Chapter 38

　　"Wolfsbane. That's all I need right now." 　　I expected him to be happy, afterall he loves seeing me in pain, but the look on his face was anything but. 　　"Riv-" I cut him off before he could talk me out of it. 　　"No I am serious. I want this." And I did. I needed it. Badly. 　　I just need something to numb the pain that I am feeling right now, and most of it is from Rhea. I know what I am doing is not good for her, but she needs this. Sometimes you need physical pain to cut the emotional pain. 　　It's important to me that I have a say in my life and body but it's also important to me that my mate is happy and our pack is stable. 　　No matter how hard I try, I can't be a person with no emotions and right now my emotions are all over the place. 　　"The ceremony is in a few days." 　　"I don't want to wait for a few days. I want this, I've wanted this for a while now." 　　He stood up and I followed. 　　"Riven, no. You are not thinking. I am not going to do this, I can't give it to you, because