Chapter 15

ETHAN. The barking sound of my ringtone jars me awake and I groan, snatching my phone off the bedstand. I hit the green button angrily. "What the fuck is it, Jared?" "Ah... I'm not Jared," May mutters and I blink thrice, sitting up in bed and pulling the phone back from my ear to peer at the screen. It's a little over six in the morning, and it is May. "Hi. Good...morning!" I blink again, staring into my screen. What an odd way to wake me up. She could've just knocked on the door. She could have entered and you know...do what wives do, like tap me gently, lovingly. But May doesn't have a single thought that reads *romance.* My wife wakes me up through calls when her room is right next to mine. Pretty sure I'm the only man who's going through this right now. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. "Hey, ah, it's a little earl—" "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you up? I'm am early bird, so I tend to think everyone's an early bird like me and...forget it. That's not why I called. I'm leaving right now. To get the house decor like we discussed yesterday. I thought I'd let you know before I left." Potted plants, she'd said. Oil paintings. Pictures and all those things that make me cringe as I think about them. I shudder and shake my head. She seemed excited when we spoke about it. Excited in a way I have only seen her get when it came to food. I have to make this work and not ruin it for her. "Sure. Give me a minute. I'll shower and—" "Oh. There's no need. I'll take my bike." "You are not riding that thing past the gates of our home." My voice comes out sharp, irritable. I recall almost running her over because she constantly refuses to take my help or take anything at all from me. It frustrates me every time she turns me down. I'm not trying to seduce her. I'm trying to make life easier for her, like I promised right before I asked her to marry me. While I understand that she's comfortable with these things, it makes me uncomfortable, riding in my SUV, knowing that my wife rides a bike. She doesn't yet understand how much of my reputation she stands to ruin if she keeps this up. It'd make the headlines. "That *thing* has been with me for years and..." Here we go again. I shuffle into my flip-flops and pull on the doorknob. She's right in front of my door, chiding me through the phone. She draws up short, dropping the phone, cheeks red as cherries. "I'm coming with you to the market, in my car. Cool?" May's eyes search mine and her tongue darts out to lick her bottom lip. My eyes drop, tracking the movement and my breathing slows. I lean in without even realizing it, and her scent wafts into my nose. She smells so good, and her skin... My hand rises to her cheek and her eyes shutter when my thumb grazes the soft, smooth skin, trailing further down to the curve of her lips. When her eyes open, they are dark with confusion. Her breaths are ragged, and her body trembles under my fingertips. "W-what are you doing, Ethan?" May says my name in a breathy whisper and I tilt my head, noting each tremor when my thumb grazes her soft, puckered lips. A sharp breath escapes her, and her lips part. I've been with women before, but I do not think May has been with a man before. The confusion darkening her gaze, even as her body responds to me tells me as much. *My innocent, feisty wife,* I think, as I close the distance between us, breathing in her air. "Ethan," she breathes, even as she closes her eyes. "Please." I rear back swiftly. What in the world am I doing? May staggers a step back, nearly toppling over, and I catch her arm. She flinches, yanking her hand from my grasp. "Do not touch me like that ever again!" I take a step back, heart racing for the first time. "I'm sorry. I wasn't...I wasn't thinking." "I'll be in the car," she says quietly before walking away, hair flipping in my face, and damn me, it smells just as good as she does. **** MAY. He touched me. And I have no idea what happened to my body. It just wouldn't function anymore. Even my brain had stopped working. I said *please.* Even now, I'm unsure what that meant. Please stop? Please kiss me? I feel like I'm losing my mind. I hate that when he pulled, I had wanted more from him. I had felt so cold and alone. I wanted him to kiss me. Again. Like our wedding. Heavens, I need help. The door to the car is suddenly unlocked and I look out the window as Ethan seats beside me. When the engine doesn't rev for a while and I feel his searing gaze on my cheek, I turn to him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I wasn't thinking and I overstepped." *Stop apologizing. I liked it.* Why did I like it? Why? "Yeah. Sure. It was nothing." Ethan stares at me like I've grown another head; like he was expecting something else, and just when I think he will say something, he straightens, gripping the steering wheel. If I didn't know better, I'd think my response offended him. He runs his hand through his hair. "Where...?" "Can I...drive? It'll be faster if I do." "Sure." "Why do you sound like that?" I'm usually really compliant with things like this. I usually just prefer to let things go or deal with them later when I'm in a much better mood. Or have a clearer head. But my senses are distraught and I feel the need to resolve whatever is underlying between us right now. "It was nothing?" My eyes narrow. "Should it have meant something?" "Don't do that." "Do what?" "Answer questions with questions, May," he breathes. Then he mutters something under his breath that I don't quite catch, though I'm pretty sure I catch 'manual'. "What do you need a manual for?" I ask as he starts the car. "To understand you. What you want. What you like. How to make you understand me without getting on your nerves. How to talk to you without saying the wrong things. How to be your husband. How to understand what you need and what you don't need from me. How to understand that you will never accept anything I give to you. It's hard, and I don't know what to do." His words slam into me, my gut. Every single word. I can't breathe until he finishes speaking, and even when my breath returns, I find that I have no words to say. I had no idea I'd been this difficult. I had no idea I was so...uneasy, and he'd been thinking about this, been trying. "Forget it," he says after some time, and drives out of the house, even if he doesn't know the way.