Chapter 8 : In The Darkness

As I suspected, Orion was gone when I woke up. For a split second, I wondered if he had tricked me again. Fooled me through my dreams again…but then I smelled him. The scent of his cologne on my sheets. I had forgotten how good it smelled. How badly I wanted to bottle it up for myself. Musky and masculine. As sinful as he tasted. My mouth watered thinking about last night. His kiss. The way he fed from me. The sensation of his hand around my throat. We didn't have sex. He wouldn't even let me finish him off. I hummed in disappointment, getting lost in the fantasy of sinking to my knees in front of him. Watching the confusion wrinkle his forehead. For once it wouldn't be about my pleasure…it would be about his. I don't know if he ever indulged in sex for the simple primal enjoyment of it. I wanted him to want me, not for the necessity of feeding his hunger but for his own desire. But that begged the question…why would he come to me when he could have anyone he wanted? Why did I matter? I knew what he would say. He would tell me I didn't matter, how I was only a tool for him to use, but if that were the case, he wouldn't have asked me what happened to me. He would have killed me the second I asked too many questions. An odd warmth flushed through my chest. He liked me. This demon. Incubus. Whatever or whoever he was. He liked me. Slowly sitting up, I untangled my blankets from around my legs. Still only in a bra and panties. More proof he was really here. Fingerprints marked my hips, lipstick smeared everywhere. I hummed with energy. A sigh of contentment left my lips as I threw my arms over my head, stretching out newly rejuvenated muscles. Turning over, I glanced at my clock. 9:45 AM. Wow, I slept in today. Guess I needed it. I got up slowly, taking a makeup wipe to my face to rid myself of the lipstick and streaky concealer. Hell, even my mascara had run all over the place. I looked like an utter mess. A giggle sprung from my lips. Finding humor in the fact I looked like this when Orion played me with his hands and delved into my mouth. He couldn't care less if I was put together or not. I stepped into the Jack-and-Jill bathroom I shared with Nova, hopping into the shower. As much as I didn't want to wash Orion's scent off of me, I also felt incredibly dirty. I heard movement from Nova's room and the doorknob jiggle. "I'm taking a shower!" I called out. The jiggling stopped and I made quick work of sudzing up, washing off and drying my body. I unlocked the other door and stepped back into mine. As soon as I did, I heard the shower turn on again. I didn't have work today, but I didn't want to stay cooped up all day. I did my morning routine, getting dressed and applying my makeup. Once I grabbed my concealer and looked back in the mirror, I paused. "Scars are reminders of war…should be worn like a badge of honor…" My throat bobbed, and for the first time since the accident…I felt beautiful. Strong. Someone who defeats death. I was a survivor and I didn't have to hide it. I glanced to the side of my mirror, where my mother's earrings sat, waiting for the day for me to wear them. I think I was finally ready to wear them so I could finally feel her with me again. So, I put them in, adoring the way the silver complimented my gray eyes. A smile pulled at my lips and I tied my hair up with a scrunchie. But as soon as I stepped out into the living room, I regretted not covering up. The shower was still going, but Nova was sitting on the couch, sipping a cup of coffee and clicking through some Netflix shows. She turned to look at me, lips parting in surprise. "Oh, Adira! I didn't hear you come home last night." A flash of last night came over my vision. The noise of her headboard. Moaning. Crying out my ex-boyfriend's name. "Yeah, you sounded a little busy." The shower turned off. "That's him…isn't it?" Nova's face turned ghostly white. "I thought you were going to be working until two…I'm sorry. I didn't want you to hear any of that." My teeth ground together. "Save it." I crossed the room, grabbing my keys. Nova scoffed. "What about you?" I turned slightly, crossing my arms. "What about me?" "I heard someone in your room last night. I thought we agreed not to bring one-night stands here," she stated, staring me down. Her dark-eyed stare weakened my knees, insecurity breathing down my neck. My heart pattered in my chest, anxiety rising inside of me. "A one-night stand is a little different from your best friend's ex-boyfriend, Nova," I retorted. She dropped the topic, noticing the keys in my hand. "You're going out like that?" "...yeah." "That's brave," she said halfheartedly. The door to Nova's room swung open and Deacon walked out. Freezing when he saw me. "Oh, hey…Adira." He was shirtless, boxer briefs slung low on his hips. What did I ever see in him? He wasn't worth five years of my life. He couldn't hold a candle to Orion. "Don't fucking talk to me," I snapped, snatching my keys off the hook and wanting to get out of that stifling room as soon as possible. "Hey!" Nova shouted, walking around the couch. I should have slammed the door and left, but I stood there like an idiot. "Stop being such a bitch. He dumped you. Get over it. It's not my fault that you could never do it for him." I turned slowly, the pent-up anger flaring like a volcano spitting ash. My hands trembled on the doorknob, torn between slamming the door behind me and locking them into the apartment with me. No. No. Push it down. Push it down. "It's fine, Nova. Sounds like Adira found someone desperate enough to keep the lights on," Deacon snickered. "I hope it was good for him too." My hands tightened into fists. "Why do you guys always say that to me?" I muttered. "Isn't it enough that you went behind my back? You need to point and laugh at me too?" "When did I ever point and laugh at you?" Nova asked, crossing her arms. "I would never make fun of you, Adira." Deacon backpedaled. "I didn't think you were so self-conscious. Maybe work on that a little bit. Learn to take a joke." My eyes narrowed. "I've heard that before." I fumed, lips curling and teeth grinding. My eyes flashed over the knife block once, ignoring the thrilling sensation of pulling it out and digging it far into something soft. But I gulped it down. Hid that fantasy in the deepest corner of my brain. I willed it to go away. But it didn't. It lurked there, in the darkness, just out of reach, but I knew the violence was there. Waiting for me to give into it. Feed it. No. No. No. I shook it away, slamming the door behind me. *** I spent the day driving around town. Doing various errands to keep my mind off of everything. Getting some coffee, even driving to a few thrift stores to pick up some clothes. Even bought some new shoes to wear for work. Slowly, I started to run out of things to do. Fuck. I didn't want to go home. Watch Nova and Deacon openly shower each other in affection. Affection he never wanted to give me. Not even in private. I frowned, mind wandering over to Orion as it often did. Wanting him to kiss me in public. Be proud to be seen with me. But I only ever saw him at night. In the privacy of my room, bathed in the soft orange light of my lamp. I shouldn't want this. He was a demon. I couldn't expect him to act like a human boyfriend. He wasn't my boyfriend either. Just an infatuation that made me feel good. The supernatural equivalent of a fuckbuddy. I wanted more, but he would never give it to me. With a sigh, I brought my fast food sandwich to my lips. Eating quietly in my car where I knew I wouldn't hear backhanded compliments about being "so brave," or "an inspiration." It annoyed me more than the insults. I hated pretending. My phone buzzed. SARAH: Hey! The new schedule is up. Want a picture? ME: No thanks. I'll swing by :) Sweet. Something else to do. I was close enough to Maxine's and I definitely didn't want to go home yet. Luckily, it was a weekday and parking wasn't a total nightmare. But, as usual, Maxine's was busy as all hell. I waved hello to a few servers and ducked into the backroom where Sarah had the schedule pinned to the bulletin board. I hummed, scanning down the paper to find my name before leaning back and taking a picture with my phone. "Don't touch me…please." A soft tone, very different from Sarah's brash, in-your-face Oklahoman accent. She sounded like her throat was tight. I could barely hear her over the ruckus of the kitchen through the door. My pulse rocketed into my ears. Something felt very wrong. "Come on, Sarah, it'll just be a minute. I'll make it quick," a baritone voice muttered. "It-it's…unprofessional. You're my boss and you're married and—" "Oh come on baby, I know you want to." I followed the voices to the dark hallway leading to Bill's office. Around the corner from the lockers, but very much out of sight. My stomach churned when I saw Bill hovering over Sarah, how she recoiled further into the wall, looking for a way to duck around him, but both of his arms confined her. My heart felt like it was in my throat. I needed to say something. Do something. One of his beefy hands combed a blond strand of hair out of Sarah's face. I could see the fear in her eyes from here. But relief washed over her face when she saw me down the hall, staring at them. "Hey!" she greeted, voice cracking with a fake everything-is-alright smile. Bill's gaze shot over to me, lips curled downwards into a very pissed-off frown. "Something you want?" I gulped hard. "The…the schedule?" I squeaked, barely able to get the words out from around the lump in my throat. "Oh, yes," Sarah took her out, ducking around Bill and scurrying over to me as if he was the monster nipping at her heels every time she turned the lights off as a child. She grabbed my bicep, pulling me toward the bulletin board. My eyes didn't leave Bill's though. The man's eyes dipped down my body as if he wanted to see what I looked like under my clothes. A disgusted shiver rocketed down my spine. "What questions do you have?" Sarah asked loudly as soon as we were out of Bill's eyesight. "Are you okay?" I murmured just loud enough for Sarah to hear. The color still hadn't returned to her face even with the forced smile on her lips. She looked over her shoulder and back at me again. "I'm okay…" she decided, but I wasn't sure if I believed her. "Why did you let him talk to you like that?" I asked gently. The smile fell and she swallowed forcefully. "I need this job. I can't afford to lose it. Don't say anything, please." "You could report him…or—" "Or what? He hasn't done anything to me, Adira. I…I can't…" She paused. "Don't worry about me. It's just some…casual workplace banter." She didn't believe that any more than I did. Frowning, I wished I could do something. Say something to make any of this feel better. "You shouldn't have to deal with this." "I can handle it," she snapped. "It's not the first time I've been in a situation like this. I…" She breathed hard through her nose. "I still go home and get paid." She looked over her shoulder and then back to me again. "Do me a favor, okay…" "...Okay?" I echoed. "Don't go into his office alone. Don't trust him to walk you to your car. For any reason do not put yourself in that position. Do you understand?" Sarah pleaded, both of her hands gripping my wrists. Don't put yourself in that position…as if it's my fault when a man goes out of his way to hurt me. My teeth ground together, anger flaring in my belly. "Yes…I understand…" I forced it out between my teeth. She released me with a relieved sigh. "Okay. I will see you for your shift on Wednesday." Without another word, she led me to the employee exit, not leaving me alone for a moment. As I turned to say goodbye, I saw Bill in the distance, just beyond the darkness of the hallway. Looking at me. And it chilled me to the core.