Chapter 17

He knelt down and whispered to me, "I won't say now," he said, "but you will know in time." I couldn't help but wonder what he was talking about when he stated those words. Why not right now? Why would I even know it in time? And when will I be able to find out? It perplexes me, and I attempted to figure out what it's all about, but nothing came to mind. He's difficult to read, as I've already stated. "Don't worry about it, El; I'll tell you when the time is right," he added, smiling. "I'm interested what that dare is, and why can't I find out now?" I asked. He couldn't respond right away, but he kept a smile on his face. He seemed to be looking forward to his dare as well, but he must wait for the right moment. "It's a secret, El. Just don't think it, okay? We should enjoy this day because we don't know when we'll be able to do it again." I nodded and asked him, "when is the perfect timing?" He shrugged and said, "I also do not know." "Okay, I won't think about that now since we need to make this day special," I grumbled and didn't ask any more questions about to the dare. "Do you want to try there?" I asked, my index finger pointing to the karaoke station. He gazed at the area to which I was pointing before returning his focus to me. "Are you singing?" he asked, puzzled. "Yes, I can sing," I agreed, "but I'm not very good at it. How about you?" I asked. I sincerely hope he is. I'd like us to sing a duet together, and I'll record it for posterity. I can sing, but my voice isn't fairly great. I can hit the appropriate notes, but I'm unable to enter the competition. My voice is only suitable for karaoke, not for performances in the theater. "Oum, you've already changed, El. You used to not want to sing as much since you preferred dancing," he explained. I took a big gulp. I do not how to tell him that I'm not interested in dancing. I always go to the clinic to pretend to be sick if there is a foundation during my junior high school. I don't want to dance since I'm not confident and able. It's difficult for me to pick up the steps, and I'm embarrassed when I dance. I don't have any talent because I didn't consider my ability to sing to be one. I can sing, but it's not in the style of my hobbit. "Everything has changed, Jas," I respond. "I prefer singing to dancing now. How about you? Can you sing?" I ask directly. "I don't know," he shrugged again, "let's just try it." I gave him a kind smile. "All right," I replied, holding his wrist as we walked toward the karaoke machine. We walked into the little station, which could only hold two persons. With a microphone in front of us, Jas and I sat in two chairs. There are two headphones and a touch screen on the desktop. This station is superior to karaoke outside of the timezone since there are more people who can hear you and you can capture other people's attention. Meanwhile, only the two of you can hear each other at this station. "What's your favorite song?" I questioned. "I don't know either," he replied. "Just suggest something and I'll see if I recognize the song." "OK, wait," I said as I retrieved my phone from my handbag and checked my playlist. I opened the music app to look for good music for us to sing to, and I finally decided to ask Jas if he knew the song I was looking for. "Did you know Taylor Swift song titled "crazier"?" I inquired. Hopefully he was aware of it. Taylor Swift is my favorite singer, and her songs make up the entirety of my playlist. "Can I hear it first? The title was little familiar with me," he said and I nodded. I play the music and handed my phone to him. He listened to the music and after a minute, he returned it to me. "I knew it, but not too much familiar with me. But that's okay, i can sing that," he stated. I smiled once more and said, "okay, let's find it." I excitedly swipe our card and look for the song on the desktop and I immediately play it. I am excited to hear his voice and I felt a little nervous because it was my first time to sing while someone can hear me. I don"t sing when someone can hear me. I usually sing when I am alone because I don"t want attention. One time in auntie's house in the province, they rented karaoke and they wanted me to sing so that they could hear my voice, but I refused. Jas is the first person to hear how I sing, and I'm hoping he appreciates it. I handed our headphones to Jas and said, "You can start the song." I put it on my head and turn on my phone's video recorder. Jas smiled, and I could tell he has a nice voice. I can't wait to hear his voice since he is so calm in every situation. The music began, and he turned the microphone. He followed the intro, and his voice was frigid enough to almost freeze my heart, but it was pleasant to hear. What I was hearing now was the voice of a performing artist. His voice was not husky; instead, he gently pronounces each phrase, making it incredibly relaxing to listen to. I wasn't expecting him to have such a distinctive voice. I'd like him to just complete the song because my involvement will only detract from what he's already performed. I'll never grow weary of glancing at him while listening to his voice; I'm passionately in love with him. I know that I can"t force myself to avoid him only for my love for him will end. This treatment is okay with me, but I am hopeful that he will feel the same with me. I can wait even if another decade passes. When the chorus began, he stared at me as he sang gently. I didn't feel butterflies in my stomach; instead, the entire zoo erupted in cheers as a result of my enthusiasm. Everything around him became blurry as he gazed at me, and the way he closed his eyes was slow motion for me. After the chorus, he signaled that it was my turn to sing. I put on the microphone and start singing uncomfortably. As I sang the song's words, I realized that the song reflected how I felt for him. When he came, everything changed. He drives me insane, and I get lost in his gaze. Because I am emotionally connected to the song, expressing my feelings is simple for me, and my nerves have dissipated. I looked at him while I sang the chorus. He is staring at me, and I never diverted my gaze from him while singing because I had memorized the songs. I gave him a friendly smile before shifting my focus to the screen, and when the chorus repeat, we sang it together. I can't deny that our voices sound wonderful together; I'm hearing a mix of sweetness and coldness right now, and I'm not getting tired of it even if I listen to it over and over. We exchange glances as the song ends. I smiled, but he didn't reciprocate. He merely stared at me, as if he was trying to memorize every facet of my face. I felt self-conscious, so I averted my sight from him and reached for my phone to stop the recording. The atmosphere between was so quiet and I wasn't used to us being like this so I was the first to speak between us. Without glancing at him, I said, "You have a great voice, Jas. It feels pleasant to listen to." I couldn't meet his stare since I felt he was still staring at me. I'm falling for him more and more as I stare into his eyes. I'm sure I'm madly in love with him, but I have to keep myself from sinking to his seabed. I need to defend myself because he has the potential to damage me severely, and I'm not sure I can handle it. Jas was like an ocean; he was calm and had a broad intellect. And if you were in the bottom of the sea, you couldn't see any light because it was dark, you couldn't hear anything, you couldn't speak, and you couldn't breathe; and I want to be his light, I want to be by his side so he can talk to someone, and I want to be his rest. "Let's go home, El," he said abruptly. I was taken aback and looked at him. "Why?" I asked, "Is there a problem?" I took off my headphones and placed them where they belonged. "There's no problem, El," he replied without looking at me, "we have to get out of here. Don't stick to me for now. Maintain the 2 meter space between us." I was puzzled, but I managed to respond to him. "Ye-yes, I understand," I stuttered. "All right," he said as he walked out of the station. I stepped out as well, and as he stated, I was two meters behind him. I couldn't grasp everything, and I couldn't ask him to clarify what the problem was. I was afraid he would chastise me. I was afraid that I had done something wrong or that I had done something that he did not like the idea of. I was trying to figure out what I had done wrong, but I couldn't. We were fine earlier, and he smiled at me as he began to sing. Is he upset with me? Is there a reason he's staying away from me? He was walking quicker, and if I didn't pick up the pace, he'd be gone before I knew it. He turned and took the elevator, and I did not pursue him because he had warned me to stay two meters away from him. I exited through the escalator and waited for the elevator to come to a complete halt. He exited and continued walking quickly, which is why he couldn't see me. When he entered the male area, I couldn't follow him since he headed in the direction of the comfort zoom. My gasp for breath was clear as I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I'm tired of following after someone whose rage I don't understand. We had been absolutely delighted earlier, and I had hoped that time would have slowed down so that we could enjoy ourselves, but this is the result. I promised that I would do everything in my power to make today a memorable day for us, but I fell short. While looking at my own reflection I heard and saw myself speak. "You're worthless! Don't push yourself on other! No one will love you! You're crazy! You don't know what you're doing! You're selfish! You're devil! You're just pretending to everyone! You're fooling everyone! You're fooling yourself too! You must die!" As I heard those from my own reflection I couldn"t help but cry. This is what I'm afraid of again; the bad wolf is making myself feel bad again. I need to be strong now. I have to fight with her. "You're a liar! You're the devil! Let me go! I can fight with you!" I screamed to my reflection as tears streamed down my cheeks. "You are weak! You can't beat me!" smirked my reflection. The bad reflection vanished when she stated those words. I wiped my tears away and turned away from the mirror. I'm not sure why all of this happened. I'm aware that the reflection I'm seeing isn't real. I was well aware that I was my only opponent. She spoke nothing but nonsense! My mind is the only one who speaks, and she only wants to ruin me. I want to go home too. I need medicine but why hasn't Jas come out yet? Is he all right on the inside? Should I go inside to check on him? What if he simply desired solitude? What if he yells at me because he feels I'm putting myself too close to him? What if he pushes me away and no longer wants to see me? What will I do if my suspicions are proven to be correct? Is it something I can handle?