Chapter 12

I do my duty silently and give Alexi a wide berth all night. The club is bustling, but I feel completely empty inside as I play the role of smiling hostess. He's left me be, said nothing when I appeared at seven when the doors opened, after hours of composing myself upstairs. I have been trying to put back on that face of control. He is doing what he does best it seems, acting like nothing is amiss and nothing prior happened to cause any awkwardness. I wouldn't expect anything less from him to be honest. I caught the staff whispering and throwing glances my way and I wonder if they are looking for my bruises from what they think must have been an inevitable beating. I mean I did piss off our lord and master and defied him so ruthlessly. What they don't know is that it was so much worse than that. He has the mental edge over me, knows how to break me, and uses that to control me much more effectively than violence. I gave him something he can use next time I step out of line, and he knows it. Alexi is king of the upper hand and I stupidly keep giving him all my playing cards. I'm even more afraid of him than I was before, if it's even possible, and I am starting to think the only way out of this is to find my running shoes once more and use them. I can't see this ever ending, even if I do pay off my debt to Carrero; he doesn't seem like a guy who just lets you walk out the door when your deal comes to an end, and a year from now he may have enough leverage and emotional tools to have sent me to the loony bin. ''Hello Red ….'' I jump when Gino's smooth tone comes at me from behind and throw a wary glance to where Alexi is sitting with a group of men in the lounge area. Girls moving in to drape all over them like cheap whores and I turn away quickly when I see one of them sliding onto Alexi's lap—it hits me with a cruel twist in my stomach unexpectedly. I take a long slow inhale, both to shove it down and stop caring what he does, and to appear completely unfazed to everyone around me. It's like an impulsive reaction every time a male comes near me, to guiltily check if he is watching me, and I am more than aware he has me double checking and watching every move I make tonight. What has he done to you? ''Gino.'' I step back when he leans into me, making a very visual space between us, with Alexi's warning swirling in my mind, and he smiles almost knowingly. Looking too Alexi like in a pair of smart trousers and a shirt tonight, the dimness of the room making his eyes look grey and it's almost creepy in a way. How alike, yet completely different they are. ''Still mad huh …? Look … I'm sorry okay, it wasn't about you, but about me being a dick when I do drugs and getting at my brother. I'm not normally that guy and I love my girlfriend. I'm marrying her, and I don't fuck around on her.'' He extends a hand to me and even though I know it's completely harmless, I can't get Alexi's voice out of my head to stay away from his brother. I cross my arms over my bust and throw him a tight smile with a raised chin, and just lower my brows seriously. Praying he takes the hint that I am not a touchy-feely person when it comes to any male on the planet, while my captor is fifteen feet away. ''Apology accepted, can I get you a drink and alert your brother to your arrival?'' My all business tone and no-nonsense stance. I just want him to step off before Alexi realises he's here, but he grins at me with a cheeky all-knowing look. ''You've been scalded huh? Yeah, you've got to learn to stand up to him Red, or he will grind you to dust otherwise. Alexi is a hard arse but there's more to him if you look deeper, and don't let him get away with his bullshit.'' He moves back, thankfully, and throws a look towards the party I guess he is attending. ''Well thanks for the tip, but it happens to be the worst advice ever. Alexi grinds anyone who stands up to him to dust and I just need to learn to keep my head down and stop looking for anything beyond my job.'' I sigh and use the toe of my patent heels to kick out a fluff ball in the carpet in distraction. I'm still pensive and sulking I guess, still feeling emotionally bruised and fragile, and could have done with staying upstairs tonight to get over myself. I'm just not in the hostess mood. He's bruised my confidence. ''You have no idea missy. How many women can you count on one hand that has a permanent appearance in his empire? Family not included.'' Mr smug is smiling at me like a Cheshire cat who got all the cream and I just shrug him off with zero interest. I don't want to have a cosy little chat with him, I want to be left alone and mild irritation is brimming up inside. ''I have nothing to do with his empire outside of this club, I have no clue.'' I know it exists, he spends most of his time anywhere but here, but he's not a sharer of information and I have no desire to know the ins and outs of what he does or where. ''Two … The other is his secretary at his main office, and she's known him since he was born. She was our father's assistant; this business is very traditional. Women have no place in power and Alexi is very traditional about some aspects—like a woman's place. Takes after my father and his generation; you're different Red, whether you think it or not. Alexi gave you responsibility and position in his club, you stand out to him as someone capable and worth more.'' I glance toward Alexi in two minds as to what Gino is saying and shake my head as I watch that handsome profile schmoozing with his clients in such a relaxed manner. I know it's not clear-cut, and he had to do something with me to make back the money he paid out for my life. I'm just a tool, and there's no real power in being a hostess of a sex club. Luciano was failing so I was the obvious choice. ''I'm just a possession to him.'' I lift my chin and try to exude my normal confidence even if the words bite me strangely. I hate that I feel so bereft after the encounter with the cross earlier, even though, in hindsight, he didn't actually do anything to me that was overly cruel or abusive. What he did was play on something he knew would make me freak out and get at me emotionally. I need to learn to mask those things better, so he doesn't see a worth in using them. I need to learn to be stronger when it comes to standing up to him. ''If you hadn't noticed … he's not that possessive with his many women. He picks them up and discards them without feeling. He's crazy protective of you though, bringing out the jealous psycho in him … like right now.'' He nods out towards his left and I glance up, finding Alexi's eyes are trained on us from his sitting position, and he doesn't look pleased at all. He pushes his lap kitten off abruptly, shoves her aside rudely and downs his drink while still laser locked on the object of his penetrating stare—me. It's not an overly angry look, but I can see that he is far from happy. My blood runs cold and I move further away from Gino to make it very clear that it's innocent. ''He doesn't trust you, does he?'' I try to get out of the firing line, but his eyes bore into me terrifyingly so. ''My brother trusts me just fine when it counts, we have a complex relationship; it's you he doesn't trust, Red.'' He leans in and kisses me on the cheek before swanning towards his brother, taking me by surprise, and I flinch in delayed shock and half push him away. I can almost feel Alexi's glare burning into me and cannot look his way as heat envelops my face. That kiss probably just earned me another notch in his punishment book. He's breaking me down, bringing me to heel, and taking away all my fight while his brother Gino is a prick. Someone who likes to get a reaction from his twin, and he probably just made my night a living hell with that little manoeuvre. Slowly, ruthlessly I am being ground down into just another submissive little fuck buddy like all the rest, and I swore I would never allow myself to become that to another man. He's right, I'm a challenge, and he won't rest until he moulds me into another ''yes sir'' and then he will discard me like he does all his playthings. I put my head down, ignoring him, avoiding eye contact and walk towards the corridor of boudoirs instead. Blocking him out with his overly dramatic death stare. I bury my mind in checking with security that everything is calm tonight as I can hear muffled moans and groans coming from the rooms. I hesitate when I get outside the door from earlier and shudder with a little unbridled fear before stepping away to shake myself free of the memory and feelings it stirs up deep down inside. I have no desire to ever venture back in there. ''Are you interested in going in?'' A voice startles me, and I turn to see an older man looking me over with a lot of interest; possibly late fifties, tall and broad with salt and pepper hair and a slight Italian look about him, but I don't think he's a Carrero as he is missing that great bone structure they all seem to have. He exudes power though and I wonder if this is the famous Santagato who has a card to this room. Another dangerous and well-known gangster who rubs shoulders with Alexi daily; rumour has it they are friends and the families are joined by marriage somewhere down the line. ''No. I don't join in; I just oversee and make sure all patrons are satisfied while being here.'' I smile charmingly and feel immediately hemmed in when he gets a little closer. My normal sultry confidence is trying to resurface tonight, but she's just not with me and I curse myself for coming down here at all. It seems I'm just going through the motions with no real conviction; I'm a liability like this and I should know better. You should never walk into the lion's den without your battle armour and it's exactly what I have done. ''I'm sure Alexi wouldn't say no to me having a little fun with something as elegant as you.'' He runs a finger down my cheek and I back up against the wall, recoiling as my insides churn from the unwanted touch, banging my arse subtly as I try to get a handle on the situation, nerves peeking. Normally I would rebuff and remove myself effortlessly, but this is not my night, and my sexy vixen mask is lying on the floor upstairs where Alexi stripped me of it. ''I belong to Alexi. I don't play with anyone else.'' I repeat robotically and pray that's enough of a deterrent, but my voice lacks confidence, and he can see the fear all over me like a second skin. I am probably sweating terror and I don't know if it's him or the thought of Alexi catching another man's hands on me. Santagato seems to like what he sees, fear giving him a hardon. I need to get a grip over this shit. ''That's right … She never plays with anyone else.'' Alexi's voice cuts through between us and I swear, despite everything he's done, I feel a sigh of relief that he's intervening as he slowly walks into the fold. He leans against the door beside me, shoulder to the frame, so he's almost sheltering me, and it cloaks me with that insane sense of security once more. If I thought feeling safe that night at the opera was weird, then right now, after everything today, it's even weirder that I feel it when he's standing beside me protectively. One thing I can never doubt him for—he will never let anyone else fuck with me the way he does. ''You're no fun Lex! Getting me all hot and bothered over a new little morsel of delicious, the hair really does it for me.'' Santagato picks up a strand of my hair and twirls it around his finger, tugging it from my scalp and pulling my face towards him slightly. I try to stand my ground, but I have no strength in me tonight, and I know better than to be obviously combative with this type of man. Still leaning in close, Alexi yanks it free in a smooth abrupt motion that brings a halt to playfulness. ''Not a hair on her head, I don't share.'' His voice has an edge, he sounds huskier than normal, and my heart rate ups a gear as I see a similar darkness move into the new man's eyes. He has that same dangerous air about him, exuding sinister control and physically the two of them are matched. I don't think I know which one would be victorious if this came to blows, and my heart ends up in my mouth at the thought of Alexi getting physical and possibly hurt. Alexi stands up straighter and moves in front of me slightly, smoothly with a charming smile, yet my mind hits a chaos of confusion as I panic on his behalf and have to still the desire to grab onto him. ''She's not into your kind of games, Sid. She's more my style, and I can get you a redhead if that's what you have a longing for, just not this one.'' I slide away from behind him and try to edge out, but Alexi catches me by the dress and stops me from going anywhere else. It's subtle and concealed by his body but I don't move, pausing and knowing I should do as I am told for whatever reason he thinks I shouldn't leave. I stay right behind him and just look down at the grip he has on the hem of my dress, trying to concentrate on those strong hands and zone out the possible drama that seems set to erupt around me while my body hits another wave of internal freakout. ''You know I'm a bit of a spoiled asshole and when I see something I want … Nothing else really gives me the same buzz. I have my eye on this one and ONLY this one, what's a little sharing between friends?'' Santagato gets right in Alexi's face and I swear sparks fly. The air around me instantly sizzles with it, and I am struggling to breathe normally and hold my composure. I cower behind Alexi, placing a hand on his lower back as I shelter against him and hide myself fully from the terrifying other man, heart in my mouth. Oh shit! Alexi just stands his ground, but I can tell by his posture there's a subtle change in him. He's no longer in charm mode but poised and stiff like he's ready for something more physical and I begin to feel claustrophobic behind him, stuck by the wall. I just want to get out of this corner. I'm scared, hating that I am the center of what's happening, and he is all that stands in front of me if this goes badly. I note security moving closer without drawing attention and Alexi's shadow, Mico, appears right behind Santagato with a look on his face that says he will kill for his master. Mico is a Carrero; another huge muscular Italian with good DNA and faulty brain wiring that makes him a psycho. He's usually with Alexi wherever he goes, and I feel a hint of relief that he's swooping in to do his job and flank his boss to exert force if need be. Gino appears behind Alexi, to my left, like a creepy double take and leans in behind him against the wall in the pose his brother just vacated with a smirk plastered on his face. Seemingly hustling to get in on the fight in an oddly happy way and I second guess his brain wiring too. He just looks smug in a deranged way as a little army of Carrero men encircle their guest intimidatingly. I can see other men in the room turning and heading this way—all on Alexi's pay packet and loyalty and realise he has himself a hell of a lot of backup in his own domain. Santagato has no chance when faced with the sea of Carrero men who pull together should you threaten one of their own. It doesn't completely rid the wave of sickening anxiety, but it does ease it a little, knowing nothing will happen to him. ''She's not an option. I told you I'll find you an alternative.'' Alexi grits his teeth and that tone is the danger alarm that I swear makes me feel faint every time I hear it—it never gets old. Swathed in friendliness but I would recognise it anywhere. If you ever wanted to know how Satan himself sounded, then it would be that tone right there that he adopts right before someone flicks his kill switch. It has the power to put the fear of God in any man. I guess Santagato feels the vibes too, and the impending crowd of black suits moving in intimidatingly, so he breaks into a smile and pats Alexi on the shoulder in a macho yet wary way. Eyes flashing with veiled rage, yet he's laying down his sword and raising a white flag. He's in Carrero domain and it's not a place you want to pick a fight when you're alone and unarmed. That stubborn set of his jaw relaxes, and he leans back slightly in a less dominating stance, while still trying to pull off confident. ''Let's not make a bit of skirt become a factor in a communication breakdown, there's plenty of whores in here to satisfy my needs. Fancy a few in my room tonight and maybe vary the styles.'' He's receding with a smile, but his face says everything; that anger is still there, and Alexi is not relaxing either. I can almost feel ripples of high-octane hostility coming off him in waves, it's a little suffocating. ''Sure, pick a few and it shall be arranged. I have more on standby if we don't have what you like.'' Alexi steps back, but there is still a tiny subtle edge to his tone. When Santagato moves away he lets go of my dress and glances back at me, his eyes skimming my face, and he drops his chin and tone for my ears only, brushing his mouth almost against my ear. ''Go to my office, now.'' He breathes it at me, and I swiftly remove myself from the room and head straight for the lift, my heart in my throat, head swirling with dizziness and running like my arse is on fire. * * * ''I don't trust that bastard!'' Alexi makes me jump when he comes walking into the room, and I almost fall off the desk where I have been perched while waiting. I had been sitting picking my nails, lost in thought when he appeared, and I jump to my feet as he closes the door. Lucie has stopped bothering to show up half the time so mostly we are alone on this floor nowadays and it's creepily quiet up here with all the new soundproofing downstairs. It feels like we are locked in solitude, a million miles away from the club. ''What do you think he will do?'' I ask impulsively, knowing he means Santagato, standing beside the desk as I am too antsy to sit back down, and my eyes are glued to him stalking around. He's dressed formally tonight and just looks painfully groomed and sleek in all black despite his agitated manner. ''I insulted him by saying no to his demands, he's not the type to just bypass something he wants. Stay up here for the rest of the night and keep out of his way, let him leave and simmer. If you reappear, he will just try and goad me into another war over you.'' ''If it's that bad … why didn't you just let him have me?'' I bite out bitterly, hating that in this world women equal objects and it's never going to change anytime soon. This is the reality of these men and their archaic system and is one of the reasons why I can never get free or ahead in this man's fucking world. Alexi throws me a dark look and I just shut my mouth, knowing I should still be wary of poking at him when he's brewing in a mood that isn't one you want to escalate. ''That's not how it works. He wants what's mine and I refused, it's not about you, it's about boundaries and power balance. The Santagato's and the Carrero's have equal footing, so he and I are on the same level in the hierarchy. It wasn't about a woman; it's about pushing dominance and standing. Why do you think he even comes here, when he owns a million clubs just like this?'' Alexi seems more agitated at my comment and yanks off his tie and jacket and throws them on the desk carelessly, loosening his collar as he stalks to the bar to pour a drink. He drinks too much, every time I see him, he's pouring himself booze, and he needs to cut that shit down before he puts himself in an early grave. If he drinks as much as he does here when he's elsewhere, then maybe I should worry he has a problem, not that he often gets drunk at all. Apart from that night with Gino, Alexi never seems anything but sober. I just hate seeing him chucking it back anytime he is here, and he drinks more than I do. ''Men are complete twats. I will never understand any of you. All this dominance bullshit just makes everything insane and dumbs you all down.'' I blurt out in frustration and Alexi turns and smiles at me. It's a weird reaction but he props his arse on the edge of the bar and just looks at me for a long moment. His face softening from that glacier frown to a softer, more relaxed look. ''I'm sorry.'' He says it so matter of fact and emotionless that I just blanch at him. ''For what? Santagato?'' The great Carrero saying sorry! I should video this for the history books, and yet I actually have no clue why he is apologising for something that is out of his control. He was the one who stepped in to rescue me, once again. Seems to be becoming a habit with him. ''This morning.'' He looks sombre when he says it and I instantly pause and just glance at him in surprise, not sure how to react to that. I wasn't expecting this. ''I'm not a guy who says it very often but … I am sorry, I overreacted.'' I just regard him and don't know what to say or feel. I am rather taken aback that he feels like he owes me an apology when he really does seem like a guy who never would. I misbehaved and he punished me. It's not often men like that ever think they did something wrong, even if I think he did. Although his little surprising statement makes me feel remorse about this morning too, the way I acted, and you know? Throwing grilled cheese. I bite on my lip and sigh at him. I guess the sex chat is obsolete and doesn't seem to be included in his apology, even though it's what started my little tantrum, and I should just be the adult I pretended to be last night and forget we even had sex at all. ''I shouldn't have thrown your food at you, and I apologise for ruining your clothes.'' It's genuine anyway, even if I sound stilted and sarcastic when I say it. Those were nice trousers and I doubt cheese grease comes out of expensive fabrics without a lot of effort. He's playing nice, whether it's a ploy or a game I just don't know anymore. I have given up trying to understand or read him or evaluate his motives anymore, it all just makes me so goddamn tired. ''You need to stop pushing my buttons, stop making me crazy … I lose focus and shit like this happens.'' He nods towards the door and I frown. Exhausted by the man and I just can't function anymore. His world, his rules, his overbearing presence when he's here, I never knew that walking into Carrero's kingdom would be such a mind destroyer of epic proportions. I used to be in control of every aspect of my life and no one got close or got to me. Everything, up until Tyler, was manoeuvred to be on my terms, but Alexi just strips you naked, twists you up and then spits you out. Since I met him, I feel like all I do is over feel everything and make dumb choices. ''I don't understand … How does you and me being at war make tonight happen?'' Alexi laughs disbelievingly and shakes his head at me like I'm completely naïve sometimes, and it just infuriates me. He sometimes still treats me like a brainless bimbo with no concept of how things work. ''You're clueless, London, let me school you on the goings on in that room tonight.'' He pushes off the bar and walks around the desk to sit against the edge in front of me so he's a lot closer and gets comfy. Watching me like a hawk and devouring me with his eyes. I'm way too tired to deal with all the shitty feelings coursing through me and stare at the clock on his desk instead. Intimidated by his presence, still stinging from being humiliated earlier, and I cannot believe it's still the same day. It feels like weeks ago now. ''I got sloppy, I was watching you—preoccupied … thinking about this morning, pissed at Gino; being a little too interested in both of you and Santagato saw it. He was testing the waters, honing in on what he considers was a glimpse of a weakness. I fucked up and let him see that I give a shit, that's why he made a play.'' That's a revelation and I clamp my mouth shut when words attempt to spill out, my brain going into overdrive. ''I just gave him a weapon, he has an angle, something he thinks he can use against me if he needs to.'' Alexi sighs. I am so tired of games and all this underhanded, backhanded manipulation of this world. Alexi the mastermind and all the complication that comes with it. I wonder what normal men and women do with their time if it's not steeped in devious plans and upper hands. ''I don't understand … why didn't you just let him have me? Save yourself all of this, if it's that important, just let him do me and be done.'' I get up and go to move away from his stifling presence, but he catches my wrist and pulls me back, cupping my face with his hand, and guides me close. I catch my breath, surprised with the gentle manoeuvre, and literally fall still, lungs ceasing to move with the unexpectedness of this. ''He would have taken you back in that room and not stopped from where I left off. I couldn't have stood there and let him.'' He angles his face and for a moment I swear he's going to kiss me. ''I see.'' It sounds stilted and alien, my body trembling subtly with the intimacy of this pose, and he just gazes at me for another long moment, barely moving and infuriatingly unreadable and blank. ''I take care of my own. You gave me boundaries and it's my job to make sure they are upheld.'' I did? When? When I begged him not to hurt me and not do this. Even while he wanted to punish me, he stopped because I said no. He stopped because of my reaction to being tied up in that room and let me go without taking it further. A hint of something more in that chest than a hollow space where a heart should be? Or just another manipulation move to get information out of me? That's what I can never tell anymore, like right now. Softness when I think he's a bastard, and yet he has a way of cajoling me and getting what he wants out of me when it appears. I should never trust him, as he always has a motive to go with each of his behaviours. Alexi is so fucking complex. A control freak who adheres to boundaries? Even in anger? He makes no sense to me. ''So, what now?'' I want him to let go of me as he's making me feel uptight, claustrophobic and vulnerable, but at the same time his touch is soothing and familiar, and I don't want him to let go of me. He makes me so indecisive and confused all the time, and it just adds to the head mess he causes me. Alexi's eyes drop to my mouth and again I get the vibe he is contemplating kissing me. I don't know if I want him to, but a part of me needs it, for this morning and for last night. It doesn't even make sense to me anymore, but now I have tasted him there's a craving to do it again. I want him to wipe away how he made me feel in that room and go back to the softness of the man who had sex with me on the couch instead. My insecure pathetic side craving an affection, so I can forgive how he was to me. I need therapy. ''I think I should move you elsewhere for a while, away from the club, make it look like you're gone. Discarded, like I lost interest.'' He goes back to his serious expression and serious tone. The warmth dropping from his voice and I literally feel the change in air temperature as it cools instantly. Letting me go abruptly and wandering away to perch back against the desk nearer the front. ''Wait, what?'' That's not the answer I expected, and I blink at him. ''This is where I belong! Where I'm putting in the hours and the work and paying off my debt to you, where else would I go?'' I'm panicking, unsure how else to take this and my head's going around in circles. I wanted to be free of him and now he's giving me the option, I don't. I want to explore more of the hints and glimpses of someone else in him. I slump down into the desk chair beside me and plank my hands on the arms as though visibly telling him I am not going to be removed from this club. What the hell is with my brain? ''I have other places, other properties and other businesses. I could use you anywhere I want and let this blow over.'' Alexi has a look of determination on his face. He's not kidding. ''Such as where?'' I sound as desperate as I feel, and all I can think about is will I still see him the way I do now? Once or twice a week and most weekends. If he sends me elsewhere will he even care to come and see me anymore, or will I disappear into the depths of his empire? It's stupid and dumb to even contemplate, considering I hate him with a passion, but I don't want to not see him. It knocks me for six because I have NEVER wanted any sort of connection to another human in my life. I abhor people and keep everyone at arm's length, and up until twenty minutes ago I fucking hated him too! I am so fucked up. ''The Hamptons for a while, I have a house there, you can lie low while I figure something else out. He would never think of looking for you there.'' ''Wait, lie low? I thought you wanted to just put me out of temptations way?'' My voice is an octave higher, making my panic obvious, but he doesn't seem to care. Alexi turns to lock eyes on me in a completely serious expression as though I do not really understand this situation at all. ''What do you think Santagato will do with something he knows is a possible weakness to me? I'm not talking about groping you in the club, Camilla; I'm talking about taking you from the street and brutalising you to within an inch of your life to get a rise out of me first chance he gets. Our families may be amicable but domination in this business is everything. We have a turf war and any break in my strength is a plus for him. Distract me and I lose my edge … he knows this.'' My blood runs cold as it hits home exactly what being connected to someone like Alexi really means. I'm a walking target and up until now his disinterest in me was my armour. He showed the wrong person that I am under his skin and now I'm a weapon. Whether he cares about me or not, they believe he does and that means I can be used. They view me as an Achilles heel even if they are way off the mark and I feel sick to my stomach as it hits home just how much danger I am in. He's right, even I know how this business uses any tiny thing to get the upper hand. It's all about control. Damaging someone's armour and sliding in below it to use to their full advantage. ''You don't care about me, so this is all so stupid,'' I say it meekly, meaning every word and knowing it's true as he comes around to face me and lean back in his original place, resting a foot on the chair I am sat in and looks down at me. ''I don't trust you, I don't like you most of the time, but I care, whether I want to or not.'' He frowns at me, no hint of the panic I feel right now in his emotionless face, and he's infuriatingly cool about this whole thing. He gets up and wanders off again, listless or restless where normally he is as still as a statue and I wonder if this is how he displays stress. Inability to stay at peace when he is working through a dilemma and has to keep walking or moving while his brain plays it out. ''You have a really funny way of showing it.'' I snap after him, my insides turning and twisting in terror at the thought I might be in real danger, lightheaded, trembling and clammy and again he turns on me with agitation. ''You think you know me? You don't know anything about me, Cam … beyond the person you see here in this place. If I didn't care, if I had zero shits to give about you then I would have handed you over to Sid any night of the week.'' His bark takes me by surprise, sparking my inner flight or fight and I react with equal aplomb. ''I actually don't know what stopped you; there's a huge difference between caring and ownership, I don't think you know the difference and you certainly don't act like there is one.'' I point out angrily not even sure why my anger is directed at him when it's Santagato who is fucking up the life I am only just warming to. Alexi is an easier target and he's here. I guess everything in some way could come down to being his fault, and I need to vent and yell at him because my head is about to explode. ''In this business ownership is everything, it's the only language these people understand.'' The only language he understands. ''That's not caring. I don't think you're capable of really caring and you just use all of this as an excuse for being a complete controlling shithead.'' Ironic that it's coming from my mouth because I didn't think I was capable either, until Alexi. Whether I want to admit it or not … the arsehole has made me care about him and I hate him for it. How the hell can a girl with no ability to feel anything about anyone start to fall for the devil himself? I didn't think I had an ounce of heart left inside of me to even beat anymore, and he has done nothing to warrant any feelings for him. Yet Santagato posed a real threat and all I kept thinking was—don't hurt Alexi. ''Either way … one outcome, whether I care about you or just own you, it makes no difference. Santagato isn't going to just back off. If the roles were reversed, I would use any obvious weakness to get at him and throw him off his game. You pull out one brick and the tower starts to come down. I exposed a brick … He won't let that go.'' ''This world is the reason you are such a twisted prick. If this is the norm between people who you play friends with face to face, and invite to your clubs as acquaintances, I would hate to meet one of your enemies.'' I am completely deflated with all of this. ''Baby … they are all one and the same, that's why I trust no one except blood. Out here they greet you with one hand while putting a gun to your head with the other. This is WHY I am the way I am.'' Trusts no one, not even me. I shouldn't care because I don't trust him either, but I have never given him anything to doubt since he walked into my life. I have enough sense to know where the lines lie, he is the first person in my life I have never lied to or played for my own ends. He is the first time in my life I have stability, security and protection, and he doesn't demand me to give over my body to get paid. He made me stop running and gave me a taste of feeling safe and cared for, like I finally belong somewhere. Alexi was the ''someone'' who first showed me an ounce of worth by taking me under his wing and giving me shelter from a cold world in which I was endlessly trying to survive in. It's no wonder my fucked-up brain has latched onto him as someone to feel something for. He met my internal longings and sort of delivered them. Security, safety and belonging. ''You're just the same, you said so yourself. Is that what you do? You greet, smile and charm while putting a knife to my throat?'' He's just confirming every move and step since I met him has probably been exactly that, and those soft hints I think I see are nothing more than a clever game plan. Alexi is as bad as Santagato only more accomplished at hiding his evil—his skills are in the psychology and not the physical pain. ''Don't think I don't see your games and lies, London. You're no angel, and you are not as honest and virtuous as you try to convince me you are. I wouldn't put it past you to pull the trigger for any one of those men if they offered you more than I was. You're an opportunist; I knew that when my men scraped you off the tarmac where Tyler's left you.'' He sneers at me and I just shake my head sadly, hurt that he really is way off the mark in evaluating me. For a man who is good at reading people, he can't read me. ''Shows how much you know about me, I know when I have it good, and I am not stupid enough to jeopardize that.'' Somehow, we both end up on our feet pacing one another in a weird circle, me in agitation because I cannot contain all this nervous energy, and he's making me uptight by wandering around playing with things on the desk in a manner that doesn't fit him. He's like a caged animal or a boxer circling his opponent and unusually wired. ''You can keep singing the same song, but it doesn't mean I am going to whistle along.'' He narrows his gaze on me and I just roll my eyes at him, he's so dense sometimes that it's hard to believe he can be that same ruthless cougar, mentally devouring people in his wake. He doesn't trust me, believe me or have any faith in my loyalty to him. Well he's a jackass because I am not dumb enough to cross him for anything, even if I didn't have some sort of weird feelings for him. I still value breathing. ''You believe what you want. You'll see one day, and I don't have to prove anything to you.'' I lift my chin defiantly. ''No, you don't, you just need to do as I say, and right now, I want you to go upstairs and pack everything that's yours, tomorrow morning you're leaving.'' He shuts me down with a sentence that feels like a slap in the face and my stomach drops to my toes. ''What? You can't be serious. This is where I live, where I work.'' Icy cold panic grips my throat as I realise he does actually mean to send me off. ''Not anymore.'' He stops pacing and just comes to rest with those empty eyes on mine, no hint of humour. Just the palest grey, rimmed with a black outer edge that never fails to penetrate my mind. He's deadly serious. Tears bite my eyes despite trying to remain composed and pain lurches through my chest like a heavy weight. ''Where exactly are you going to dump me?'' ''I told you. I have a house … the Hamptons, it's near family. I'll take you there and then when things settle down, we'll see how the land lies.'' Deadpan, emotionless and giving no fucks about getting rid of me and it wounds to the core. Even after sex, I don't mean a damn thing to him. ''What am I supposed to do in the Hamptons? I lived there before, and it was about as exciting as watching paint dry.'' There's no Alexi in the Hamptons, there's no club, no life, nothing to look forward to. It's full of dull rich people who take pride in gardening and barbecues and Sunday brunch. ''I'm sure you'll find something enterprising to occupy your time. Get packed. My family have a private plane, I need to go ask my cousin for a loan of his jet for an early trip.'' He picks up a steel ball from the display on his desk and tosses it from hand to hand casually, like he just announced something of little value. ''Just like that?'' I have to stop myself from sniffing and making my emotion obvious, he would just use it against me, and I can't take much more of this. A pawn in the chess board he lords over. ''Just like that. Now go do as you're told before I lose my patience.'' This time it's a stern snap. No nonsense don't fuck with me, Alexi, as he drops the ball with a thud back onto the weird base it sits on and I jump at his sudden change. He is lingering between normal and angry, and I am still too fragile to deal with tipping the balance. ''You're a prick.'' It's impulsive, a reaction to him making me nervy. ''So you keep telling me but it doesn't change anything. I'm sick of having you under my feet, will be nice to have my apartment back and let loose again. The Hamptons will be a nice vacation for you, give me time to get my focus back.'' I just blink at him, feeling like he just stabbed me in the chest with his damn letter opener. By focus he means women, and even though it shouldn't bother me it does. Like a wounding slice to my insides that hurts and digs at me cruelly. There's nothing I can do to sway his mind; he owns me and therefore he can ship me any damn place he wants. I hate him! Sex was a mistake, a massive can of worms I should never have opened. The danger I felt before I took that step was all warning, my head telling me that my last defences were waning and I wasn't strong enough to take him on. Sex was the last barrier before my heart took its first beat for more than a decade and let me start to fall in love with the one person who will have no qualms about crushing my soul. I didn't think I was capable of love, yet fate is punishing me for everything I ever did to those girls; to Sophie Huntsberger. This is Karma's way of paying me back for the life I have led, and I was the one who stupidly opened the door. Loving someone like him, it's like putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger willingly. Except because he is the devil, he follows you to hell and keeps tormenting you in the afterlife.