Chapter 10

"Fuck this, I don"t care," he snarled, and I frowned as I wondered what was wrong with him and why he suddenly swore. "What..." I could not continue what I was about to say when he drew his face closer to mine and, without wasting any time, pressed his lips against mine. In horror, my eyes almost exploded out of their sockets. I could not move and stood there like a stump while he kissed, no, ate my lower lip. Is he a vampire of some sort? He is licking and nibbling my lips like if they are a delicacy he has been dying to try. My eyes were wide open and frozen in place, unable to move. This was not something I expected to happen. Even in my dreams, I never imagined or imagined that something like this would happen to us. We were going about our business without thinking about one other"s life, and then something happened? My intuition tells me that we should not do this. That we must come to a halt while we still have the opportunity. My head is raising a giant red flag about what we are doing right now, but my body has chosen to be deaf and mute to my brain"s plea. His lips elicited an automatic response from my body. My thoughts told me to shove him away, but my body told me to grab him closer. His lips are still on my skin, sucking it like it has never been done before. While kissing me, he said, "Open your mouth." I am not sure how he managed to speak without leaving my lips, but he did. My lips remained pursed, and his brow furrowed. I can see his expression now, especially because he kisses me with my eyes wide open. His eyes were closed and he moved in time. He bit the inside of my lip, forcing me to open my lips to get some oxygen. I sensed him grinning, possibly because he got what he wanted. He inserted his tongue into my mouth and began to probe it. I came to my senses as a result of what he did. I abruptly pushed him away and widened the gap between us. "W-what are you doing?" I exclaimed, my voice scratchy. Because of her kissing, I am having trouble breathing. I am not sure how long he kissed me for. All I know is that our lips had been pressed against each other for quite some time. I did not feel out of breath till now. "What did you do, brother?" I inquired, my gaze fixed on him. My voice became louder. I am having trouble comprehending what he just said. "Why? Why did you give me a kiss?" My entire body shivered in disbelief at what he had done, and I could feel my lips shaking slightly as well. "Do not act like you have never been kissed before," he said coldly. "You can"t make me believe your lies. Not me, bitch. Besides, you seemed to enjoy it as well." He said, a dark grin on his face. He looks at me from head to toe, his face contorted with disgust. After staring at my entire body, he still shook slightly. With the way he is staring at me, I get the impression he is undressing me. I am feeling really betrayed and insulted. Because of what he said, my tears continued to pour. How can someone be so cruel? How can he be so cruel to me? He made me sound like a scumbag. He made me feel like a jerk once more, as if I were useless and a whore. My eyes welled up with tears. I do not mind if he notices my frail side. I am having a hard time controlling my emotions right now. All of the harsh remarks he said to me, as well as his chilly treatment of me, feel like flashbacks to me. I recall him reminding me and telling me over and over that he would never be my brother. That no matter what I do, I will always be an orphaned woman trying to fit into his family. I am the type of person who easily forgive. Even though I am already in pain, I am the type of person that attempts to comprehend the situation. I try to look at the bright side of things whenever possible. People are always given the benefit of the doubt in my eyes. I am not easily irritated. I do not whine about how others treat me. When others treated me as if I were a choice rather than a priority, I did not say anything. When I am angry, I do not say or do anything; instead, I just cry. I am having trouble articulating my thoughts and feelings. That is the type of person I am. I can forgive quickly, and even though you have injured me, I can treat you the same way I did before, but I will never forget. What you have done to me is something I will never forget. My feelings are like a jar. There is a record of everything you told me and did to me. And that jar is progressively filling up as you hurt me. I do not want that jar to get overflowing. I simply do not want to. "Why? Why are you behaving in this manner toward me." When I stated that, my eyes welled up with tears. "Why? Why do you despise me so much?" I cry and ask. Because of the tears in my eyes, my eyesight is fuzzy. "How come you can"t treat me better? Why can"t you welcome me and treat me as if I were a member of your family?!" I sobbed uncontrollably as I said that. My thoughts are all over the place. I am unable to think clearly. All I know is that everything he said and done has made my heart break. "Because I do not want you to be my family," he stated coldly and emotionlessly, not looking at me. "I do not want you in my life, Anna. If I can only choose the people that I want to be in my life, you will be one of those that will not choose," he remarked before leaving me alone in the kitchen. What he said pierced my heart like a thousand swords slashed right through it, and I sobbed even harder as I leaned against the kitchen wall. I"m having another anxiety attack. Because I cannot stop crying, my breath is laboring. I could hear what he said over and over again, as if it were a broken record. "I am not interested in having you in my life." "I would be more than happy to pass on you." "Whore." "Attention seeker." I sobbed as I walked weakly towards my room. For my anxiety attack, I need to take my medication. I honestly did not think I would ever feel that lonely again. I feel as if I am trapped in this terrible realm once more. I can picture Annalise, the young girl, trembling in pain once more. I walk past my mirror and come to a halt when I notice my reflection. The woman I am seeing right now is not Annalise, who flashes a bright smile. This is my name. I now see Annalise"s true self, which has been exposed beneath her armor of smiling. This is who I truly am. The real me, who has suffered and continues to suffer. I can see my true self, which I have been attempting to conceal for years. One who has been bruised and broken. I forced myself to look away from the mirror and walked carefully over to the drawer, pulling out my medicine. I drank it rapidly and then sobbed against the bed"s headboard. I wrap my arms about my feet and sob silently. I wish my parents were still here to console me at times like these. How I miss my mother"s calming and warm hugs, as well as my father"s reassuring voice that assures me that everything will be alright as long as he is with me. If only they were here to help. I would gladly pay them a visit in the afterlife if I could. When I fell asleep, I was still crying. Everything that has happened has tired my body, heart, and mind. My eyes were inflamed when I awoke. Auntie would undoubtedly inquire as to what had occurred to me and why I had sobbed. Why are my eyes usually puffy when I weep, so that it is clear whether I cried or not the next day? I made the decision to get up. I went to take a shower in the bathroom. Because I was the only one in my room, I did not bother bringing clothes to the restroom. I can even wander around naked here because no one will see me. I decided to take a bath in the tub. I am at ease while also being able to think clearly. The cold water in the bath tub did not appeal to me. I do not turn on the heating at all. I prefer it because I believe that if the water is cold, I will chill down as well, so even though I was shivering in the cold, I persevered. The water was icy at first. You will become accustomed to the cold if your body has adjusted to it. Funny how that sounds very similar to what I have been going through with my brother. He was always cold towards me and didn"t bother to speak to me. He exclusively uses cruel phrases when he speaks to me. Tsk. All I want to know is when I will be able to adjust to the way he treats me. I thought I was used to the way he treats me, but I was mistaken. I am still not able to accept his nasty statements. While soaking in the bath tub, I did not know I had fallen asleep again. If you sleep well, you wil be able to tell if you are genuinely weary. That is how I am wired. I always sleep when I am tired, exhausted, or depleted. That appears to be my coping method for getting away if anything bothers me. That is how I forget about the discomfort for a while. I decided to get dressed when I awoke. I got out of the bath tub and grabbed the towel that was hanging on the rack. I wrapped it around my chest and exited the restroom. My neck ached slightly, most likely as a result of my prolonged reclining in the bath tub earlier. I rubbed that area of my neck and twisted it gently. I a. going to have a stiff neck as a result of that, ah. What a misfortune for me. As I proceeded towards my closet, I hardly closed my eyes when I sensed a presence behind me. I am aware that someone is looking at me. You have had the feeling that someone is watching you, that even though you cannot see them, you know they are looking at you. Is it just my imagination, or is there someone there? I rolled my gaze across the room as I opened my eyes. When I realized I was not alone in my room, I gasped. Brother Alessandre is at the foot of my bed, looking as gorgeous as ever. Seeing him now reminded me of all the hurtful things he said to me the night before. I cannoy believe he did that, and I cannot believe he thinks of me that way. An attention-seeking snob. I made an effort not to express my dislike for him. Instead, I gave him a little smile, despite the fact that I was already worried that he is in front of me with only a towel wrapped around my body. As he noticed my position, he frowned. He did not appear pleased to see me dressed like this. Even I am annoyed that he sees me in this predicament. I wanted to dash inside my walk-in closet just to make myself look insane, but I could not bear the humiliation that slowly turned my entire face red. With his brows wrinkled, he inquired, "What are you wearing?" He did not try to gaze down at my entire body; instead, he glanced straight at my face. I almost whispered, "A-Ah, I just had a bath." When, as a result of what happened the night before, I felt even more awkward around him. "Don"t you know how to lock the door?" he questioned, frowning. His eyes are like daggers aimed at me. Even though it is too early in the morning, he seems angry once more. "Didn"t you think someone may barge into your room out of nowhere?" he irritatedly said. "Please, Anna, for Pete"s sake. Aren"t you even thinking? What are you still waiting for? Do you want me to dress you?" he asked, anger visible in his dangerous blue orbs. It appears to be flaming with rage right now. "A-Ah, brother, I will just get dressed," I said. I was scared to approach my walk-in closet because doing so would force me to turn away from him. Because my towel is not very long, it will inevitably rise as I walk, exposing my legs even more. Whatever. I quickened my pace as I approached my walk-in closet. I was on the verge of running simply to get in. As I walked inside my walk-in closet, my entire face flushed. Even though I just took a bath and there is still water pouring from my wet body, I feel like I am sweating. That was very humiliating. Yes, I am enraged and upset with my brother. Despite this, I could not help but feel threatened by him. I remembered what had happened the night before. He kissed me in such a way. I am not sure why he did it, and I would like to talk to him about it, but I was too afraid and hesitant to do so. He needed to know that what had happened the night before should not happen again. Aunt Lila and Uncle Sandro should also be unaware of this. I am not sure how they will react if they learn that he and I kissed. I put on an enormous t-shirt and a pair of shorts with trepidation. My shorts are not excessively short; they are simply moderate and not obnoxious; nevertheless, because the t-shirt I chose is long and loose, it is no longer evident that I am wearing shorts, so I do not appear to be wearing any. These are the ones I use when I am just lounging about the house. It is also more relaxing and refreshing because it is moving. I emerged from my walk-in closet once I was able to comb my hair and dry it with the blower. I was not expecting to see my older brother standing in the same position as he had been previously. Didn"t he really leave his position? And did he really wait for me to finish? That was strange. "Uh," I responded, unsure of what else to say. He just stared at me, as though assessing my appearance. As he examined my general appearance, his brows furrowed as well. "Let"s go, breakfast is ready," he murmured before turning away from me and exiting my room. His brows remained wrinkled. Something seemed to be bothering him. What could it possibly be? I was also following him as he walked. What he is doing now perplexes me. He almost uttered all those awful words to me last night, and now he will rush into my room. For what purpose? What was he looking for when he went there? "Ahm, do you require any assistance from me?" I inquired. Since he wasted time going to my room, I am hoping he will tell me anything. He had never done anything like that before, and it was the first time he"d entered my room. With a grimace on his face, he simply gazed at me. "Ahm, you went inside my room, which is unusual for you. I am presuming you will require something from me, or did I do anything incorrectly?" I remarked, which made him laugh, and I was astonished when he looked down because the height difference between us was so great. "Why? Is it anything I am not authorized to do?" He inquired, a teasing grin on his face. What the hell is he talking about? I am suddenly nervous by the way he smile at me. I feel like something that I will be not happy will happen. He acts as if what happened last night did not hurt me, and he is now back to his playful self, which I am still surprised to learn about. "Are you the only person who has access to my room?" With a raised eyebrow, he asked, and I almost choked on my own saliva. Then, he must remember what happened, which I assumed he did not because he did not mention it to me last night. Of course, if he was busy with something else last night, how could he tell me that? I shook my head, trying not to remember what had happened the night before. "W-What? I have no idea what you are talking about," I responded quickly, averting his gaze. This situation was becoming awkward, and I assumed he had forgotten. Here I am, going through all those trouble just so I can avoid him and yet he still remember and even confronted me. I feel like my efforts of avoiding was only put in vain because if what he is saying right now. "Really?" Oh god, spare me from this embarrassment, he asked, as if he was teasing me.