Chapter 12

I put on a brave face and behave as if everything is fine when it isn't. I was exhausted even though I hadn't done anything to make me tired.I simply want to go home and lie down in my bed for a while. Even though I'm trying to listen, I don't have enough stamina to focus on the lectures. I simply jot down all of the crucial terms that the teacher says so that I may study them afterwards. I'm glad we didn't have any quizzes today since I'm sure I won't be able to obtain the perfect score that everyone expects of me. Aly and I, on the other hand, had lunch together earlier. She's incredibly sweet, and I hope she'll always be by my side.I'd like to make friends with her. I just don't want to ask her or do anything that shows my interest in her since I want her to join me as a friend. I don't want to put too much pressure on people. I want them to choose to be with me and stay with me. So maybe I don"t have any friends in my home province because of the height level of my pride. But it's okay with me. I don't miss having no friends. I only push myself into Jas. He is the only person I will find a way to stay and choose me. And to see the woman I envy makes me weak. I didn't expect that Baki's life status would be like that.When I initially saw her, I assumed she was just like everyone else. Now it's not just about what she knows about Jas; she also has an advantage over me in terms of her image. In comparison to me, all of the students here are familiar with her compared to me. I'm just a nobody. I only contribute intellect and can disappear when destructed. "Are you sure you're okay?" Aly asked. I gave her a smile and a nod at the same moment. "I'm fine, Aly," I said, "I'm just weary." Because Jas was there, I only slept for a few hours yesterday night. And because of my bad thoughts regarding Baki, the weight of my head grew even heavier. I wish I hadn't arrived earlier at the soccer field so I wouldn't have seen her. Regrets are indeed at the end of the road. "Where are you heading home?" Aly questioned once again as we put our book and notebook into our bag. All of our classmates had already left, and we were the only ones remained in our room because, unlike our classmates, we finished what was written on the board. "Aly, I live in St. Thomas; why did you ask for information?" "Oh, I was just thinking about inviting you to join us, but I live in St. Jacob, so our location is in a different direction." 'It was fortunate because I might have saved money on the fare.' That's what my mind tells me, but if she insists on taking me with her, I'm not going.Apart from being awkward, I'm not sure if we're actually friends or if she's forced to be friends with me since no one else wants to be. We're on the same stage, so it's just a matter of us being in the same room.

"It's fine, Aly," I laughed, "but don't be too kind to me or I could mistreat you." "I know you're not like that," she said, smiling. "That's why I want you to be my friend." I'm not sure why, but my heart began to melt. My whole body was tingling with her wonderful voice and heartwarming words. I'm in a state where I'm resisting the need to hug her. I tried to keep my gaze away from her. I got up and grabbed my things, getting ready to leave our room. "You don't have a choice," I said. She shook her head and grabbed my wrist, indicating that what I was thinking was incorrect. "I chose you not because I didn't have a choice; I chose you because that's what I wanted. Let's go home," she said as she yanked me out the room. Because of what she said, I'm speechless. This is how it feels to make a choice because she wants to and not because she is forced to. It felt amazing, and my knees were almost trembling with joy. I just felt that now, and I'm grateful to her for making me experience it. I'm glad she'll be a part of my days, and I hope we'll be able to stay together and she won't be intimidated by my acts. I will not ask her to come if she has grown bored of me and has chosen to stay away from me in the end. Apart from my family, Jas is still the person to whom I am most attached, thus I will only give up my pride to him. Not for anyone else. Not even to Aly. "Oum, Aly," I say as I hold her back. She asked innocently, "Why?" "Let's go to the locker room first, and I'll just leave something," she said, and we walked over to the locker room. When we arrived, I had already placed another book that I wouldn't need later in my locker and was about to close it when I heard a footstep and recognized voices approaching me. When I turned to Aly, she knelt, as if scared to show her face to the approaching people.Even me, I don"t want to show up either. I don't want them to see me especially Baki. I don"t know what I will do when I face her here on campus. I don't know if I'm going to pretend I don't know her or talk to her. I remained stand at my position while covering my face with the door of my own locker.There is only one locker between Baki's locker and mine, and I'm not sure if she has already recognized me because I feel like someone is staring at me. One of the five soccer players Aly described previously said, "Why do I seem to see something, bro?"His name was Von, as I remembered. He is the soccer team's goalkeeper. "Just hurry up, guys," shouted another of their friends, Teren, who has been described as a playboy since freshman year. At the same time, I bit my bottom lip and gulped. I just want to flee from them, but I don't want Baki to notice me.I was at a loss on what to do! My shoes seem to be stuck to the floor, so I'm hoping Aly just pulls me out of nowhere. Baki was perplexed. "Why? Why would Ivan stay here?" she asked, her voice authoritative. Despite the fact that I had done nothing wrong, I was terrified. I shut my locker and exited the area without glancing at any of them. I had the distinct impression that Aly had followed me. I forgot I had anyone with me because I was so frightened before, and I simply left her. I was scared to meet Baki and to the fact that she knew something she shouldn't know. I know I shouldn't be impacted, but that doesn't stop me from being terrified. I know the story about me and Ivan isn't true, but what if Baki finds out and believes it? What worried me the most was what would happen if she told Jas. I'm not going to be fooled by her. She perceived Jas in the same way that I looked the man. She feels the same way I do, so I'm confident she won't squander the opportunity. I don't want Jas to know I like someone else because there's a strong risk he won't like me anymore. As we carefully walked out of campus, Aly questioned worriedly, "Are you okay?" "I'm fine, Aly; I apologize for leaving you behind; I didn't intend to." She replied, "I understand." We had already exited the gate, and her service was not far behind. Aly is definitely wealthy, as she still has her own chauffeur and a luxury service vehicle. "Bye," she said, waving her hand and smiled. "We'll be together again tomorrow," she added. I returned her smile and nodded, and she walked directly to their car, leaving me to go to the other side of the road and wait for a bus or jeep to take me home. Because of the rain, the surroundings were a little dark, and there were only a few students. I'm hoping it doesn't rain because I didn't bring an umbrella. I'm still not sure how I feel about what happened earlier. I'm hoping she didn't notice me. I don't want us to run into one other, so as long as I see her on campus, I'll avoid seeing her. Just to clear my mind, I shook my head. I'm not supposed to be thinking about her! I must be thinking now the lessons I didn"t follow and understand earlier! I also shouldn't think about that woman because my schedule tomorrow is night class. That means Jas and I will meet inside campus. I'm free to join him for a snack. I'll walk home even if it's only a few kilometers. That way, I'd be able to spend more time with him in the moonlight and cool breeze. I'm excited to see what happens next, and I'll make sure he enjoys it all and wants to do it again the next night. The environment is dimly lit.The heavy rain had already fallen but I still had nothing to ride.Because I was alone in the waiting shed, the environment was deafeningly quiet. I look onto the opposite side of the road and saw someone I did not know crossing; he is wearing a hoodie jacket and carrying an umbrella. He also took refuge in the waiting shed area where I was and when he spoke, I recognize who is she. "Are you still here?" she asked. I don"t know what to tell her. Whether I block her or I just let her. "You? Why are you here?" I said, pretending I hadn't seen her at the soccer field and locker room previously. She didn't say anything for over a minute. "You can catch a ride," she murmured, pointing to the approaching bus, and I felt her mouth move closer to my ear. "I've seen you before, and I've heard stuff about you, but don't worry, I'm not going to tell him." I knew it was Jas even though she didn't say who she was talking about. I fixed my gaze on her and did not budge in response to what she said. "Baki, believe whatever you want to believe." I walked away from her, speechless, and got on the bus. As soon as I sat down, someone sat beside me. He was a little wet like me, and as I turned to look at him, I was surprised to see him smiling. I asked, annoyed, "Are you following me?" "Hey, I didn't do it!I had no idea it was you." He quickly defended himself, and the bus we were riding on began to move. "All well, if you're not comfortable with me, I'll just find another seat," he said, and I didn't respond. I had barely switched my attention to the bus window when I noticed that he had gotten up from his seat, but he soon sat down again, which shocked me. "There is no other place. Do you want me to just stand up? " I didn't answer him or even turn around.It's up to him whether he wants to stand or sit. Just don't let him talk to me. He did stand up and I also couldn"t help but feel guilty. Even so, I did nothing. It was his decision so he would suffer. It doesn't take him an hour to get up because my place is not far away. Also, there are people who are lame but have been able to survive their whole lives so it is impossible for him not to be able to stand for a few minutes. I was about to go down but the rain still did not stop. My notebooks can be wet when I walk into my apartment. It"s still a bit far so I"m definitely soaking wet. Why don't I have an umbrella!? I got up and was ready call for the attention of bus conductor but Ivan preceded me.I was taken aback when I looked at him. I'll be staying in my apartment for a few weeks; I didn't see him come down or enter the town where I was passing, so why would he stop here? Never mind, it"s not for me to mind. When the bus came to a stop, I looked away from him, and when I stepped off, an umbrella fell at my feet. I turned around since it was coming from behind me. "Be careful when you come home!Just give me back my umbrella," Ivan said, smiling, before turning away from me. The bus had left, and I could no longer refuse the umbrella he offered me due of the strong rain. I took it from below and dashed towards the bus stop where I was waiting for the bus to take me to school. I cleansed my hair, hands, and face with a handkerchief from my skirt pocket. I waited a few minutes for the rain to stop so I wouldn't have to use that man's umbrella, but the downpour appeared to get worse. Because my things may become wet, I have no choice but to use. Now I realized something. He was a little drenched when he boarded the bus, but he was prepared with an umbrella. Weird. But I wouldn't appreciate him even if he lent me this 'umbrella.' It's only retribution for the shambles he created in my senior year of high school. And perhaps he'll stop bothering me. Whether he wants me or not, I'd prefer him to quit as soon as possible because I'm looking for someone else.