CHAPTER 33: HOW BAD CAN IT BE?

CHARLES It was quiet. I liked quiet. It gave me a sense of embodiment or concealment, which I have been doing for as long as I can remember. I thought I was finally ready to let myself be friends with Maria; I even thought it would be easier seeing her carry another man's child. But no. My stupid heart thumps with anticipation each time she is nearby. Seeing her giddy and happy today must have done things to me cause why the hell do I keep wishing she was carrying my child and I'm finally able to give her the love she deserves? Apart from being weird that I've had this silly spot for her in my heart, it was wrong to keep giving up everything to be close to someone I'll never have. Even though she hides it cleverly, I still see how she subtly defends and protects Damien. It should have turned my radar on and put me off because he still has a place in her heart. Instead, I'm out on a cold night thinking about what I can't have. I stared at the garden, the flowers now dark silhouette