Chapter 68

After everything he did, and everything I swore I would never let him do again. I crossed that line to sex and I just opened the door to his ability to fuck me up all over again. It hits me like a sucker punch in the stomach as my entire happy mood and tingles give way to crushing self-doubt and the heavy weight of complete panic once more. Didn't I learn anything? Didn't I tell myself that when it came to sex he changes and turns on me like a caged beast? I have been down this road before! When I stupidly thought it wouldn't change anything and it changed EVERYTHING. My heart is no longer slowing from exertion, but pounding and hammering in my chest as fear and the realisation that he will destroy me all over again hits me hard. It's what he does. Only this time I'm not strong enough. I won't be able to take it twice … this time I can't. If I thought I loved him before then it's a pale comparison to how I feel about him now. It's nothing like last ti