Chapter 8

I held the white pills in my hand, staring at them and not being able to make a decision. "Hell." I grumbled and then I dropped them in the toilet and flushed them. I sighed and let my knees go weak. I slid to the ground and put my head in my hands. What the hell is wrong with me? "You okay?" I looked up to see my dad standing at the doorframe of the bathroom with his arms crossed over his chest. I pursed my lips, shrugging. My dad frowned as he stepped in and walked over to me, coming down to sit beside me. We both leaned our backs against the shower door. "Want to talk about it?" I leaned my head down on his shoulder. "Boy problems." He let out a small laugh. "Your mom would be a lot of help right now. I—I always worried about when you'd get to the age where you'd have boy problems and needed your mom to talk to, not me." "I can always talk to you, dad." I spoke softly. He sighed deeply. "I know. Whose ass do you want me to kick?" I snorted, shaking my head. "Nobody—it's fine." "Is it that boyfriend of yours? Ethan—is that his name?" I rolled my eyes, smiling. "Evan." "What did the idiot do?" My dad asked me, looking down at me and grinning. I stared at my hands. "Nothing really. We just—got into fight." "Over what?" I paused, not sure how to tell my dad all of this. My dad and I were very close considering it was just the two of us. We talked about everything—he was always joking around and being the crazy, lovable man he is. But what was I supposed to say about boy problems? "Over another boy." I laughed at how ridiculous it was. "He thinks I'm being defensive about one of my friends." "So—he's jealous," my dad noted. "Let me ask you this—who puts your happiness above everything else?" I thought for a moment. Of course I was happy with Evan. We were happy—with the exception of him not liking me being friends with Zac. We were happy. When Zac was being Zac—normal Zac, funny and relaxed Zac, or even flirty and arrogant Zac—he made me laugh. But then other times—he would hurt me and make me sad or angry or annoyed because he was always giving me different sides of himself. "Who defends you?" My dad continued. Evan—Evan never once told Lucas or Jack to stop when they were being pricks and making comments about me or to me. He never told them to shut up or leave me alone—even though he knew I didn't like being around them. But they're his friends. I don't want to cause issues between him and his friends. He shouldn't have to fight with his friends because of me—so, I don't say anything. If I told him to tell them to stop, he would. I think he would. Why wouldn't he? "Who makes you feel—safe? Like you have nothing to worry about." I exhaled deeply. When I was in a bad mood, all I wanted was a hug from Evan. Being in his arms calmed me down and made me feel relaxed. But Zac... He would never let me drive alone at night. He always drives me himself because he doesn't want me driving late at night. He didn't let me get an Uber because he didn't want me to get in some strangers car. It's not the deep, everyone uses Uber so why didn't he let me? Zac had apologized for being an asshole. He knew he was wrong, he knew he had been mean and he apologized. He got mad at me for not texting him to let him know I had gotten home safe. Evan let me leave the party without question. Zac didn't—he offered to drive me home and wouldn't take no for an answer because he wanted to make sure I got home safe. Evan didn't come after me after we fought. He let me leave, he didn't care that I was mad. My dad kissed the top of my head. "Answer those questions and you'll know which one is worth defending." My dad stood up and gave me a reassuring smile. "Just remember one thing, kiddo—" "What?" I raised my eyebrows. "Teenage boys are all assholes." He shot me a grin before walking out. He wasn't wrong. "Bloom." I ignored him. "Bloom." He was persistent. "Blooooom," he whined like a child. "What?" I turned to look at him, snapping. He decided to sit beside me in English— despite my arguments. I proceeded to ignore him all class because I—I was choosing to be stubborn and remain mad at him. He deserved as much. He pouted out his bottom lip like a little kid. "Stop ignoring me. Pretty please." I looked down at my paper, continuing writing. "I'm talking to you right now—aren't I?" Zac didn't bother doing his assigned work. "You're not actually talking to me." He leaned closer towards me, frowning dramatically. "Stop being mad at me. I—apologize." I rolled my eyes, not looking at him. "Bloom." "Bloom." "Bloom." Then, he started poking my face with a pencil. I snatched the pencil out of his hand, glaring at him. "Can you stop? I'm trying to work." "You are such a nerd." He poked my cheek with his finger, grinning at me. "You're not helping yourself." I gritted. He smiled cheekily, leaning into me. "Probably not." Five minutes of peaceful silence later, he turned to look at me once again. "Have you forgiven me yet?" I ran a hand down my face. "If I say yes, will you shut up?" He paused for a moment before nodding contently. "Yes." "Forgiven," I muttered, looking back down at my work again. The rest of class, every few minutes Zac would say "nerd" and then poke my face until I told him to shut up. That went on for a while. "So, are we studying tonight?" Zac asked as he followed me out of the class and started walking with me. "What?" "Study. Tutor. Tonight." He spoke slowly, raising his eyebrows as he looked at me. "Uh—I can't. I'm busy." I avoided his gaze, not wanting to bring Evan up because I knew they couldn't stand each other. "What—why not?" "I'm busy." I repeated, hoping he would drop it. I continued walking to my locker. "But—we have a test tomorrow." I stopped in my tracks. I had completely forgotten about the test because I was too occupied being annoyed at Zac, mad at Evan, conflicted and confused—especially after the things my dad had said to me. It had got me thinking, which led to debating if I wanted to take some pills to temporarily numb my mind. "Shoot." "So—" Zac urged. "Are we studying tonight?" I sighed, shutting my eyes for a moment. "Sure, I got to go." I quickly speed-walked away before he could stop me because I had to go find Evan. I hadn't really talked to him since the fight we got into—nor had he texted me anyways. We were going to hang out tonight because he told me he felt bad and wanted to take me out. That was his way of apologizing—or at least making me forget about the fight. I found him standing by his locker with his asshole friends, as usual. "Hi babe," he grinned when he saw me walking over. "Hi." I mumbled, ignoring Lucas's eyes on me. He was standing there with his stupid smirk, just ogling me. "Can we talk for a second?" "Yeah, what's up?" I glanced at his friends before looking at him again. "Can we talk? Without the company of your—lovely friends." "Feeling the love, baby." Lucas winked at me—only causing my urge to vomit to increase. God, I really hated him. Evan patted his friends back, laughing as he waved them off. He walked away from them, standing on the other side of the hallway with me. "About our plans tonight—I have to rain check." "What happened?" He frowned, taking my hand in his. "I—I have to study. I have a chem test tomorrow." I shifted uncomfortably on my feet. Evan narrowed his eyes, letting my hand slip from his. "Chemistry? That means Zac also has this test—which means you have to tutor him." "Yes." I responded flatly and took a step away from him. After he snapped at me yesterday, I was worried to see his reaction when I tell him I'm going to be with Zac tonight. I knew it agitated him and overtime, I was worried his anger would grow and he would go punch Zac in the face—or something. Evan clenched his jaw. "You're bailing on me to hang out with him?" I could sense his irritation growing. I squeezed my hands shut tightly. "I'm not hanging out with him—we have to study. I have to tutor him." I felt like I were explaining complex math functions to a clueless ten year old. "You're still bailing on me to see him." I fought the urge to groan as my frustration sky-rocketed. Instead, I remained calm and took Evan's hand in mine, offering a smile. "Ev, you know I have to tutor him. I'm getting the extra credit points I need and he's going to fail the class if I don't help him study. You know the deal—me tutoring him so he can stay on the team and in return, I get extra credit points. That's all it is." I just—wanted to keep him from getting unnecessarily angry. Evan exhaled deeply. He shut his eyes for a moment before looking at me again. "Okay—sorry. You're right. I just don't like the kid." I forced a tight-lipped smile. "I am aware." "Alright." Evan shrugged, brushing me off and heading back to his friends. "I'll see you later." I watched him walk off to his friends—Lucas who was still smirking at me. "Does this make sense?" I watched Zac carefully to see if he were understanding the things I explained to him. He paused for a moment, staring at the textbook intensely. "Yes—I think so." He looked at me, eyebrows furrowed. "We get to use the periodic table during the test—right?" "Yes, Zac." I laughed. It was—dainty to see how worried he was about this test. He really did care. I felt motherly-like proud because he genuinely was trying—and we were making progress. Zac exhaled deeply, flopping back on the bed to lay on his back. He stared up at the ceiling. "Who knew three hours of studying would actually pay off and I'd learn something." I laughed, shaking my head at him as I started stuffing my books back into my backpack. Zac partially sat up and peered at me. "Where are you going?" I quirked an eyebrow. "Home? We are done studying—right? My brain has shut out chemistry for the rest of the night." Zac grinned lightly. He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back—causing a small squeal to escape my lips. We both were now laying on our backs, on his bed and staring at the ceiling. "Miller," I mumbled, looking at him from the corner of my eye. "What are you doing?" He shrugged, not looking at me. He folded his hands on top of his stomach. "Just—stay. Would you?" I couldn't help the surprise on my face—I was taken aback by the fact that Zac Miller was telling me to stay, to lie here on his bed with him instead of kicking me out of his house. Weeks ago I would have laughed if someone told me to imagine this. I obliged and looked at the ceiling. We stayed quiet for a few minutes. It was oddly comfortable. I hesitated. "Why—can I ask why your parents are never home?" My voice came out quiet. I didn't know if it were completely out of line for me to ask personal questions. I just wanted to know him—understand him. Zac sat up. His back was towards me. I sat up too, hesitating as I reached out to touch him. I stopped myself, letting my arm fall back to my side. "Zac?" He cleared his throat and stood up, avoiding looking at me. "I think—maybe you were right. You should go home." Zac paced, trying to find something—anything to occupy himself with. He just didn't want to look at me. Now, he really was kicking me out. "Zac, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—" "Let's call it a night." He cut me off, still avoiding meeting my eyes. "Zac—" I frowned, standing up. I reached forward to touch his arm but he quickly flinched back, stepping away from me. "I'm sorry. I was just—" "Stop apologizing," he snapped, looking at me now. He shook his head unsurely. "Just—just go, Jasmine." Jasmine. He was mad at me. Because I was a stupid idiot who assumed it would be okay to ask him personal questions. I was dumb enough to think that Zac Miller considers me a friend he can open up to. Boy, am I wrong. Instead of saying anything—seeing as he couldn't look at me right now, I packed my things and left his room. He didn't follow me. He didn't stop me or come after me. Just like Evan.