CHAPTER 5 Seeking Clarity

The night had been long and arduous, but the first light of dawn crept into my room, signaling a new day. I felt a sense of resolve wash over me, knowing that Samantha would be coming over soon. Her presence would help me shake off the lingering sorrow and confusion. As I waited for her to visit, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror beside my dressing table. My eyes were puffy, and my cheeks were still wet from last night's tears. Or maybe they are fresh tears But I saw something else too - a glimmer of determination. I knew that I couldn't change the past or control Jason's actions, but I could control how I reacted to them. I could choose to move forward, to explore new possibilities, and to find my own happiness. Samantha arrived not long after I wiped the tears and makeup from last night off my cheeks , and we sat down on the couch. With her by my side, I felt a sense of comfort and strengths. At least someone to trust with my feelings With the look on her face, I could tell she was eager to hear what went down between Jason and I, and just as I was about to offload everything to her, I felt a stream of tears running down my cheeks yet again. "Common on, girl," Samantha said, as she gave me a tight hug. "Let's get through this together." She held me tight as she kept telling me that everything would be fine The hug was long but it did the comforting job. I don’t know if it was the sound of Sam's heartbeat or her soothing voice but I felt good after she released me from her arm and right then, I told her everything. “Have you ever told Jason you had a thing for him?” she asked “no, but…….” “no but you expect him to know to how you feel?” Sam cuts in. “look, lily what you and Jason have going on as friends is beautiful and sometimes beautiful friendship is meant to remain as such” “it is okay if you want more but I think Jason also deserves to explore a romantic relationship with whomever he want” See? I knew it was all my fault. Jason never promised me a relationship. He was only being a gentleman by sacrificing visiting jenny’s just because it's where I love to go and by leaving his curtain opened so I could have a clearer view of him, and by telling me about his fantasies during our midnight chats “Do you think I should tell him now?” I asked with the eagerness to have samantha’s blessing “No, give him a chance to explore this new relationship, you won’t forgive yourself if you’re the girl who didn’t give him that chance to explore a possible connection” Even though I know that was true and the most reasonable thing to do, I still frowned at it. I was not contended at all. It was obvious to Sam that that was absolutely not the response I wanted to hear and just when I was about to protest, she cut in. “Lily, que sera sera” “If it’s meant to be, it will be” she added And with that, I began my journey of healing, growth, and discovery. The darkness of the night had given way to the light of a new day, and I was ready to face it head-on. Samantha suggested we try some yoga exercise to help me relax and center myself. I was hesitant at first, but she assured me that it would help. And it did. As we moved through the poses, I felt my body and mind relax, letting go of the tension and stress that had built up over the past few hours. After yoga, we sat down to a healthy breakfast, complete with fresh fruit and whole-grain toast. Samantha had brought over some of her famous homemade granola, the one I love so much, and we both munched on it contentedly, savoring the sweet and crunchy texture. As we ate, we talked about our plans for the day. Samantha had suggested that since it’s still the weekend, we should visit an African art museum, and I was excited to explore the exhibits and learn something new about African culture. I had always been fascinated by international art, and I knew that this would be a great way to take my mind off things and focus on something positive. The museum was a treasure trove of creativity and inspiration. We spent hours wandering through the galleries, taking in the vibrant colors and bold brushstrokes. I felt my heart and mind expanding, as if I was seeing the world in a new light. I didn’t want to leave but we had to because Sam and I were famished and we needed to get lunch. “We should stop by at pop’s to get some lunch” samantha suggested “No, pop’s” I begged Shock was written all over Samantha's face because she knows that I liked getting my lunch and dinner at pop's “Why? Because that's where Jason likes and you think you could find him there?" Samantha teased "No, I heard they have an updated menu” I lied. “And I thought we should check what they got" I lied again. “Anything you want, Lil, just make sure you get this Jason out of you mind" Samantha advised We both agreed to get our lunch at pop's as soon as we are out of the museum. We admired some beautiful African art across various sections of the museum and we chatted and laughed while we were at it. Samantha is such a sweetheart. She knows just how to make the atmosphere a lot less toxic. Look at me, smiling and laughing so loudly at her jokes and jokes. As we left the museum, Samantha turned to me with a smile. "You know, Lily, I think you're ready to start a new chapter in your life. You're strong, capable, and talented. You deserve to be happy, and I know you will be." I smiled back at her, feeling a sense of gratitude and love. Samantha had been my rock, my confidante, and my friend. She had helped me through the darkest moments of my life, and I knew that I could always count on her. We stopped back at pop's and got our lunch and luckily for me, they have an updated menu and their daiquiri tasted a lot better than it tasted when I visited with Jason. I took a glance at my usual sitting spot with Jason. The memories of the beautiful moments we both shared at the restaurant came flashing back at me and I hid. I didn't want to let Samantha down after trying the whole morning to make me feel better. Samantha drove us back to my house and I tried to keep my head still to avoid catching glances at Jason's. I also wondered how long this would last as I stepped out of the car. And just as we were about to get into my house, a voice stopped us. “Hey” It was Jason and he had just asked if he could come over with Rachel