Chapter 13 looking for a miracle

It has now been two days; there is absolutely no improvement with Tyler. I have been talking to him, hoping that it will bring him back, but that is not even working. I am beginning to lose hope; my heart is fearful that this is it; we have been stealing second chances all our lives, maybe they are up. Doctor Cane says I should have faith, but how can you have faith if the person you have faith in is not even here. There is no such thing as miracles either; they are just a pure coincidence that something has come together. Since the accident, I have not been home; I don't want to see that place, there are too many memories there, good memories, memories of a life spent together. One day these times spent in this hospital room will become a memory too. It reminds me of the place where we would have raised our child, where we vowed to spend our lives together, pledge our undying love, promised always to be there for each other, now even that lives in ruin. Doctor Cane has been trying to get me to leave the room, but I have been absolutely refusing to leave Tyler alone for one minute. "Jenna, you must go home to rest," he says and I can see the frustration only but grow within his eyes. "No," I plainly refuse, "I rested for an hour." How can he expect me to close my eyes and lose sight of Tyler for a moment? It might be that moment in which I will lose him forever. "You must eat something," Doctor Crane once again tries to make me to move for at least for a few minutes. "I had a toffee bar." "You must shower." I can see his patience is starting to wear really thin with me. "Jenna, you cannot sit here all day long." "I can," I pause for but a moment and look him in the eyes. He does not seem to understand that I cannot leave Tyler for a second, so I glare at him and growl deep from my chest. "I can and I will." "I want to move him." "He is not going anywhere." "Jenna, you are going to break down if you don't leave this room. You can't be strong if you are falling apart." Hoping that he might have gotten through to me, he is immediately disheartened as I answer, "Could you stop telling me I need to be strong?" "Okay, I am going to leave you to yourself then. Try to get rest and eat." "I am sorry, Doctor Cane, but I am not going anywhere." We spend so many minutes too busy going somewhere, doing something else, apart from holding you are loved once in an embrace, telling them how much you love them. I wish I could have said that I spend all the time I had to in Tyler s arms when I never did. I took him for granted. I stopped remembering what it is that he has gone through. I was supposed to pick up his pieces, who is going to pick up my pieces when he is no longer around. I believe that fate is a horrible thing, it can lift you up and fulfill your wants and desires, but it can also rip your heart from your chest and stomp on it. I don't believe in fate anymore. It can go in the trash along with miracles. Tyler was my miracle? Where is his miracle? In the trash? Or never existed at all. They say give him some time; time is something we do not have. Where are you going to find the time when someone does not have it? They keep saying that he will get better. Then why are they constantly standing around his bed with a frown on their faces? They cannot say anything; they know nothing. They don't know how to fix people; they don't know how to give miracles. They just tell you, give it time. Well, I am asking where is the time that they are giving? Then they want to tell you in these books and these doctors that walk around with a frown on their face; they want to tell you that if you speak to someone that is in a coma that they can hear you. I say it is bullshit. I have been talking and talking, and I do not see him reacting. I do not see his body moving or that beeping starting to beep any faster. I squeeze his hand, but he does not feel it. I don't even think he knows that I am by his side. But I do it anyway. I think it makes me believe that I still have faith, and that is all I can have now, for miracles and medicines are not working. But what I also have been doing in the darkness of the room when everyone in the hospital is sleeping, I have started writing him letters. I am hoping that I will give them to him one day when he wakes. So as it now once again comes to the time when the corridors fall silent and the visiting rooms empty, I take my pen to paper once again. "My dear Tyler, It has been two days, nine hours, and fifteen minutes that you have been gone from me. I write to you from your bedside that I have not left since the day they brought you here. I sit here in this chair, hoping that you shall open your eyes with each wink that I take. I can't think of any other place where I want to be than here with you. The nurses have become used to my presence. Of course, they only do because Doctor Cane has told them not to bother me, but between you and me, I think they are ready to throw me from the building. I think that it shall be the only way that they shall get rid of me. You are forever etched on my heart, and they would have to kill me before I leave this room. When I think that I might lose you, I want to erupt and lay waste to everything around me. Our love is precious, priceless, and I can't live without it. No, I refuse to live without you. I told you once, I can be very persistent, and I will do whatever it takes to have you in my life. You have taken me on a ride, a life I can almost say is fulfilled. I am grateful for it, sure it is crushing me that you are not here with me. Everything you have done has made me into this girl, this woman that I am today. You know, the first time something truly rendered me speechless was the first time I saw you. Not the first kiss or the first time we made love. No. The moment that you looked into my eyes when I was stuck on the side of that god-forsaken road, that is when I fall in love with you. Tyler, you are breathless and beautiful. Nothing I can offer will equal what you have given me. I don't want to share my future with anyone other than you. I don't want someone else to try and make me happy. Is it selfish? That I will only ever want you and you alone. Maybe. Probably, but honestly, I don't give a shit what everybody else thinks. I want you to be the only man that watches me smile when I explore new and exciting places, wrapping his arms around me, touching, kissing. I want to belong to you and only you! Tyler, I am hurting, and you are the only one that can heal me; I know you need time to heal, but can we not heal together. I don't know what I have done wrong, what we did wrong. But if they can just bring us back together, we can prove to them; I can prove to them that we belong together. All I want is one more chance. Just one more chance. Was it because I did not appreciate what I had? It did not mean that, it was what I felt, I appreciate you. I see it now that the only real thing is you. I am supposed to be your wife; they cannot take that away from us. Until then, I will sit here on my chair,…and wait. A day…A month…An eternity. However long it takes. I love you, Tyler." I don't know if I am ever going to give them to him one day. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, and second by second is how we live now. I am in the cruel world of reality, and he is off somewhere I don't know. How do you come back if you don't know where you are? But one thing that has come back which I have ignored is the persistence of the detective that has made his rounds for almost what seems the fifth time since this accident. So as I look at him as he enters Tyler s room for yet another time, I feel as my heart drops as with every other time. "Mrs. Moore, we need to discuss what happened. You are holding up this investigation."