Chapter 10

"SHA are you still there?" I blinked for a seconds when I heard Alyana talking from the other line. I couldn't stop thinking about what happened between me and Chaos that night, Its been a week since that incident. And I haven't been to the hospital for a week because I don't want to see him. I'm literally such a stupid! Why did I end up with him that night? What gotten into my mind and I went in his condo? And why the hell I let myself from fucking with him? Damn!

I lost my virginity! What will he say about it? That I am also hiding something toying in my body? I was a heartless girl then later on I will go to her condo just to do that thing ?! Fuck! I dont want to see him or what he's going to say either.

"Y-eah ...." I almost whispered.

"Seriously are you really okay? I've had dada dada here before, you don't even speak jaan." He is making promises. Honestly, I want to tell it to Maria Alyana but Im afraid of what she's going to say. I'm afraid she'll judge me but I know to myself that Alyana isn't that kind of person but maybe I don't want to tell my friends what happened first. I"m used to hoarding everything because I know in myself I can. But am I being unfair with them? For not being honest? I know that I rarely speak to them but the nine of us seem to be brothers.

"I'm totally fine, don't worry about me." I said, I didn't make my voice sad.

"Okay if you say so, but Sha you know that I'm always for you right?"

"Well." nagiguilty ako

"I know you have Sha, you're my bff so. But I don't want to force you to talk for now. I'm all ears Sha ..."

"I know." I bit my lip, I really don't know what to say, someone tells me I should tell it to Alyana but the word ayoko is more dominant because I don't usually tell my problems to anyone, I am used to keep all of my problems, not me I'm used to having problems with my problem as well. Infact, it's not that big. I'm the only one who really has a problem with myself.

After an hour, Maria Alyana hangs up the call, she says she has an upcoming photoshoot later and she needs to get ready. That also, I dont want to be a burden for her. Alyana has too many problems and I don't want to add more, it's true that I'm probably harboring my problem.

"Sha ..." I adjusted my seat when Nica entered my room. I'm still holding my cellphone. And I can feel it vibrate a few times due to Chaos' texts and calls.

"Yes?" I said and looked at her, she's just standing behind the door. "You have visitor in the chin." She said.

I gulped, because I'm sure who he's referring to I hope not.

"Who?"

"I'm sorry if we let him in Sha, he looks miserable. He comes here without fail just for you Sha. I know you have a problem with him even if you don't agree. Always remember Sha, we've been here for you for a long time. we're friends so we feel like you're going through something right now. You're big Sha, you shouldn't run away or just harbor your problems. Face him, I guess he deserves it. " Nica said at length.

"Yeah, I'll take you first." He nodded and turned around but before he could touch the doorknob I called him.

"Nica."

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"It's okay, I love you ..." I didn't answer and he left.

I closed my eyes emphatically when I marealize I will now face Chaos.

You can do it Shaina!

I didn't bother to change my clothes and went out to dress her. I was only five steps up our stairs when I saw him sitting on the couch, with two pairs of hands on his thigh and bent over. Even if he looks like that, you will notice that he is really troubled.

When I got down, he looked up at me and without hesitation he ran between us and hugged me tightly.

I froze for a moment.

It was as if I felt something strange, which I only now felt through the tightness of his embrace.

My mind keep saying that I should push him away but my heart keep telling me that I want him to stay with me.

Why the mess?

I couldn't move my body or hug him back.

"Sha ..." I heard him murmured my name, his face was stuck in my neck but my body hardened even more when I felt it wet.

He's fucking crying!

God! I close my eyes tightly again, I don't want this feeling. I think I'll just give him one ...

My hard heart is softening with him ....

He moved and hugged me very tightly again.

"Shaina ... please tell me why are you hiding from me? Because I'm going crazy thinking about what I did wrong why are you avoiding me again. Sha, one week. I'm just a little crazy to find you just to see you .. . "I didn"t speak.

"Pleaseee, give me a chance. I love you so much Shaina. I don't regret what happened to us that night Sha. Absolutely not ..."

"You're the only one I love, I'll prove to you that I can give up all the things that I have right just to have you because I love you so much, I proved even more how much I loved you that night. Even a little Just love Sha. I promise I'll do everything just love me. "

I just stood there and didn't know what to say to her.

Should I give in to myself?

Should I open my heart to others?

He let go of the hug and faced me, he held both of my face. I could see how red her eyes were from crying.

"Just tell me the word Yes, Sha .." He whispered.

I bit my lip, and he also looked at what I did.

I won't regret it, will I?

Without any hesitation, I pulled his neck and let our lips land on each other.

I think he was surprised by what I did but I didn't have a pack. I placed both of my hands around his neck and pressed more my body unto him.

I felt his body stiffen from what I did.

I move my lips and just feel the kiss I give her, she still can't believe it.

"Fuck!" He cursed under his breath before responding to my kisses, at first I was shook but later on I am adjusting myself by the way he kissed my passionately.

I felt both of our feet move and just stopped because I felt the softness of the couch, I didn't bother to open my eyes because I'm pretty sure it was the couch.

I felt him settled himself and followed me to sit on his lap, I cant even think straight right now. All I ever think is I am desparate with his kisses, as if someone is telling me what I am doing is right. And I can feel how much happy and how beating fastly of my heart because of what we're doing now.

Isn't right? Although I can't admit to myself that I already have feelings for Chaos, maybe I am afraid of the consequences after what we had and after what happened. I'm afraid that when I fall hard on him, he will leave me like what my father did to us. Should I trust again?

Should I open my heart to love?

Am I really ready for this?

Chaos and I kissed even deeper, as if I was about to run out of breath and I felt like my lips were swollen because he didn't let go of my lips. As if when he resigns I will leave, he's being possessive of his kisses. Deeply becoming aggressive, I could feel how fast and yet aggressive her kisses were.

I can also feel his hands roaming around my body, his right hand was caressing my back even though I was wearing clothes but he slowly passed the hook of my bra, later I felt it enter behind me and started playing the hook of my bra and at once removed.

I voluntarily let go of our kiss, because of the intensity of the heat of his palm caressing my back.

Damn!

My mouth fell open at what he did, then suddenly I bit my lip because of the sensation that he's giving me. "Sha ... let's talk." He said while kissing slowly the side of my neck, I felt him sucked it and licked it. So I bit my lip even more, fucking fuck! Even with my eyes closed, I could feel the tension of the looks he was giving me. Later on, his right hand moved. It caresses my waist from time to time until it reaches the side of my chest as if it is urging me not to touch it. Fuck! He's teasing me! "Shaina, c'mon speak up ..." He huskily said, then I won the victory, when suddenly his hand finally touches my boobs. Damn! Even though I know I'm still wearing my brasserie, but I still feel the heat that comes with it. I can't even answer what he says, I feel like I'm losing myself. It seems like what I feel is happening again the first time we made it. He buried his face again on the side of my neck while his two hands were busy massaging and molding my breast, his kiss rose from my neck to my ear. He playfully lick and sucked it like what he did in my neck earlier. I arched my back, when his fingers pinched both of my nipples. My hard nipples! "Sha ...." He murmured again my name, he lifted up his face from my neck and faced me, I tiredly met his puffy eyes. It seems like I can see in his emotions that he also likes what is happening now. He removed both of my hands from my breast and placed it together on my back, which is supporting me to not fell down on the floor. I was surprised when both of his hands went inside my dress again, then reattached the hook. I can feel the warmth of his breath on my face, he's doing it without breaking our glances. I also feel in his eyes the restraint. And me? I still feel like I'm drunk and out of my mind about what he's doing. I forgot that I hate this man. I forget my limitations in life and I forget someone like him I should avoid. After hanging the hook, he lowered his hands again and placed them on both my thighs and caressed them from time to time. We're both panting, and we both smell the scent brought by our breath because our faces are so close now. He still doesn't make me stand up from his lap, he pulls me back slightly so that maybe I don't have anything to do with him that I just felt before. I blushed slightly at what I thought. "What?" Almost in a whisper I promised him, his lips form a smirk and suddenly bit the side of it. I'm even more lost, Fuck! he just bit his lip but the big effect is saken! What's really happening to me ??? "Let's be, I know you feel the same way Sha ..." He said, but not being able to register in my brain what he said it looks like I still can't get over the tension and heat that mediate samen. I feel like my body heat isn't dropping tangina! "You like me too right?" He asked in a whisper and stroked both my cheeks again. Tangina! The warmth of his palms! "C'mon Sha, don't be like this. I might not be able to stop myself from claiming you here." I felt my cheeks burning up at what he said, then he chuckled. I was about to speak when his face dropped to my ear again and whispered. "Your friends are watching, stop seducing me." He said then we just heard the crash of the closing of a door upstairs, quickly at four o'clock I immediately hid around his neck and I heard him laugh at what I did. I WAS busy watching Thirdy's playing his lego when suddenly his mom came inside. "Mrs. Reyes." I said when she entered, I don't know if Thirdy didn't notice her mommy's entry or she just really ignored it. He is really busy playing. "Can we talk outside, nurse?" She said then looked at Thirdy. I saw the sadness from her eyes the way she looks at Thirdy, I dont know what's the real story behind their story and why Thirdy seems angry with them. I nodded my head, he came out first but he looked at the child first and came out and I followed. Its my second day here in hospital when I entered. Mrs. and I arrived. Reyes in the garden of the hospital, I saw him take a deep breath before sitting on a benches there, he made me sit so I sat next to him. He was looking away and a sob I heard from him. She's crying, and I know the weight of what she's going through right now. "I really don't know what to do, every time I see my son who is in a very difficult situation, I think it's just me. If only I could catch all the hardship and pain he is going through because of his illness. So even though my husband and I don't want to chemo him, we need to. We still want to be with him for a long time and we believe Thirdy can do it. But the pain is just the pain that we hate our son. We understand him, if only we didn't work before taking care of him. " When he told the story with tears. That's a mother's love for her child, now I know why there are sadness in her eyes everytime she looks at Thirdy. Even if they are already struggling with the situation for Thirdy"s condition, they will do everything for the sake of their child. If only my father was like that. I was froze when suddenly she held my hand on my lap. "So I trusted you Nurse, my son is very close to you. Please Nurse do everything to make my son happy. No matter what I or my husband do, Thirdy is really very angry, he has not even experienced the life of a normal child. Since I was born, he has always been in this hospital. As parents, we don't want to see our children like that, we tolerate everything for the sake of our child. If only I could be in his situation. Thirdy is our only child, and I dont wanna loose him. " Her tears continued to fall. "You can count on it Maam, Thirdy is a good boy and I know he can forgive you too. He's a smart boy and I know he can understand everything." Then I smiled at her, I really don't know what to say when it comes to advice, I'm very weak. Especially in child -parent conversations. IT WAS NIGHT when I got home to my friends, and I caught up with Joyce, Nica, Jayrose and Rhea watching TV in the living room. "Oh my God!" I heard Joyce, it looks like they haven't noticed my entry yet, I just let them go and I continued to go straight to the stairs but I wasn't able to take a single step when Nica called me. "Sha tara here speed!" Not even an 'Oh you're here' like that, he ran up to me and suddenly pulled me towards them watching tv. I was lazy to look at what they were watching. "Speed ​​you watch!" Even Joyce. I don't know but I was suddenly swallowed by what I saw on TV, yes they're together and Diana's arm is gently anchored to Chaos' arm, while the idiot is still happy and gives a big smile to people . "Are they really together ?!" Jayrose asked incredulously. "Shhhh! Diana's going to speak!" Joyce disobeyed. "It's rumored that you often go out together, and some fans have also taken different photos of you eating out together, what is the status of the two of you, the Vocalist of the band Moonstone Chaos Walterson?" The reporter asked Diana. I saw him smile softly and look flirtatiously at Chaos, I don't know but I seem to see Chaos sweating. "See that bitch ?! The toying is really bad! Look at her arm oh and really accidentally stick her boobs to Chaos!" I ignored what Rhea said. "Yes, we admit that we are dating. Chaos finally courting me." I don't know but my blood suddenly boiled at what I heard. 'Chaos finally courting me.' Tangina! Why am I doing this? I don't have a pack, do I? "Fuck! What a lie this malanding to too! Impossible to say too invented!" Even Joyce. I don't know and I ride these to watch even though I already feel pain in my chest and I can't feel the movement of my legs to leave and let myself watch. I can't even hear my friends' comments. The mic was pointed at Chaos. "Is it true that everything you post on your Instagram is about Ms. Diana? Was she also with you when you went to EK?" I felt my heart beat faster, not because he asked but because I was nervous for him to answer. "Omg! Don't tell me its really Diana?" Jayrose said and looked at Saken. "It's you right, Sha? It's you! Just behind your back!" I didn't answer, feeling tired. But before Chaos could answer, it was Diana who answered. "Yes, its me and no other one. Right Chaos?" I didn't wait for Chaos' answer and I quickly turned off the tv. "Why did you kill?!" "Hala sya bitter te ?!" I ignored what they said and continued to leave and climb into my room. Tsk as if I care, they two flirt together! I was sleeping in the middle of the night when I felt as if I was not alone in this room, and when I heard the crackle on my balcony I was completely awakened. My windows are half open, and the wind is blowing its curtains made maybe of strong wind. I glanced at the time on the bedside table and saw that it was only two in the morning. I didn't feel the slightest bit scared but I got up and stood up to go to the balcony. I opened the sliding door and bravely stepped out, the strong wind blew on my skin and waved my long hair. I didn't find anything else strange, but I felt strong. I took a deep breath, looked around one more time and started to turn around but before I could take a step ... "Gotcha !!" I jumped in panic when someone jumped on the railings of the balcony and simultaneously hugged my back. To my great surprise, I immediately stepped on his foot because he slipped out of my embrace and jumped backwards and started to step on his foot. I turned to him and I was so shocked. "Chaos ?!" I asked in shock, I saw the grin on his face because of the strain on his foot. You just have to! I stepped on his foot with force, he thanked me and I wasn't wearing slippers. She sat down on a single couch on the balcony and continued to rub her feet, she lifted it on the chair and the midwife started to massage. "Are you a bad horse ?! Your strength to stomp!" Ani nya. "Chaos what are you doing ----" He didn't let me finish. "What am I doing here? Do I know what time it is and last night I was here at your house. Do I know your room is very high and I went up. Am I going crazy and I did it. I went home ---- and that's what I'm not going to do. " He said that that's exactly what I'm going to say. I was amazed at what he said because he kept talking. "Are you crazy? I know you're going to say that." Same wink. "Fuck! The pain really is!" "Chaos what are you really doing and at this time still ?!" He still doesn't answer me and continues to massage his foot, so I was pissed and would have turned around when he stood up slowly and slowly approached me. I just raised an eyebrow at him and turned my back on him, because I remembered Diana's interview with them earlier. And I'm really disgusted! Before I could take a step, I felt his hug behind me. I felt the strange feeling again that he was the only one who always felt sorry for me. I felt a butterfly in my stomach, it's corny but that's really how I feel at these times because my ice has hardened. The tickle brought by the hug he brought was different and I don't know myself, I just let him do what he does and I don't feel anything in myself that I don't like what he's doing. I stiffened even more as his hug tightened even more and he stuck his face in my neck. And then to whisper "I'm sorry ..." To be continued...