4: The Need To Feel Alive

Camilla "Why are you being so full of yourself?" Shawn asked me harshly. I couldn't believe he was telling me this. He's the one who thinks so high of himself and yet he's throwing these irritating words at me. I shook my head in so much annoyance. "I used to be quiet because I never wanted any problem. But not today, Shawn. I don't care what else is going to happen after this. But just know that I'm making sure this divorce takes place." "I won't let you do that." He growled, fixing his eyes on me. "You can't stop me," I replied in a hushed tone, looking back into his eyes. We both glared at each other. "We'll see about that," he said, not taking his eyes off me, shifting backwards. After that, he disappeared. "Damnit!" I bawled, slamming a table. I collapsed on the couch right away, closed my eyes and I let out a deep sigh. I couldn't believe this was happening. But it's worth it. I'm not going to keep on living a miserable life, being that scumbag's wife. After we got married, he proved to be useless, heartless, and he was really bothersome. I blame myself every time for getting married in the first place. I was too blind by his false actions that I couldn't see the terrible life he had installed for me. What a jerk! In the next thirty minutes, I perched on that couch, thinking about everything. From good times to bad, from better to worse, from great to terrible. How did a relationship filled with love transfigure into that of nothing but disgust? Shows that he was lying the whole time. All those times, his words and actions were fake. I got a text from Justin, my friend since college. He was at club not too far and was hoping if I could show up. I was thinking about it. You know, after what happened with Shawn, I didn't think I was in the mood for all this. It had been long since I went to party in night clubs and all that. I couldn't even remember the last time I had so much fun. Why? It's because I've been a thinker, contemplating on Shawn's activities. I spent so much thinking about that nonsense when I should be spending time for myself. I glanced at Justin's text again, and I was having a change of mind. It's going to be a great idea if I go out tonight and have some fun. Shawn was going to enjoy himself, so why I shouldn't do that as well? I told Justin that I would be meeting him at the club. I knew the address, I knew how things always went down around that. So yes, I'm fully ready to enjoy the moment. I went to the bedroom upstairs, got dressed and my eyes caught a pack of condom on the floor. I sighed, rolling my eyes and I used my leg to shove it under the bed. Not the first time I was seeing that, not something new. When I was finally looking perfect, I made my way down the stairs, informed the helpers that I would be leaving, and I got into my car and drive off. I arrived at the night club, got out of my car and slowly made my way inside the building. The songs were loud as hell, and these folks were dancing their lives out. It had been long since I came here, and everything felt a little bit different. But I knew I was going to get used to it. To hell being loyal to Shawn. I can just get drunk, find myself a man, and who knows? The whole night might be splendid. I texted Justin that I had arrived and I scanned the crowd, trying to see if I could spot him, but I didn't. And all of a sudden, I felt someone tapping my shoulder. I turned around, and there was Justin, standing behind me with a smile on his face. "Camilla, wow, you looking really good," Justin said, still smiling. "I never knew you were this beautiful." "Hold on, is that a black eye or a compliment?" I asked, furrowing my brows at him. He laughed softly. "I'm just admiring your beauty. It's not everyday we see women like you." "Aww," I brought out, blushing. "Are you trying to flirt me?" "Me? Pff no, why would I do no that?" I gave him a serious face immediately, and he noticed that, looking at me. "What I meant to say is that.....I.... I'm not supposed to flirt you're already someone else's wife. I mean you're married to Shawn, right?" "Oh please, don't mention his name." I rolled my eyes, turning my face away. "Why not? Did the two of you have an argument?" I glanced at Justin promptly. "Are you seriously asking me that?" "Well yeah, any problem?" "Yes, there is a problem. You and I both know I'm in a loveless marriage with Shawn." "Yeah, but you never told me you guys had arguments. You know, you've been trying to put up with him the whole time." Justin grabbed a drink from a server who was traipsing, and he took some in his mouth. "Of course, I've been trying to put up with him, but there's an end to everything, right?" "No doubt about that. There was this time when I was having relationship issues with my girlfriend. I wanted to have sex and she was like, 'you know, let's not do this. Not the perfect time.' So she kept on doing that until I found out that she was cheating on me." "Ohhh, that's bad," I said lowly. "Yeah, and when I was like......" The music got too loud that Justin had to stop talking. He glanced at the DJ immediately, raising his hand to get attention. And yes, he did. "Hey, Link. Can you please go low in that stuff? I'm having a conversation right here." The DJ nodded, giving Justin a big thumbs up and he song was now a low. Well to a certain degree. "Are you guys friends?" I asked Justin, looking at Link. "Yeah, we've been cool for some time now." "Makes sense." I nodded. The music cranked up again, pounding so hard I could barely hear my own thoughts. The beats rattled my bones and the bass felt like it was pressing down on my chest. I threw Justin a look of exasperation, trying to yell over the noise.  "This is getting pretty annoying, you know?" Justin laughed, leaning in close. "Yeah, it's a bit much. Link likes to keep the party going." "Well, it's too loud," I said, raising my voice. "Hey, Link! Can you turn it down a bit?" Link glanced over at me with a smirk and shook his head. "You know, woman, this is a club, not a library." I rolled my eyes and waved my hands in frustration. "Yeah, I get that, but I can't even talk here! Just a little less volume, please?" Link's smirk faded, and he threw up his hands in a shrug. "Look, if you can't handle the noise, maybe this isn't the place for you." "Seriously?" I shot back at this DJ, feeling my patience thin. "You can't just turn it down a notch? It’s not like I’m asking for a total silence. It’s impossible to have a conversation over this."