Chapter 48 Anxiety

My body couldn't bear the strain of just one meal a day any longer. Continuing like this would undo all the effort I had put into gaining weight. Shaun had informed me that gaining weight was difficult due to the virus. It wasn't a typical stomach ailment. Whenever I thought about my illness worsening due to improper eating and the possibility of not living more than six months, fear consumed me. I was experiencing a two-fold anxiety. On one hand, there was relief in knowing the cause of my illness. I was grateful, thinking that I had already lived one-fifth of the 100 years I might have in this world. On the other hand, there was a contradictory feeling. Had my life been significantly shorter than others'? I grappled with these emotions. Sometimes, I felt terrible, but at other times, I was completely at peace with it. The maid didn't question the reason for my request. As long as I promised not to expose her for stealing money, she was eager to cook for me. I felt better after