Chapter 13

''Move.'' Alexi pushes me forward across the parking lot aggressively, still glaring at me from the argument we had on the jet here, and I am still sulking about being dumped in my idea of Stepford Wife hell. I haven't slept, I look like death and my entourage of cases is being packed into the cars parked waiting for us by Alexi's black suits. ''Stop pushing me, I am walking in four-inch heels and have a maximum speed setting.'' I snap at him as I get another prod in my spine. He's been an arsey one since we got on the plane. Moody for him, not that it's that blatantly obvious as he has one facial setting even on a good day, but it's in all the little tones and tiny facial changes, veiled mannerisms and the colour of his eyes that you really see what he's feeling. You have to look really hard and study his face endlessly, otherwise you would miss it at all. I realise it must be something I have done over the months, stare at him and watch him, because I can tell he's pissed and in no mood to be nice while looking suave and cool in that Alexi uniform of his. The man makes a tailored suit look like everyday wear and when teamed with a black overcoat, like now, he really brings old school mafia back to life. ''I'll carry you if you keep stalling.'' He warns through gritted teeth and my frayed nerves completely snap with how much of a weighty black cloud he has been on me for the last twelve hours. I swear he has been bearing down on me ruthlessly and didn't go to bed all fucking night, choosing to wander the apartment while making calls, typing loudly on his laptop or annoying the shit out of me anytime he heard me make a noise. The downside to co-habitation with Dracula, is he hears when you are up and about and isn't shy on walking into your bedroom to see why. ''You know what? … Just back the fuck off!'' I snap, my accent slipping to common Hackney girl and for once I don't give a toss. I turn on him aggressively, dropping the small handheld case I am carrying and square up to that mass frame with zero shits anymore. He really has got on my last bloody nerve. He just opens his eyes a little in sarcastic interest, amused with my female dramatics. ''I am not fucking stalling okay! I am tired, emotional, exhausted even. I have been up all night and yet you insisted I put on a face and a sexy dress to fly out here and walk in shoes that are hurting my feet, on legs that just want to give out. I am done with your overbearing shitty attitude today and I don't know how much more I can take.'' It comes out in a great Camilla mouth vomit of things I should not say out loud to him of all people, and I know I have just given him more things to use against me. I can feel all the glances from his men silently judging me and probably expect me to get a slap for my behaviour, yet they all just carry on as Alexi scrutinises me calmly. The storm of those restless hues of grey in his eyes; it's an art form to exude that much anger and hatred while looking completely unaffected, but I am no longer impressed by it. Sometimes I think it would be easier if he just ended it and put me out of my misery when it comes to him. ''How you ever survived on the streets as long as you did is beyond me.'' It's all he says. Like I didn't just epically yell at him in front of his minions and I just blink in complete disbelief. ''Believe it or not, you are more challenging than living life on the streets ever was—you make me insane.'' I fight the urge to prod him in the chest and just pick up my bag instead, glaring hatefully and turn to continue walking at my own speed in my own time, and I jump when Alexi yanks my bag from me, relieving me of the weight and glance back warily. ''Showing weakness, no matter what it is … gets you killed or gets the people you care about killed. You're not meant for this world.'' He says it quietly and it has the same effect as putting water on a raging fire, everything inside of me simmers and I just feel weepy once more. It's the highest form of insult he could have given me; he has no clue how many layers of this world I have managed to survive. How fucking dare he! ''If not this world then where? I don't belong anywhere.'' A self-depreciating statement uttered softly and sadly, that I never meant to say out loud, yet I did. It's him and how epically out of my own persona he makes me. He just turns me inside out and I say dumb shit that should be kept in the deep recesses of my soul. Alexi just smirks at me and shakes his head. ''For a moment I actually believed you, well played, London. Maybe your acts of vulnerable are far more deceiving than I first thought, but you can stop. I'm in no mood for tears and sad faces. They do nothing and we're late, walk faster or I WILL carry you.'' He warns, all ice and venom and I swear in moments like this I do not feel anything for him except a resounding need to stab him in his smug face. I wonder if a stiletto would make a good choice of weapon and contemplate trying. He really knows how to get my blood pumping and insides churning up like a molten pit of lava. ''I think I hate you.'' I bite at him and turn to deliberately walk as slowly as I can. ''Mico … Lift.'' Alexi orders over my head, and before I get a chance to even figure out what he means, I am hauled up by the arm into Mico's space as he bends and hoists me up over his shoulder in a fluid silent movement that has me fighting him with a squeal. Futile endeavour and even I know I should give up. Mico seems like he would knock me out in a heartbeat for struggling, and he won't disobey his master for anything. Mico is terrifyingly solid, and I am now being wench carried by a caveman, I stop struggling and just relent. He turns and starts heading at speed to our ride while Alexi walks at the rear and just raises a sarcastic smile my way, catching my eye and looking like a complete shit head, gazing at me with amusement and obviously patting himself on the back for making me furious. The anger inside of me is unparalleled and right now, I honestly would enjoy watching him trip and falling flat on his face with smashing results. I stick my fingers up at him in the most unladylike manner and then cross my arms under my bust, levering myself to sort of sit up and plant a look of contentment across my face. I make an awesome show of enjoying the ride. Maybe I am happy to be off my legs and carried to the car. I won't let him see him how much he gets to me. His thug can jog along and deposit me in the car; my feet are glad of the respite, and when I get to wherever we are going I am burning all the shoes that Carrero makes a point of insisting I wear. Not dressing for his club anymore is going to be empowering, I will shred all my formal attire and sexy tailoring and make him eat them. I give no actual fucking shits anymore. His forms of punishment are getting borderline boring. Carrero must be losing his edge. * * * ''You don't mingle, you don't go out if you don't have to and you don't have male guests. Same rules still apply here as in the city; you belong to me and if you let any man in your bed or between your legs. I'll put a bullet in his skull.'' I stand admiring my nails acting nonchalant while dickhead gives me his demands in his very best soulless demon voice and I sigh, pretending to be interested. There's only so many times you can hear the ownership speech before it starts to get dull. It doesn't even instil a tiny flicker of fear this time, just disdain and impatience for the prick to bugger off and leave me alone. ''Yadda yadda. Blah blah … death, punishment, emotional torture and don't disobey … I know the drill, Carrero. You can retire your whips and chains I'll be almost invisible and play nice, so I don't attract attention.'' I eye roll at him and then jump when he grabs me by the arm and yanks me with force into his torso so that I'm shaken alert and almost choke on my own saliva with the shock of being grabbed. I swear my brain just bounced around my skull. ''It's not a fucking game, I have enemies everywhere, and they have no qualms about kidnapping women. Just ask my mother if you don't believe me.'' He growls it at me, temper brimming, and it completely quiets me, heart pounding through my chest. All the blood drains from my body, so I instantly turn cold and my body erupts in goosebumps. ''Your mother?'' I blink at him timidly, reminded that with him I should always have a level of fear and never forget my station. I should get it tattooed somewhere obvious as I have this insane ability to forget. ''Yes, my mother.'' No elaboration, just a statement and he closes down, which tells me I am getting no more information at all. He lets me go and I automatically rub my upper arm where his cruel grip has left the ache of bruising and just watch him as he walks around the lounge like a pacing lion. He seems more intent on checking our plush surroundings in good old sunny Rich-Ville than arguing this point anymore, and I am too tired for it anyway. His house is gorgeous. Huge and yet strangely devoid of anything Alexi. It's not like his apartment over the club that reflects his sinister side and masculinity. This seems showy, family orientated like it was professionally designed to be light, airy and homely, and he just doesn't fit. Neither do I, it's not to my taste and feels a bit like play pretend to be a normal person in this normal world of housewives and happy lives. Something I will never be. ''I'm leaving you with security and Mico, I'll be back in a week or two, and I'll see where I will put you on a more permanent basis. Gino knows you're here. He will keep an eye, from a distance. Try not to get yourself in any trouble and keep your nose clean. This isn't the city and anything you do here will get back to me faster than you can blink. I know about your endeavours here before and will be mighty pissed should you attempt any sort of a repeat. I'll still pay you and there will be no need to try and earn any other way. Oh, and stay well away from my cousin and his girlfriend … I doubt he has forgotten you.'' He's going on at me but all I heard was Mico! Mico is his shadow and head of his security; he goes everywhere Alexi goes, constantly. He trusts him like no other and it's rare you ever see one without the other. I don't like the fact he's leaving him with me. Obviously has zero trust that I won't try and seduce his security or maybe make a run for it, but he's leaving himself open without Mico by his side. Who knows what kind of danger that will leave him in? I can almost taste my panic rising inside, and just keep gawping at him like he's out of his mind. Mico doesn't seem surprised or well, anything really. He has that same Carrero deadpan skill of not reacting and could be Alexi's brother if you go by looks and mannerisms. He has the same tall dark handsome Italian genes and weirdly green eyes, the same overall death by glare and oozing intimidation. I never knew Italians with olive skin could have green eyes but it's not as pretty or as soulless as the pale grey of a wolf. Mico is a typical Hollywood gangster movie henchman in a dark suit and black overcoat. Silent, obedient and all seeing. He doesn't strike me as dumb either and has that same clever sadism about him that Alexi just effortlessly oozes from every pore. Only Mico is not as dominant and out there as Mr Mafia Boss is and tends to be the silent intimidation in the room and only does as he is told. ''Camilla?'' Alexi snaps at me and brings my attention back to him with an edge of anger, and I realise it's probably because I haven't responded and was glancing at his sidekick in evaluation. Probably thinks I am checking him out and wondering what getting him naked would look like, I mean he's not exactly ugly … but he's not Alexi. ''What?'' I blurt in jumpy reaction; he still has an ability to make me flinch and instinctively respond. ''Do you understand?'' He says it so slowly, like he's talking to a child, as much as I want to roll my eyes and sigh at him, I just nod politely and give him my all-purpose quick smile of agreement. ''Yes, sir!'' ''That better not be sarcasm!'' He grits teeth at me and I can see he is in no mood today. ''Oh, just fuck off Alexi, I will do as I am told. I will have your bodyguard flanking my every move anyway, so it's not like I can do anything other than what you say. He looks more than capable of enforcing your demands. You can leave now.'' Sassy is back in play even if it's more agitation fuelled, and as much as I don't really want him to leave, he's pissing me off. ''Nice try. I have plans here for the next few hours then we can have dinner and I'll go back to the city.'' He dismisses me with an eyebrow flick and picks up mail on the side unit, flicking through distractedly. What? ''Dinner? Like a date?'' I honest to God blanch at him in disbelief, and he just frowns like I am completely stupid. ''No, not like a date. Dinner … I need an escort; I have business here. Wear something conservative, sexy underwear, high shoes and hair down.'' He nods like I am a puppy getting a command to heel and this is an everyday request. My eyes are probably as wide as saucers as that inner rage sparks back up. ''I told you to stop doing that. One, I can dress myself—I manage daily with quite a level of success and as you check me out when you think I am not looking, it's obviously a skill. Secondly, I assume the underwear is for your benefit and I wasn't aware I was now one of your fuck buddies whenever you feel like it. Possessions, I assumed, had some say over when, where and how, if I ever let you touch me again. And thirdly, oh yes, I have a third … Stop telling me how to wear my hair - it grows from my fucking head, therefore it's mine and I know how best to wear it.'' That would be hormonal rage button pressed and put into play. And his response is to look completely amused as though I am having a mere tantrum over something mundane and not his overbearing everpresent control issues. Arghhhhhh! ''Do I have to remind you of what happens anytime you defy me?'' I actually hate him. He just switches on intimidation at every turn and makes me melt into my own shoes and back down with one icy tone. I am so sick of it, but he knows it works and therefore he uses it. Like a dog whistle to a misbehaving hound and I realise maybe Gino is right, I do need to stand up to the tosser when he plays this card. ''I'll pick my clothes!'' I stamp my foot childishly, straightening my bloody metaphoric crown. Pushing that tingling of apprehension away and staking a claim in my own goddamn life! ''Underwear? My choice because you won't be seeing them, so it doesn't affect you if I go in my full birthday suit or my granny backup knickers.'' I lift one finger and stroke it off dramatically, staring him straight in the eye as he towers over me effortlessly. ''Hair, shoes and makeup … however I feel, and whatever mood strikes me.'' I strike off three more fingers, glaring at him with furrowed brows and oozing attitude, waving my hands around like a crazed weirdo. ''You? … I don't care. I can take you or leave you any day of the week and makes no difference to me at all.'' Fifth finger that I prod mid-air before lifting my other hand to carry on the list of things he will not dictate to me. ''Dinner? Well if you asked me nicely then I would probably agree as I have a long tedious stretch in the Boredoms to get through, and it might be nice to have a little fun, plus I'm hungry and do not see a cook lingering in the shadows to rummage me up anything five star and have no desire to sweat in your kitchen either.'' Alexi looks mildly unamused but I carry right on. ''And finally, Escort services? Unlikely, so don't hold your breath! This lady of the night hung up her crotch-less knickers a long time ago and you could never afford my current fee to get me out of retirement. Face it Carrero … I am above your pay grade.'' I am standing my ground, even if I am shaking on it. Alexi locks eyes on me in a silent battle and I catch the slight shift of suits in the room, making a swift exit, which makes my heart sink. Bravado waning because I have no idea why his own men would walk out when one of his playthings dares to stand up to him. I know he won't hit me; that much I am confident in nowadays. I just have no idea what he is going to do. Sometimes he just ignores my show of fierce; other times he ties me to torture devices in dark rooms and destroys me with so very little effort. His own blood and shadows making a swift depart just tells me that his soulless demon side is about to make a grand entrance. He leans in close, terrifyingly so, and almost touches his nose to mine in a wholly intimidating way. A hand trailing my face almost delicately, sending shivers and ripples of something through my core as he puts the fear of God in me in the worst kind of way. ''Disobedience never bodes well for you, London. As for me and sex … you can bet on it. Making stands, acting like you don't want it, but I can read you better than you think and every single pore on your body is screaming for me to touch you.'' He leans closer and I swear I hold my breath in anticipation, despite every single part of me wanting so badly to tell him to go jump off a bridge; my traitorous pelvis quivering with proximity to his, and I can't keep my eyes from straying to his mouth while my body vibrates with the intimacy of how close he's gotten. I jump when he runs his thumb over my lips and tilts my head up to him with a finger under my chin, so I almost graze his mouth. I want him to kiss me, even while being terrified of his every move. Jesus, I am pathetic as shit and so fucked up. ''I can smell the desperation.'' Alexi drops my face and moves me back in one harsh fluid movement with one finger on my chest that feels like a stinging slap to my pride. Letting him fuck me was the single dumbest thing I ever did, and we both know it. He has another edge, and true to personality, he intends to exploit its power over me. I can say no until the cows come home, but even I know the second he throws seduction my way I will fold, and my fate will be inevitable. All he has to do is kiss me and I'll be putty in his hands. Alexi is like a drug. You despise what it does to you, you hate yourself for needing it, and you know it will destroy your life and turn you into something you don't recognise anymore. Yet when it's within grasp you will give your soul to be possessed by it all over again. I am completely screwed.