Chapter 11

"IM SORRY." He suddenly said while he's still hugging me from behind, I was froze for a moment. I don't know what he's sorry for. Is it because of the news yesterday? So he seems to be saying the truth of what Diana said earlier ?.

I don't know but all of a sudden my blood heats up as I thought, what's really happening to me? I should not feel this way towards him. The man is too much of a virus to saken! He is disturbing my formerly quiet life. Kainis talaga.

"Can Chaos, you leave what time is it." I tried to remove his arms but it tightened even more. Damn! What to do? With the smallness of my waist, I can really be dumbfounded by what he is doing. I can also feel his hot breathing in my neck, it seems like he accidentally smelled my neck.

"Chaos ..." Fuck! It sounded that I am moaning! I can't even see his face but I can feel someone smiling.

"Yes my butternut?" He used his bedroom voice, tangina! Don't give up Shaina! You shouldn't be weak when it comes to a to! Remember that he is damn playboy!

"Stop me like that Chaos." I promised hard, but he just chuckled. And in the tone of his laughter, it was obvious that he liked my reaction. Until I felt his right hand caressing my tummy.

"Why are you toying Chaos ?!" I slapped his hand once, the position of the two of us still did not change. I felt relieved when he removed it and wrapped his arm around my small waist again.

"I'm not doing anything." He murmured, I was stunned by his answer. There was silence between us, and I just let her hug me first. I can't push or push him away now that I seem to like what he's doing too. It's like when I'm in his arms I always feel safe and I can breathe easily. I can also feel our heartbeats, because he is behind me and his chest is pressed I can feel how fast it is. And I feel the same way, my tancha is faster aken that I hope he doesn't hear.

"I want to stay like this forever ... With you." He made a weak promise around my neck.

I want to answer him 'me too' but there seems to be something stopping me from mentioning that.

"About the news earlier ..." When he started, my blood got hot again and I was about to leave in a hug, but he didn't let me.

"I don't care." I said coldly.

"Hmmm, lemme guess? You didn't finish?"

"Are you okay?" I asked a rude question.

"It's nasty." Then he kissed my cheek, I would have complained when he spoke again. Abat! There is already a lot of grass to ah!

"Fuck!" He cursed, and quickly at four o'clock he turned me forward, our eyes immediately met. I couldn't stand the intensity he was giving me so I immediately looked down. But he immediately lifted my chin so that our eyes could meet again.

I see mixed emotions now in his eyes. Passion, desire and Inlove? No. No. No.

That's a big No! Shaina

"Why didn't you finish watching the news? Hm?" He asked me a gentle question.

"What for? As if I care." At the same time, I felt bad for him. Part of his lip lifted as he grinned. One of his hands held my hand.

I didn't expect his next move, because he suddenly kissed me on the lips but quickly.

"Ouch!" He moaned when I banged my head on his head, he was immediately released from my hand and held the side of his forehead.

"You already have a lot! Stop it like that if you don't want to push you down right now!" At the same time I pointed to my balcony, I saw him gulped and rubbed his forehead again.

"Fuck! Sha!" He moaned again, I just stared at the emptiness and started to turn away from him. I didn't close the sliding door of my balcony so I felt like he followed.

"Why do you have two beds here?" He asked out of the blue, he didn't even know that two people owned this room. Im very grateful that Alyana isn't here right now, bwiset na Chaos to as long as it just interferes.

I didn't answer him, instead I settled myself at the end of my bed.

"Are you with anyone here?" He added, I can see in my peripheral vision that he's looking for me and waiting for my answer.

I met those looks, which I wish I hadn't done. He's looking at me intently like I am his prey, it gives shiver down to my spine. Those looks are weird, and I don"t like that delivery sq my core. And even more, I don't want to feel like he's the only one who makes me feel bad about it.

What is really going on saken?

I don"t know how I feel at these times, at times when I"m with him or when he"s around. I can feel the speed of my heartbeat and how nervous I am when I see him.

What am I doing for Chaos?

I immediately averted my gaze from him

"Alyana and I are in this room." I bit my lip when I felt him beside me, I backed away but he also got stronger, I backed away again but that's what he was doing.

"Chaos that!" I disobeyed him but he just shrugged his shoulders and stuck to me even more. Look at this man!

"One!"

"What? I'm not doing anything." Apila nya. But I scolded him. "It's nasty." I even heard him whisper. I heard him sigh deeply so I looked at him, I breathed a sigh of relief when he moved a little and leaned down so that he could sit in front and look at my ceiling.

"Your room really quite beautiful." He said while still looking in my ceiling. Well I forgot to tell, our ceiling is full of stars. Our ceiling, full of stars, looks like heaven, adding to their real sparkle. It shines in the dark, and here you can really see the beauty of the stars as you look at the sky outside.

I really like stars. It's the illusion of permanence, I think. I mean, they're always flaring up and caving in and going out. But from here, I can pretend ... I can pretend that things last. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments. Gods come, and gods go. Mortals flicker and flash and fade. Worlds don't last; and stars and galaxies are transient, fleeting things that twinkle like fireflies and vanish into cold and dust.

Because they are fun to watch especially at night, you'll appreciate every single of it. think that we are like stars. Something happens to burst us open; but when we burst open and think we are dying; we're actually turning into a supernova. And then when we look at ourselves again, we see that we're suddenly more beautiful than we ever were before!

We put Alyana's stars because it rains a lot and we don't see stars every night, and I must say its really a good idea.

"Beautiful as you." When I glanced at him again, he was already looking at me intently, his eyes were serious and talking. Naturally squinting at the twing gaze. I even caught him biting his pinkish lips so I quickly avoided looking at him.

"You know, about the news earlier. That's not true." First of all, I don't know but I felt my blood slowly boiling again.

"Dont. I dont want to hear anything." I promise, why don't I want to know and listen to whatever his reason is? Is because I am afraid with the truth? Or because I was wrong about the suspicion because I judged him right away?

There is no one to mediate so why does he have to explain that to me?

"But I just want to clear ----"

"Please Chaos, go home." I looked at him coldly and stood in front of him signaling that I was sending him away. He was stunned for a moment.

"Sha ..." He made a weak promise in my name. I will admit that I am hurt by what I see with him now but I don't know and why I feel this way with him.

"You're leaving. You shouldn't be here." I promised and turned away from him. I put my hand on the side of my chest when it hurt.

THAT night I didn't know how I got rid of him, I did a lot more pushing or sighing before I got rid of him. I was trying to lower down my voice because my friends might hear us.

Now I am going to the hospital. I also missed Thirdy, how is he so I'm sure he's looking for me too.

I caught them watching in the living room So I couldn't help but look at what they were watching.

"Breaking News: Did Actor Chaos really date while they were still with actress Diana? Who is this woman?"

I saw it placed on the chin, Diana's face suddenly appeared on the screen and behind her were her fans obviously angry on their faces.

"Maam, can we know if you know this woman that Chaos always earns secretly?" I was devastated by the reporter's question. Can I get hurt? Diana has nothing to do with them right? Chaos told me that. But how about arggg!

"Sha don't watch it. I'll just turn off ----" I immediately stopped Joyce as she was about to turn off the tv.

"But ----" I looked at him.

"I don't know too, as long as I know Chaos loves me." I heard Diana said to the reporter. I smirked, fuvk! I really dont know what else I will believe!

Who is really lying, but why am I like this? Why am I acting like this shit ?! I didn't have a pack in the beginning, did I? What do I care if they had a relationship when it was Diana ?!

"Who is the spreading girl who has been linked to Mr. Chaos lately?" Reporter asked. I saw her face wrinkle as if begging, she even bit her lips so that she was really pitiful or oppressive.

"Look at that bitch! She thought we couldn't see the plastic she was showing ?!" Joyce angrily said while pointing at what was on the tv.

"I dont know, but all I know is Chaos inlove with me. I dont believe in the rumors Im sorry." I didn't finish and I quickly left the house, I could still hear them calling my name but I just ignored them and continued to get in my car.

I put my phone at the dashboard, and started the engine. I hadn"t even started my car when my phone suddenly rang. I picked it up and just raised my eyebrow when I saw who it was.

Chaos calling ....

I smirked, did he call to wash hands? To say that Diana has nothing to do with them? The hell I care! Fuck I don't like this feeling! Annoying!

I immediately ended the call but he kept trying to call me so in my anger I turned off my phone and threw it behind me in the back seat, I don't care if it breaks.

Calm yourself down Sha, get yourself ready too because for sure Chaos will go to the hospital.

I took a few deep breaths before starting my car.

"GOOD MORNING po maam!" Congratulations to the guard when I entered the hospital, I could see the width of his smile as if something was strange. I just nodded and went straight in.

There are a lot of people in the hospital now. Miracle that my cellphone no longer rings and a Chaos no longer buys.

Unbeknownst to me I had already entered Jill and I's office, I saw her leaning in her swivel chair and keeping my eyes on the computer.

"Good morning Nurse Sha!" When he greeted me when he saw me, I just shook my head and went straight to the locker, "It's really nasty!" I heard her murmured. I took off my scrubs and took off the cardigan I was wearing and put it in the locker. Then enter cr to swap that.

When I got out of cr that's how I caught up with Jill,

"By the way, how are you? Thirdy hasn't missed you in a week." He said when I sat down as well. Yeah, I thought that too but Thirdy is okay, that's why the child often looks for me and I'm saddened by the twing thinking that Thirdy doesn't want to be with his parents.

"I'm okay." My short answer. At 8:00 am I got up to go out and go to Thirdy and do my routine with him. I missed him already.

"NURSE Sha!" I immediately saw the light on his face when I opened the door of his room, I saw Mrs. sitting there on the other side. Reyes smiled at me and I just nodded. My smile was wide on my lips when I approached Thirdy, I was not surprised when he hugged me which made me happy.

"I missed you Nurse Sha!" He said while still hugging me.

"I missed you too Thirdy." I saw Mrs. Reyes who is happy for her son. When I finished checking Thirdy's condition and doing what had to be done, I put him to sleep. It's really funny and the amount of stories he tells and I can sense that he's happy eventhough I'm not by his side.

THE WHOLE DAY is just like that time goes by I wonder but there is really no Chaos to show up in the hospital. And a few weeks later, but once again Chaos was still calling and texting, which I usually didn't pay attention to.

"Are you really Nurse Sha?" Jill asked sadly.

I nodded slowly, I didn't even say it, I thought I would file a resignation letter. Not because being a Pediatric Nurse is exhausting, I want to focus on my family first and especially on myself.

Little did I know that these past few days I was feeling tired, as if I was losing my appetite. Especially when I remember the answer Sherina and I had last night.

I woke up when I heard a noise outside, this is where I slept with my aunt today because I didn't want to go home to my friends' house first. I got up and peeked out the window, I pulled back the curtain first and I was shocked when I saw Sherina with a kayaka outside the house. I don't know but all of a sudden the blood rushed to my head and my blood suddenly boiled from what I see now. It can't be! Sherina is just 15 years old for Pete's sake!

I immediately put on my jacket and got out easily, I could no longer bear the fact that I often slipped on the stairs because of my ease.
That"s still what I got when I got out.

"Sherina!" I saw his shoulder jump when I called him. And I can also see the man's shock. Sherina slowly looked at Saken with fear in her eyes. Carried by the light in the street lights my eyes widened even more when I realized who the man was. His Chaos's band mate! And I'm sure there!

"A-ate ..."

"Shaina .." It seems like a cool promise from Zarius, yea its Zarius. Isn't he disgusted? He's almost ten years age older than Sherina! 10 years age gap!

"What does this mean?" I coldly promise, I didn"t show them how high the anger I feel right now. I feel like I"m in agreement. Tangina!

"Ate let me explain .." Zarius held her hand, but before Sherina could hold Zarius back I quickly pulled Sherina.

"Shaina!"

"Ate!" I did not listen to them. We're both holding Sherina now, but that's how depressed I was when Sherina let go of my hand and came closer to Zarius.

"Come inside Sherina! Don't try to exhaust my patience!" I shout.

"I don't like you! I love Zarius!" I sighed at what he said, I looked in Zarius' direction. Saken looks cold. Seriously ?!

"Putang ina! Mahal ?! You're just fifteen Sherina!" I shouted, I saw the tears in his eyes.

"Yes I'm just 15 but I'm not young enough for you to preach! This is my life sister! Don't make me imitate you who until now can't move on from what Daddy left us! I'll change you sister! Pleasee, Don't regret my decision for once! Stop controlling me! "

I was unaware of the tears dripping from my eyes, I seemed to be covered in ice at what I heard. All this time, with all the sacrifices and support I made with him, my brother just didn't appreciate the two of us. I'm the one who works so hard and endures all the tiredness, my brother can't see that. Fuck! Is that really how I am?

"Am I really controlling you Sherina? I am doing all of this just for you!"

"No! You're doing it just for yourself! You never asked what I want sister! You give me all my needs but what I want not! You're the one I need sister! Since they left us mom and dad where are you ?! Working for the two of us? I put up with that sister, everyone! I understood you because you said that would be good for the two of us! But you don't know what you're doing so you left me too! Especially when you lived with your friends! I always wished to have a complete family even for one day even if it was just you with me. Remember when I was elementary? Every family day you don't want me to be together I said 'sister even if it's just the two of us' but what you always say is 'don't expect us to be formed, stop me from such things' right? Because sister, even if we're just two or three, my aunt and I are just happy there. But sister, where are you always? Every day you make me feel I'm alone! You know how hard that is? "

I was almost stunned by what Sherina said. Am I really like that with my sister? All that I have been through is that we are just the two of us together. Then that's what I hear from him?

Noooo, am I too selfish sister? Am I getting too focused on our parents leaving us and forgetting my responsibility as a sister to her? Do I really feel sorry for my brother for being my rock?

I'm doing this for her !! But why despite all my sacrifices, support and hardship, did Sherina not even see all that?

I saw Zarius tapping Sherina's shoulder, as if he was calming my sister. Sherina's shoulder is raising her chin because maybe it's the length of what she said. I cant speak, I just cant ....

I bit my lower lip, and I closed my eyes tightly once looking at the sky to keep my eyes from tearing.

I couldn't see any emotions in Sherina's eyes, nor did I see her regretting what she said.

"So you're really choosing that guy over me?" I couldn't even recognize my own voice, I was swallowed up by the thought that he would answer.

"I'm choosing him, sister. I'm sorry." At the same time the word he said was at the same time as the collapse of my world.

However much you wanted someone to want you, there was nothing you could do to make it happen. Whatever you did for them, whatever you gave them, whatever you let them take, it could never be enough. Never enough to be sure. Never enough to satisfy them. Never enough to stop them walking away, never enough to make them stay and Never enough to make them love you.

To be continued...