The City’s Killing Me

‘I’m…I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.’ Violent sobs racked my whole body. I couldn’t control the flood of tears. ‘It’s okay.’ He stroked my hair. ‘It’s okay. Let it out. I’m here. It’s okay.’ ‘I’m sorry…’ I kept repeating it over and over, though I knew an apology was useless. My heart hurt so much, like someone carved it out of my chest and fed it through a meat grinder. I bit Kieran’s arm. He held it there and let me sink my teeth into his skin, sharing my pain. I tasted blood. ‘Why? Why did this have to happen to me?’ I could take whatever punishment god meted out, but why must my baby pay the price? What the hell did I do wrong? ‘I even picked out baby names. I was shopping for baby clothes. I thought about which kindergarten my baby should go to, what birthday gifts I’ll buy…’ My vision was blinded by tears. ‘Kieran, why? Why did this happen to me?’ He held me in his arms and let me vent. I cried until I had no more tears left. He sighed. ‘Maybe the baby’s not ready to be our child,’