Chapter 11: Long Nights

Evie Stanton Thane seemed distracted for the remaining duration of dinner. Part of me was happy he wasn't asking any more questions. The rum had loosed my inhibitions, and I shared more than I wanted to. I felt thankful he conceded, giving me some privacy to get dressed for bed. I undid the sash around my waist, dropping the crimson fabric against the headboard. "…you would've found yourself in my cabin, cuffed to my headboard under different pretenses." A shiver ran down my spine. My skin became hot to the touch. I brushed Thane's words from my mind. I kicked off my shoes, keeping my socks on. After unclipping the buttons on the front of the leathered pants, I pushed them off. Instantly, I felt more comfortable. I climbed beneath the furs, suddenly bombarded with his scent. The mouthwatering scent of musk and brine. I ignored the erotic stroke between my thighs. I've slept in Thane's bed once in only a shirt. Why would this be any different? Because, he'd be in bed with you. That thought made me feel even hotter. Desire coiled in my stomach, and I could feel my core dampen at every sultry thought. Could I even share a bed with him? Keep my hands to myself? I would have to. That curiosity had to be snuffed. The man captured me. Threw me on his ship and left the harbor. Took me far away from home. Why didn't I hate him for that? No. No. I did hate him. I hated the arrogance in his voice. I hated how his eyes would darken if I said something he didn't like. I hated how those strikingly blue eyes felt against me. Trailing down my back. Even fully dressed, I felt bare. I didn't even need to look at him to feel them. Hot despite the frosty color. I could feel my face heat when I thought about the boldness of my words during dinner. If you didn't know who I was, would you have fucked me? Why in the nine blazing rings of hell did I say that? I only had two sips of my rum. I felt mortified. But even in the bitter aftertaste of embarrassment, satisfaction sweetened my tongue as I watched his face flush only the smallest bit. His skin tone was a deep amber, so if I wasn't looking at him so closely, I wouldn't have noticed. The thought I could affect him as much as he affected me washed my skin with a vibrating hum of relentless tingles. My entire body ached, a pulse of desire rushed from the apex of my thighs, asking to be touched. My shoulders tensed, my heart beating hard in my chest. I thought about how Thane leaned in, listening to me during dinner. He would swirl that glass of rum in one hand before bringing it to his lush mouth. I had never wanted to be a rocks glass so badly in my entire life. If I were bolder, I would have knocked that glass out of his hand and pulled him against me for a hungry, unrestrained kiss. I wanted to feel his pillowy lips against mine. I wanted him to tangle his fingers in my hair and tug at it. My heart pounded even harder. My body flushed, the foreign sensation running rampant. Is this what it felt like to crave someone? Lust and I were never on the same page. I had touched myself before, but nothing I did really satisfied me. Nothing like this. Like being set on fire. And at the root of all my fantasies were unusual blue eyes. So interesting, oddly the color of the phenomenon when snakes change their eye color before they shed their skin. Even when we first met, how he cornered me, his voice deep and dark. I was ashamed to admit how much I liked it. A delicious mix of fear and desire. The bundle of nerves at the front of me swelled and ached, demanding release. Oh, God, release of what? My heart pounded, my fingertips eager to ease my discomfort. But as soon as I started, I wouldn't be able to stop. I would chase that impending release. Thane would catch me, pleasing myself in his bed. I didn't know whether that aroused or scared me. All my thoughts were disrupted when I heard a quiet, gruff groan. Before I could think about it, my legs carried me out of the bed, curious to find the source of the sound. I stepped toward the side door, hearing the noise again, but this time louder. I opened the door quietly, unable to stop myself. All I could see was Thane, leaning against the far wall. He was panting, pants pulled around his thighs, one hand feverishly working something I couldn't see. I gasped, eyes devouring up the sight. He froze for a moment, and I was afraid he'd turn around and see me watching. Fuck, just look at him. His back was pulled taut, muscles straining as he continued running his hand up and down, harder and faster. A throaty noise left his lips, and I sighed breathlessly. My eyelids fluttered as I devoured him with my eyes. The bead of desire coiling in my stomach grew hotter, moistening my thighs. I wanted to touch myself. I wanted to give in to how his body was making me feel. If I didn't touch myself, I felt like the fire inside me would burn me down. I couldn't help myself as I ran my hand down my abdomen to the part of me that burned the worst. A gasp flew from my lips when I touched the inflamed skin. The strip of fabric between my legs was drenched as I touched myself through it to indulge that desire. I watched him, moaning under my breath with every shy stroke of my fingers. Flicking at the tender nub pulsing with need. I wanted to tell Thane to turn around. I wanted to look at him. The thought of him eagerly stroking himself for me had me blinking back torturous tears. I whimpered, my breath catching as pleasure pulsed down my legs. But I couldn't do it. I wasn't bold enough to tell him what I wanted. It was better if he didn't know what I was doing. But the idea of getting caught stoked the flames even hotter. Everything felt so slick as I rubbed myself harder, my voice contorting into a sharp whine. My entire body wound up tight. I imagined Thane turning around, pinning me up against the wall. I wanted to know how his erection felt against me. Inside me. I wanted him to know how wet he was making me. My cheeks flushed with shame at what I was doing. Using him. Getting off on watching him. But I couldn't stop. My entire body burned and ached, taking me to an entirely different place. I pulled my panties to the side, using one finger for an exploratory stroke at the entrance of my sex. I gasped again, dipping my finger inside, followed by another. Helplessly, my hips moved up and down against my hand in sync with Thane's hand. My eyes rolled back as I fingered myself harder, how I imagined he would do it. Someone experienced showing me how to get myself off. White flitters of light danced across my vision, my sensitive walls clenching hard around my fingers. I bit my lower lip, unable to stop the shrill whine as I shuddered, orgasming hard around my hand. My fingers moved faster, extending my peak as my back arched. Embarrassment mottled my cheeks in realization of how loud I just was. Thane's back strained, the muscle in his neck clenched. Suddenly, I heard him grunt loudly, his shoulders shuddering as he fell slack against the wall. Heat enwrapped my body again at the sound of his release. He panted, taking a moment to collect himself before pulling his pants back up. Shame washed over me again. He was going to turn around any second. See me standing there with my hand in my panties. He'd see what a mess I was. I withdrew my hand, taking off toward the bed. I dove under the covers and pretended to be asleep. Bundled myself up in furs, to hope to get as many layers between Thane and I as possible. If I felt his body heat, then the fire within me would come to life again. He took a few more minutes, I assume to clean himself up. I had heard the male orgasm could be messy. I closed my eyes tight, willing sleep to come and put an end to my mortification. Heavy footsteps approached the bed. I heard him getting undressed for bed and I slowly peaked my eyes open to glimpse his broad bare back. That tattoo slithered under his skin. He turned and from under my eyelashes, I took in his chiseled chest and wide shoulders. Blue eyes shot to mine, and I snapped mine shut. "Are you awake, sweetheart?" Sweetheart? While he had used that word for me before, he never said it like that. Softly. Like a term of endearment instead of out of spite. In response, I grumbled and rolled over to the other side, continuing the facade. The bed dipped, and he got in beside me, under the covers. I felt the warm breeze of his breath stroking my cheek. "Have it your way, princess. I just hope it was good for you too," Thane whispered. I couldn't stop the gasp from flying past the seam of my lips. He knew I was there. And he kept going. He laid down next to me, keeping at least a foot between us, but I could still feel his heat. I burrowed deeper into the covers. This never happened, I decided. And if Thane had enough decency, then he would pretend too. I expected to feel antsy sleeping next to him, but Thane's steady breathing and the slight rock in the ship guided me into the deepest slumber. At some point during the night, I was shaken awake by a night terror. My heart pounded out of my chest. My eyesight was hazy, and the room was spinning. I felt dizzy with fright. I might have screamed, but I don't remember. The monsters of my dreams were illusive, and I never remembered what they looked like, just that they scared me. I frequently had night terrors since I was a child. Even then, I had no one to calm me down, so I had to learn to do it myself. As I entered adulthood, they became less and less common. But once in a while, I'm reminded of what it's like to wake up alone, cold and afraid. In the haze of my half asleep mind, hard hands smoothed down my arms, soothing me back down into the covers. Something firm encircled me and I pushed up against it, nuzzling against the comfort. I didn't wake up again that night. When the sun woke me the next morning, I had curled up on Thane's side of the bed, but he was nowhere to be found. At least he wasn't there to see me with my face buried against his pillow. His hat and jacket were off the coat rack. He must've gotten up for the day already. I stood up, getting dressed in my pants and sash. What should I do today? Still a few days until we docked. Once I put my shoes back on, I glanced at Thane's bookcase. He told me I could borrow any book except the one on his desk. Granted, that only made me curious to read it. What would a man like Thane like to read? Did he like adventure books, like me? I selected a title from his bookshelf, tucked it under my arm and stepped out onto the deck. As usual, there was a sparring ring. Thane threw some poor sap around before Gunner passed him a cutlass for the next round. He could throw me around like that. I averted my gaze from him and found a shady place under the steps to read a new story. Anything to distract myself from all my confusing, conflicting thoughts of Thane.