Chapter 6 : Fantasies

Like the previous day, I felt amazing. Free from pain. Delightfully sated in a way I couldn't explain. But this time, I could remember everything. I scrambled out of bed, my nightshirt torn down the middle. Holy shit. I threw my messy hair to the side, seeing an angry red lovebite adorning my skin. My skin tingled as my fingers brushed the mark. Heat pooled between my legs. He marked me. It happened. Last night really happened. Every little detail of my dreams. The delicious stretch of Orion…or whatever his name actually was… filled me to the brim with his cock. The burn of the carpet against my back. The predatory gaze. His hunger and how mine mirrored his. I couldn't get enough of him. The taste of his lips. The buzzing adrenaline flooded with power. I never knew what power tasted like before I kissed him. Felt his tongue twist with mine in a sinful dance. His body was imprinted in my mind so I would see him every time I closed my eyes. His gorgeous strong features. "The kiss broke the thrall," he had said. What thrall? If that was the case, why did my body still burn for him? If I broke a thrall, then I shouldn't want him anymore. The lust should be gone…but it wasn't. I pressed my fingers against my lips. Wait. Does that mean he won't come back? No…I wanted him to come back. I wanted to feel him. His hands across my skin. Tongue leaving hot wet imprints all over my body. Devour me until there wasn't anything left. The thought startled me. I never wanted to lose myself like that before. Give myself over to my most primal desires. He could feed from me whenever he wanted. What was he? That was the question I should have. I was curious…but I couldn't care less what he was. All I cared about was how he made me feel. How he made me forget. My thighs trembled again, heat coiling in my belly. I wanted more. *** After a week of orientation at Maxine's, I was ready to start waiting tables on my own. I was a fast learner, but I had my hiccups every now and again. But Sarah was usually there to answer my questions and help me when I needed her. I appreciated it. But even as I waited tables, keeping my hands and feet busy, my mind was occupied. The mark on my neck had faded, but that didn't stop Orion's visits. Every night he came to me, taking what he wanted and leaving. Treating me like an object to use instead of a woman he was obviously intrigued by. Rarely speaking and never staying. Or kissing me. I wanted him to kiss me. Mark me again. But he never did. It felt wrong to call him Orion because I knew that wasn't his name. Even if he kept me this dirty little secret, I absorbed the small bits of information he gave me without words. He focused on my body. His pleasure was secondary. When I asked him why he didn't finish, he only said that it didn't matter. He fed off my pleasure, not his. With each feeding he drank more and more from me, trying desperately to drain me completely, but never succeeding. It would make him angry, and he would leave. But he always came back, hungry the next night. That told me he only fed from me. The realization pleased me, even if he never admitted it out loud. I had so many questions, but I knew he wouldn't answer them. I would get my answers, even if he never meant to tell me his secrets. Every morning, I'd wake up renewed. Fresh and painless. I could have stopped him whenever I wanted. After all, he always asks me if I'll feed him and every night I say yes. I didn't want him to stop. And part of me was scared if he stopped, I'd wake up with the pain again. Fall asleep to nightmares of car brakes screeching and thunder. My mother slumped over next to me as I screamed. Orion could have me whenever he wanted, as long as I didn't have to relive that night over and over in my dreams. I shook my head, focusing on taking another diner's order. A group of college guys. I smiled, turning as I said, "I'll have those appetizers out for you shortly." "Thanks, babydoll," one of the guys said, reaching out and groping my ass through my jeans. My body turned rigid, my pulse upticking in my ears. A mortified blush blazed my face as I shoved his hand off me. Right after the mortification ran its course, a bubbling primal rage simmered underneath the surface. The desire to spit and growl. Talk back. But I couldn't. Then don't…let the knife do the talking for you. For a split second, I could feel the cool jeweled hilt in my fingers. I could imagine blood staining my hands. I shoved it down, a startled gasp on my lips. Shaking my head as tears pricked my eyes. I hated my body sometimes. If I was sad, I cried. Happy…I cried. Even if I was angry and all I wanted to do was spew curses…all I could do was cry. I walked fast away from the table, but I could hear them laugh. "Why'd you do that? Girl's a real butterface." Another guy chuckled. "But that ass though." Walking back into the kitchen to put in the order, I swallowed down all the bitterness in my throat. The fire burned with scorn. The line cook, Luis, grabbed the ticket, noticing my red eyes. "Hey, Adira…you okay?" I gulped. "Yeah, just the usual." Luis was about my age, maybe a few years older with all the canter of an older brother. The type of guy who started working real young to help his momma with the bills. I liked him. He was nice to me. Both him and his baby sister, Mia. "If you say so, mamita. Table twelve is ready." I nodded. "Thanks." As soon as I layered the plates along my arm, I heard a gruff man storm his way into the kitchen. "I'm gone for five fucking days and this is what the kitchen looks like?" he boomed. "Estupendo, Bill's back," Luis muttered under his breath. I turned, seeing a barrel-chested older man standing in the doorway. Large, mid-fifties with a very thick mustache. His face was a red undertone, like someone who constantly blew smoke from his ears. Sarah followed behind him, arms folded, maintaining as much distance as she could in the crowded kitchen. A cold calculating stare washed over me and back to Luis. "English only," Bill grated through his teeth. "Comprende?" he added in the most condescending tone I had ever heard. Luis stuck his tongue into his cheek, biting back what I'm sure was an insult. "Just saying welcome back." He narrowed his eyes, looking at me intensely before turning his gaze to the trembling woman next to him. "Her? Really, Sarah, that's your new hire?" She flinched uncharacteristically. "People eat with their eyes! You know that," he barked. "Leave her alone, Bill. The diners like her. She's doing a good job," she stated, unable to meet his eyes. His gaze met mine again. "Fine, get back to work." Slowly turning, I carried the plates out of the kitchen when I heard Bill say something else. "At least she looks fine from behind." I stiffened but gulped down the fiery anger spiking in my belly. Red. I saw fucking red. But I bit it back. Forced everything back down again, where it belonged. I forced a smile on my face and delivered the food to table twelve. The rest of the day flew by, and thankfully, I didn't have the pleasure of seeing Bill again. Most of the tables were nice and tipped decently. But that table of college guys left me a few quarters and a note with a poorly written phone number which said: Call me for a lights-out good time ;) I frowned, ignoring the dig and cashing in my tips with Mia. She and I were both off around 10 PM even if the diner stayed open until 2. We walked to our cars together, because I didn't feel comfortable letting Luis's seventeen-year-old sister walk alone. Safety in numbers. She unlocked the doors to her little, worn-down Chevy. "Do you need a ride to your car?" she asked. "Not tonight. I'm at the meter across the street," I replied with a smile. "Thanks though." Mia opened her door, combing some of her hair flyaways out of her eyes. "Hey, real quick…" She trailed off, debating on what to say. "I heard what happened and since you're new I just wanted to warn you. Bill's a creep. Stay away from him if you can." I nodded. "Yeah. I will. Thanks." "Of course, girl. Have a good night." Mia stayed in her car, idling the engine, not leaving until she saw me get into my own car. I drove home, thankfully avoiding Nova completely this past week with my new work schedule. I didn't know if I could stomach looking at her right now. Working opposite hours felt like a gift. That didn't save me from her text messages. Each of them getting increasingly more aggressive. NOVA: OMG! I'm so sorry! You shouldn't have figured it out that way. He should have never gone to your work. I didn't think he would! And various reiterations of that. Practically every five minutes. NOVA: Are you going to respond…or…? NOVA: I get it, you're mad, but think about what Deacon is going through right now. He's always been a little passionate. NOVA: Helllloooo? NOVA: Stop being such a bitch and respond to me. Okay??? I'm sorry! NOVA: Fine! Ignore me. Whatever. I don't care. NOVA: It's driving me crazy that you are ignoring me. But take your time, I guess. Because my feelings OBVIOUSLY don't matter to you. ME: I'm sorry, I'm just at work. NOVA: You can't respond when you're at work? ME: No. I can't. NOVA: Whatever. Oh…and can you PLEASE do your dishes? It's annoying. And that was when I shut my phone off. Opening the door to my apartment, a take-out container in my hand, I prepped for breakfast tomorrow morning so I didn't have to cook. Not that I minded, it gave me some peace to whip up a pancake and eat it on the balcony with a hot cup of coffee. I didn't even need the coffee anymore, but it was part of my break-of-dawn morning ritual. The silence of the night shattered around me when I heard the noise of Nova's bedframe banging against the wall. "Oh, fuck yes!" she moaned loudly from inside her room. Please for the love of God tell me she wasn't fucking my ex-boyfriend in our shared apartment. "Oh my God! Deacon, yes! Right there!" There is no God here. Only me. I thought about Orion's words. No…there was no God. My hands clenched into fists, teeth gritted so hard the nerves in my teeth shocked me. I seethed, the rage settling over my shoulders again, pulling me tight. I put my leftovers in the fridge, listening to the pounding on the wall. The cries of ecstasy. Panting each other's name like I wasn't in the other room. Thickness coated my throat. Tears welled in my eyes. I wanted to scream but I couldn't find my voice. A flash of something came over my vision. A fantasy. Something so bloody like it was from my darkest nightmares, but all it did was fill me with unadulterated satisfaction. I gazed up at the knife block, wondering how it would sound when I drove it right through Nova's throat. Would it satisfy me to watch her bleed? Hear Deacon release a fearful scream when he was next? When I stood over him, staring at him down my nose. Making him feel small. Orion's voice whispered in my ear. "Let the knife do the talking." I shook the image from my head, my heart hammering in my ears. A deep, shaky breath escaped my lips as my hands trembled. The fantasy scared me. I scared myself. How could I think about that? Want that? Tears streamed down my face. No. I wasn't that person. I wasn't violent like that. I couldn't be. Shaking my head, I rushed off to my room, turning my headphones on loud enough I couldn't hear the grunts and loud sex through the thin walls. I buried my nose in a book at my desk, reading and reading. Distracting myself. Sobs broke through my chest, blurring my eyes. I didn't remember falling asleep. "Adira," Orion's smooth voice washed over me, thick as the honey in his eyes. "Don't cry, pet." I slowly raised my head, eyes opening from my bed. When did I climb into bed? Change into pajamas? Wash off my makeup? All those questions melted away as his big warm hands cupped my face, thumbs wiping away my tears. But damn it, I just wanted to be alone. Suffer in my silence.