Chapter 10 : First Mate

*Circe* Circe felt a strange gnawing in her gut. She knew what she felt, and she could tell from his face that the man with Mae felt it too. All she wanted was to go back out and look at him, talk to him. She felt frightened and confused. She realized she had made a mistake; she collapsed back down on the window sill and tried to breathe. "Circe, what's wrong with you? What are you doing?" Henry asked, turning to look at her. For the first time since they found out they were mates, Henry actually sounded concerned about her. Circe glanced up at him, and they locked eyes for a moment. Circe realized, looking at Henry, that she still liked him and part of her wanted him, but it was nothing compared to what she felt for the man just outside the door. "Circe?" Henry called again. "I need to talk to him," Circe found herself blurting out. "Samuel? Why?" Henry questioned, back in his resentful tone. "Is that his name? I just need to talk to him. I'm sure you want to talk to Mae alone. I'll let you do that. I won't fight you at all. Just let me talk to Samuel." Circe stared straight at Henry. His expression seemed confused and concerned. Everything within Circe felt united on a singular goal now. She couldn't stop. "Please?" "Well I can't force Samuel to talk to you, but if you're willing to give me a moment with Mae, I'll certainly give you the space to talk to him," Henry answered in his usual distant and disinterested tone. Circe nodded as Henry walked out of the room. A moment later, Samuel walked in. He stood back by the wall looking just as confused and concerned as Henry had looked. "Circe is it?" Samuel questioned, continuing to stand against the wall with his hands behind his back. Circe stared at him and studied his facial features. "Yes, do you prefer Samuel or Sam?" Circe moved slowly around the desk. Samuel tightened his muscles but didn't move. He shrugged and kept his eyes locked on Circe. "It doesn't really matter to me. So you're Henry's… mate?" Samuel asked with a disbelieving inflection on the word 'mate.' Circe felt her heart skip a beat. Already her mind was drowning in questions and confusion. She started feeling dizzy and a bit sweaty. She tried to wrap her brain around how this could have happened. All she thought she wanted was to be with Henry. She never thought about the other consequences that might occur from her spell. "I…um.. well, I…" Circe found herself at a loss for words. Her whole mind felt like it was turning on itself. Samuel raised his eyebrows at her. Circe felt her throat run dry. "Are you unsure?" Samuel asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "Who are you? Why are you here?" Circe asked. Her tone was curious rather than accusatory yet Samuel scoffed at her. "In case you hadn't noticed, things have been a little … let's say unsettled… since the mating ritual. My cousin, Mae, asked me to come for support. Your packs are on the brink of war right now, you know. I've never seen my cousin so upset. I'm doing what I can to help." Circe felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. How had everything become such a mess? How could she have allowed all this to happen? She looked back at Samuel, and the feeling washed over her again. There was no denying he was the one. She started trying to wrap her brain around what she could possibly offer the witch to get her to reverse the spell. "You're Mae's cousin? Well, I'm glad you're here to help…" Circe finally forced out. Just then, new fears and panics swept through her mind. How would she reverse the mess she's made without everyone realizing it was all her fault? Surely, someone as good as Samuel wouldn't want to be with her if he knew how cruelly and selfishly she had behaved. Circe felt like her heart was about to rip in half. "Tell me something," Samuel started. "Do you love Henry? Are you glad you mated with him?" Samuel's voice was flat. Circe couldn't gauge his reason behind the question, and she felt the rising panic swirling inside of her. "I thought I did. I thought this was what I wanted… now I'm, um, now I'm not so sure..." Samuel nodded and pursed his lips. "Everything is such a mess. Everyone is angry and wanting a war. Henry is always so upset. It wasn't supposed to be like this," Circe whispered. She wrapped her arms around each other and tried to think of what to do to fix this. She suddenly felt so ashamed with Samuel's eyes on her. Everything in her wanted to run into Samuel's arms and become familiar with his touch. Everything in her longed for him, and she could feel herself starting to shake. She wanted him to tell her it would be alright, and they could fix this. But they both remained still, ignoring the sensation they both felt between them. "I don't think this was part of anyone's plan, Circe." Circe looked up, thinking for a moment she heard what sounded like concern in his voice. "Yeah, you're right," she replied quickly. Going with the notion that this was all just a horrible coincidence was in her best interest until she had a plan. Samuel narrowed his eyes and gave Circe a curious stare. For a moment it felt as if he might already know what she had done. She felt a chilly wave go down her spine. "How--um, how long are you staying?" Circe asked. "As long as Mae needs me, I'll be here," Samuel answered. "Why do you ask?" Circe swore for a moment she saw a hint of a smile and something similar to desire on his features. Circe cocked her head in curiosity. She wondered if he felt it too. The thought made her both happy and panicked all over again. She had found her mate, but it was all wrong. If he knew she was his mate, then he had to know something was wrong and it was her fault. "I, um, I was just curious if… I'd um, see you again," Circe choked out. She felt like her throat was getting drier by the minute. "I'm surprised you'd want to. I figured you'd be wrapped up in wedding plans with your… mate." That tone he used. He had to know the truth. Circe felt herself shaking beyond control. She moved slowly to the chair and turned it to keep herself facing Samuel. He stared at her curiously. Something in his expression intrigued her. His eyes looked like they held a secret, and she was desperate to know it. "There hasn't really been a lot of time for planning that. Henry has been… angry and distracted." Thinking of her harsh conversations with Henry brought small tears to her eyes. She had thought, when she asked the witch to perform the spell, that once Henry mated with her, he'd be upset, but soon come to love her and want to be with her. But Henry just held on and lingered on his thoughts for Mae and treated her… so cruelly. Only now did Circe feel like she really deserved it. She had doomed them all with her selfishness. Circe felt torn between wanting Samuel to stay and not wanting to break down in front of him. Everything in her felt torn and conflicted. "Yes, I can imagine all the deviations from these matches and an impending war can put a damper on wedding plans," Samuel responded. He glanced back at the open door, and Circe wondered if he wanted to run from her. "What about you? Are–are you, you know, mated?" Circe wasn't sure why she asked. She wasn't sure what she expected him to say. "I think you already know the answer to that, don't you, Circe?" Samuel answered. He gave her a strange look. Samuel glanced back at the door, and Circe saw Henry walk back in the room. She felt her heart drop. Just a few minutes ago, Henry was all she wanted. Now, she was desperately trying to find a way to escape from what she committed herself to. There had to be a way to get the witch to reverse the spell. "Mae is waiting for you," Henry grunted. He moved away from the door and crossed his arms over his chest. Samuel gave Henry a nod. Samuel gave Circe one last lingering look before walking out the door after Mae. Circe wanted to run after him and keep him next to her, to apologize to him and ask him to help her fix it but she stood frozen in the moment. "Circe, are you okay?" Henry asked, seemingly out of compulsion. He moved around her and sat behind the desk, repositioning his head in his hands. Circe nodded, doing her best to keep her features composed. Not that it really mattered, Henry wasn't paying any real attention to her anyway. "Excuse me," she managed to blurt out before walking out of the room and toward the backyard. Circe walked quickly into the woods on the border of Henry's property. When she felt certain no one could hear her, Circe let out a wild cry. She screamed and cried until she fell to her knees. She started at the ground in front of her. The grass swayed with the gentle breeze, and the sun shone in the sky like a warm, comforting light. Ultimately it was a perfect day. But the thunder rolled in Circe's heart, and she felt the rain pouring in her soul. So many questions and emotions were running through her. Samuel's face shined brightly in her mind through all the chaos. She couldn't escape it. He was her mate, and she knew she couldn't live this lie anymore. She couldn't live without Samuel. Circe cried out again, doing her best to release all her pain and anger. She cursed at herself and wished desperately she could undo the choice she'd made. But she knew only one person could do that. She had to talk to the witch. She had to find a way to reverse what she had done. Circe still felt panicked and was worried about what Samuel and the others might do when they found out the truth, but she knew her only chance of being with Samuel was to do this. If they had any hope of being together, she had to talk to the witch.