Chapter 9

Ivan's POV Everyone thought, we were happy. That the two of us have a strong bond. That no matter what the problem is we will not be overwhelmed. But no, they are wrong. And I know in myself that I am to blame for why we are like this today. No, I'm stupid. I sent in my anger. But is there a destination? Nothing right? I was too stubborn. I became numb to everything that was happening to us. I thought, right, he deserved all my pain with him because he ruined my life. If she hadn"t come into my life, Lara and I might be happily together now. But now, there was a question in my mind. Was everything I did with her right? Am I right to hurt him? Is it right for me to make her daily life miserable? Now, I accept that. If I hadn't made a mistake then all this wouldn't have happened. But I don"t regret having a child, because I believe god bless those like my son Ice. I'm confused, I have a doubt. I can not understand myself. Ever since he said he prefers me over his friends, my white heart has felt joy. I was nervous those times because I thought he was going to leave me really. I was nervous for no apparent reason. That same day, I realized that he was not really to blame for what was happening. He was also just a victim. That made me do the things that I never thought I would do. I was relieved when I served him when he was sick, when I opened the car door for him for the first time, and when I spoke to him in a calm voice for the first time. I carry a box of her favorite chocolates and a bouquet of roses. She will definitely be happy and surprised. All he knew was I was in a meeting but no, I went out of the resort to buy them. I was about to enter the elevator when someone grabbed my arm. I frowned and looked at the person holding my arm and I was shocked to see who it was. "Hi babe. Missed me?" Lara asked smiling in a soft voice. "Larisse?" Kunot when I asked. He just nodded at me. I looked to my right and my left, all around because someone might see us. I sighed and gently pulled his arm and we entered my office here at the hotel. When we entered the hotel I couldn't stop him when he grabbed me with a kiss. I felt numb from his kiss so I didn't respond. It"s refreshing, why do I feel this way? He stopped and frowned at me. "Why are you not responding?" He asked frowning. I sat on the sofa and sighed then placed the rose and chocolate on the center table. He leaned over me and took my arm and leaned his head on my arm. "Larisse, what are you doing here?" I asked him a serious question. He moved away from me a little. I saw him pick up the rose and chocolate on the center table. The
his eyes were overjoyed. "Is this for me?" He asked while smiling. I snatched it from him and put it back on the center table. I sighed and turned to him. His smile faded and was replaced by a frown. "It's not for you, it's for Rigella." I said with a serious tone. "Now, what are you doing here, Larisse?" He stared at me and shrugged. "Duh, of course I'm visiting my boyfriend. We haven't seen each other in a while. Didn't you miss me?" He asked a sullen question. I took a deep breath and asked him to hug me. I kissed him on the forehead before speaking. "Of course not. I missed you. How's your vacation in Korea? Did you enjoy?" He moved a little away from me and I saw the smile on his lips. "Of course, I enjoyed it! Know what, the foods there are delicious. And also the famous singers and actors there? I met them all, finally! I hope, I'm with you that time. It'll be happier when I'm with you. " She pouts her lip that's why I gave her a peck on her lips. She smirked and pinched my nose. "You know, I can't join you that time ..." I said. He grinned. "I know. You're planning for me to live in your house. So, what's up? Have you tamed Rigella yet? Can I live in your house now?" He asked one question after another. I pinched her cheek and kissed it afterwards. God knows how much I love this woman. "It's okay now. Maybe in a day or two, you can live at home. Just give me time, Larisse." He sighed and snorted. "Finally. By the way, I have a lot to meet you. I have everything in my luggage. I have a suite here." He smiled. I laughed and pinched his cheek. With all my heart Lara is flesh. My love for her is unparalleled. "I love you so much, Larisse." He snorted as if suppressing a smile. "I love you too, Ivan. Hmp, maybe Rigella is very happy because of the efforts you made for her." He pretended to be sulking. I cupped her face. "You know it's just nothing, Larisse. That's just part of our plan, right? Don't worry, you're the one I love. It's just you." "Psh, really? Maybe you fell for him and I just disappeared for a while?" Aniya. I was stunned by his question. No, impossible. I love Lara so much. And Rigella? I just pity her. I shook her hand and smiled, like I'm assuring her. "No, Larisse. It's really just you, I promise. I love you so much ..." He grinned. "I know that, babe. I'm just joking. I love you so much too." I pulled her a hug. Damn, I missed Lara so much even though we haven't seen each other for a few days. ~ • ~ Rigella's POV We are going home now. Our three day vacation at the resort is over. I enjoy it, as long as my child enjoys it. But why is that? It would have been okay, our vacation would have been perfect if I hadn"t just overheard their conversation. I turned to Ivan who was leaning his head on my shoulder and sleeping peacefully. How is he able to sleep after he cheated on me? I hope he didn't make me too happy if he just hurt me like this. I gasped when I remembered how I listened to their conversation, I was surprised because Ivan was away for five hours so I went down to the lobby and found out he was in the office. There was only a door between the three of us. They were so happy because they met again but me? I feel like a fool crying while listening to them. And when I heard how they exchanged those three words, I felt like my heart was crushed and I could do nothing but run away. How do they do this to me? They have no conscience. Ivan was even able to give me roses and chocolates, he was different. What are his promises for? The one he said we should rebuild our family? Was all that just part of his plan and pretense? Stupid, very painful. She didn't even think about how her son would feel. He never embarrassed us again. Imagine, he will put his fixture in our house? Is he still human? I took a deep breath to hold back my tears. I'm so broken. I"ve already given him a chance to fix everything on us, but what? He just broke us even more. I looked at my son. I don"t know what her reaction will be once her daddy loves someone else. Jusko, my son is unfortunate. When we got home I tried to smile to hide how I really felt. I'm done cooking our lunch today. I set the table and when I was done I removed the apron. I sighed when someone hugged me from behind. In stature and smell, I knew it was Ivan. I took a deep breath at the same time as dripping a grain of my tears. I secretly wiped it and removed Ivan's arm from my waist and faced him. I saw his shock but he immediately smiled as well. But me, I was just looking at him seriously. "Hm, the smell of what my wife cooked. Can I call Ice so we can eat together?" He asked. My spouse. It would have been sweet to listen to and good to hear but ... it hurts. It hurts because I know he's just pretending. "I ... Ivan, that's right ..." I pleaded with the tears I had been holding back. He frowned and tried to hold my arm but I immediately walked away and took his hand away. "Ri ... Rigella?" Kunot noo he said. "It's enough to pretend please, Ivan ... It hurts. It hurts so much!" My voice was almost hoarse from crying so much. "Wha ... What do you mean?" He asked almost in a whisper. I violently wiped away my tears. "Don't disguise yourself because I already know, Ivan! Do you think I haven't heard you before?" My voice went from page to page and I was about to sit on the floor. "Now, tell me the truth ... is it all a lie?"

Rigella's POV

"Now, tell me the truth ... is it all a lie?"

He couldn't answer my question and just averted his eyes. Funny, I was crying in front of him again. I feel sorry for myself. Can I take a break from the pain first? I don't want to, I'm so tired.

I sat up but restrained myself from squatting on the floor. I get angry, I get disgusted and mostly, I get hurt. Why do I have to experience all this? All my life, I have served God faithfully. Even if I wanted to ask him why I was in pain and blame him ... I couldn't. Because I have strong faith in him.

I smiled bitterly. It's also my fault, I believed in his sweet words and in his efforts which were just pure pretense.

A few more minutes of silence prevailed. It looks like he really didn't want to answer my question so I just spoke.

"For seven years, Ivan ... you didn't make me feel anything but pain. That's all ..." my voice was almost hoarse but I tried to speak.

"... I sometimes think of leaving you, but I can't because I'm worried about our son. Ice. I can only imagine how he looks and how he will feel when we're not the whole family like he's killing me. So even if I'm hurt, I'm trying to be strong for Ice. I love her so much ... "

I covered my face so he wouldn't see how miserable I looked. It's always like this. I'm the one who's always hurting and crying. Nakakasawa na.

"... But Ivan, it's too much. I'm about to die from the weight of my heart. From the pain here in my heart. I'm about to get depressed. But I don't care about all that because it's more important Ice. He's more important! "

I struggled to stand up and wiped away my tears. Ivan was looking at me now and I could see the compassion and pity in his eyes. He's stupid, I don't need his mercy.

"... And you, I love you so much more than myself. There is no love left for myself because I love you so much. But why can't you be content? I did nothing but serve you, love you and be honest with you. But why do you just ignore it, huh? Why ?! " I grabbed the collar of her dress and over it. I shook him and I saw the nervousness and fear on his face. Her lips were also trembling. Why is he scared? Is it because I found out they cheated on me with his hook?

He tried to hold my hand but I immediately pulled you away. This time, I want to bring out all the thoughts with him. It was very difficult for me to absorb all of this. For seven years, I have had this disease.

"Ri ... Rigella ..." he tried to touch me again but I pulled myself away from him.

"You shut up, Ivan! You're a demon! You have no conscience! How can you hurt me like this, huh? You should have just killed me!" I was sobbing and my eyes were dimming from crying.

"I'm sorry-"

"I don't need your sorry, Ivan! That's less than all the pain, bruises and wounds you've caused me. You're an animal. Isn't it enough that you hurt me physically for me to pay for the It's my fault for you? Do you have to hurt me so badly first to be satisfied ?! "

He tried to hold me uit and he succeeded this time. I can't leave because I'm weak.

"It's not what you think, Rigella ..." he almost stammered.

My blood boiled at what he said. I tried to remove his hand from my arm and when I succeeded I slapped him hard on the cheek. I have wanted to do this for a long time.

"It's not what I think, huh? I knew it all along, Ivan! I want revenge because your dreams in life with Lara didn't go through. And, congratulations! You did hurt me now! What, are you happy now , huh? Are you happy ?! " I pushed his chest so he could get away from me.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and stabilized my expression. I don"t want to look miserable in his eyes.

"... Trusting you is the last thing I'll do in my whole life, Ivan. You broke the rest of my trust in you, I'm so stupid that maybe I'll trust you, right?"

I saw the masculinity of his eyes and the cleft of his lips. I sighed and grinned sarcastically before he looked me straight in the eye and spoke.

"All right, let your fixture live here in this house. But expect me not to leave here and I will fight for my right to this house." I turned my back on him and was about to leave but I forgot to say something so I faced him again.

I was about to speak but he immediately preceded me. "T-Thank you, Rigella ..." Aniya.

My jaws were left open with what he said. What the? Has he even really been able to thank me? Really stupid.

I just smiled and stared. "You're welcome." I said sarcastically but you immediately disappeared when I remembered what I had to say to him. "All right, have fun now, Ivan. But be scared too. Be scared of how your son will react." I said seriously to him and turned around then walked away.

From now on, I will be tough with him. All right, let him put his fixture in our house. But he never expected me to be submissive to them. They are animals.

~ • ~

Here I am in the park, crying again. Again e.

I thought, I"ve released all the resentment I"ve had before. But no, because there is still some left. So here I am now, like a gaga crying.

I'm sitting on the swing, here Ivan and I used to play in this park/playground. I don"t know why my feet brought me here. Maybe it's because I'm used to crying here and venting all my resentment. It's private and we're the owner so I'm the only one.

I rocked myself on the swing and looked at the green grasses I was stepping on. It's also been a few years since I last went here. Maybe, before the wedding that was my last guest here.

I still remember those times. Here I cried and cried because I was pregnant. I promised my parents that I would finish school and work before I got married but ... all those promises were broken because I was pregnant.

But I don't regret it because ... it's my son and ... Ivan is the father. They even planned to abort my baby but they didn't because I had already told Ivan's parents about my pregnancy. Ivan married us right away.

Ever since Ivan and I got married, I feel like I don"t know myself anymore. In the past, I still loved myself and I could still do everything I wanted but now, it's different. My little respect and dignity for myself was diminished because of him.

My deep thoughts were interrupted when the heavy rain fell. The weather seems to sympathize with the killing of my heart. I don't know but even though I'm soaking wet I can't leave and take shelter.

After a while I felt like I could no longer read but it was still raining. Hala?

I looked up and my eyes widened at who I saw.

"Seymour ..." I called to him in disbelief.

He sat next to me while holding an umbrella. His face was serious just looking ahead.

I hugged myself when I felt cold. Shit, what was I thinking and did I rain? Fortunately, Seymour supported me.

He must have noticed that I was getting cold so he turned to me. I could not read the expression on his face or even in his eyes. It's refreshing. But, I missed him.

He brought the handle of the umbrella closer to me so I frowned. I saw her grin.

"Hold this." He said and almost increased the coldness I felt because of the coldness of his voice.

I swallowed and held the umbrella. I was surprised when he removed his coat. He placed it in front of me and it looked like it had become a little blanket. My coldness also decreased. He picked up the umbrella and folded it when the rain stopped.

"Thank you ..." I said to her and smiled slightly.

He just nodded at me and looked in front of him again. Surprisingly, he is here but I forgot that he has access to it because the guard already knows him.

"Why are you making it rain?"

I almost fell off the swing when he suddenly spoke. Surprisingly, I thought he would never shut me up again. I am ashamed of him because of what happened when we last met.

"Uhm, what ..." I didn't know what to say to him.

"Next time, don't let it rain again. You know you can get sick easily ..." he said and my lips parted when I heard his concern.

I sneezed and nodded. "No longer..."

He was silent again but this time, he was staring at me and no longer in front of him. I averted my eyes and played with my finger.

"I know what happened to you ..." He said so I turned to him.

My mouth was covered so I could not speak. She stared into my eyes and I saw pity, pain and sadness in her eyes.

I was shocked when he wiped my cheek. I realized that I was crying again.

"Even though you chose her more than Roxanne and me, I still can't help but worry about you so ... every time I have free time at work I look at you far away from your house. Lately, I've been breathing a sigh of relief. I can already see your smile. But since you left, I've seen you cry again so I'm investigating what happened to you and I found out that he cheated on you again ... "he wiped my tears again and I asked for a hug.

I cried even harder when he hugged me. My luck is because I have a bestfriend who never left me even though I hurt him. My luck is with Seymour.

I quietly cried as I hugged her. After a while, he let go. Smiling, he wiped away my tears and kissed me on the forehead for a moment.

"Shh ... don't cry anymore. I'm here again. I won't let this happen to you again, okay? Stay, cupcake ..."

I smiled because he called me. My Seymour is really back. I wiped away my tears.

He put his arm around me and I leaned on his shoulder. I was confused when I felt dizzy. Lately my dizziness has become more frequent. I wonder why.

Seymour apparently noticed that I was not feeling well so he went home. I mean, Roxanne and I will stay in the condo unit today. Seymour said he had already talked to Roxanne and she told me what had happened. My best friend forgave me too.

We got up from sitting on the swing. My dizziness intensified so I regained my senses. My vision is also blurring.

"CUPCAKE!"

That's the last words I heard before everything went black ...

To be continued...