercely, mouths still connected. The cool air around my underwear and my naked legs, one of my shoes falls off, hitting the ground with a clatter but I don't care. His mouth pleasures mine as he maneuvers me then sits me on hard sloping metal, tipping me back to lay down as he scoops forward on top of me, his mouth moving to my neck. Warm breath causes a million sensations to flow through me as I grapple my arms out to stop myself sliding down, realizing I'm on the hood of his car, sheaved in darkness under the edge of a fire escape. His groin comes to meet mine, stopping me from falling further, and pushes against me for a moment, a hard thrust as we collide. Dizzying lust soars through me before his hand finds me again. I push my fingers into his hair, arching my body up to him hungrily, with one swift tug he rips my lace underwear off, leaving a burning sensual pain across my skin that drives me crazy. I squeak in surprise, moaning as his hand moves back to tease me into submission, exploring my warm depths deliciously, tracing me out. I writhe around under his expert touch, savoring the weight of his body over me. His hand explores me, teases, and stimulates my body and I'm more than ready to lose all control, surrendering to him. I'm soaring, my heart is lifting at his attention, my emotions reeling with mounting happiness as he slides his fingers across the slick depths of me and I gasp at the contact. Suddenly, his attention snaps up, unexpectedly, leaving us both breathing heavily, he stops and pulls his fingers away. His eyes focus on mine and his expression changes, from heavy and fiery lust to sudden ice-cold blankness. He pulls my hands from what they're doing to him, feeling his erection out, grabs my wrists and harshly pins them to the car by my head. His expression is so angry suddenly, and his glare is so frosty, it makes me catch my breath, cooling my body as though he's thrown me in ice. "This is why I made you leave, Emma … This shit that I do to you! This shit we do to each other!" He rasps then lets me go, pulling away so I slip down unexpectedly on the smooth surface with a squeal. He catches me and slides me to my feet, almost aggressively. Missing one stiletto, I stumble against him and grab his arms for support somehow angering him. He picks me up like a child and marches me around the car, wordlessly, depositing me into my seat harshly. He retrieves my shoe and hands it to me before slamming the door shut, almost in my face.