Not worthy of pity

“Let...Me...Go.” Ivan’s body weight sits heavily on me and his hands wrap around my neck. Out of breath and terrified, I do everything in my power to save my life. I scratch him repeatedly on the arms and try to hit him but I’m too weak in comparison. Powered by his rage, I don’t even think that he’s aware of what he’s doing to me right now. His eyes are nothing but two deep holes, devoid of life. But, just as I’m starting to lose hope, the door to his study room opens and there is a tiny voice: “Ivan?” Ivan is suddenly snapped out of his trance. We both turn at the same time and see Nico standing by the door with a terrified look on his face. I can’t begin to imagine what would go through a five years old’s mind after witnessing a scene like this. His mouth is half opened and I can see his shoulders trembling despite the distance between us. Ivan gets off of me swiftly and runs a hand through his hair to smooth it down. He smiles but it doesn’t r each his eyes. “Hey lil’ bro...” He pants. “Did you need something?” Nico hesitates to speak and it’s understandable. I would be scared out of my mind too if I was in his position. Did he ever see his brother behave this violently before? I don’t think. The young boy gathers all his courage to point at me and stutters: “I w-want Lina...Lina...W-Will you h-help me sh-shower?” I note that Nico is still in his pajamas and yes; he is probably too young to take his own shower. I offer him a croaked smile to ease his anxiety but I’m not sure it’s very effective when I look this disheveled. I try to stand up from the desk but it’s obvious that i’m in terrible pain. Ivan slammed me down so hard that he could have broken my back. Maybe he did already if the throbbing of my bones is anything to judge by. I stand on my legs with great difficulty and wrap an arm around my waist. “O-Okay...” I whisper. “Let’s go give you a shower, baby.” I make sure to walk as far away as possible from Ivan. I don’t even glance back at him as I rush to Nico’s side and take his hand. The both of us leave the study room together and I can finally breathe. Tears fill my eyes again and not just because of the pain in my lower back; I’m emotionally wrecked. Nico watches me cautiously but doesn’t say a thing. I take him to his bathroom and help him out of his pajamas. By the time I get him in the tub of warm water, I’m already sobbing uncontrollably. I don’t want to appear so vulnerable in front of this child. I know he must be traumatized enough but I can’t control my emotions. If he didn’t interrupt us earlier, what would have happened? Ivan would have probably squeezed the life out of me, right? “...What’s wrong, L-Lina?” The little boy asks. “N-Nothing...You just...You saved my life out there, Nico.” Nico stares at me with wide eyes. I’m not sure he understands the gravity of the situation. I scrub him with strawberry scented shower gel and wash his hair in the process. I also put a boat toy in the tub to distract him and it works. He starts playing with it and soon forgets about the previous events. Or at least, he makes sure to shove them to a dark corner in his mind and ignore them. I envy his innocence. I wish I could erase my painful memories too. After his shower, I take him back to the bedroom and dress him up for the day. “You know what?” I say while putting a sweater on him. “I will help you decorate this room to your taste. What do you like? Super heroes? Cars? We can put posters on the walls.” Nico shakes his heads negatively with a pout. “You don’t want to?” “Nuh!” He refuses. “Why?” “I don’t wanna live here. I wanna go back to mummy.” “Oh...Did you stay with your mummy before coming here?” He nods. Hah. I was wondering where these Whitlock children were staying before. “Were your brothers living with you too?” “Nuh. Just me and mummy...But papa says I can’t see her anymore. I have to stay here and b-be a real man. But I don’t wanna.” Nico sobs quietly and I can almost hear my heart break. Poor child...I think I understand what’s happening here. This is common behavior among wealthy men in Colombia. They will make children with as much women a possible with the objective of having different heirs to choose from in the future. Those women will usually receive payment for their “services” and never get to see their children again. I think the same thing happened with Nico. Maybe that is the case for Valentino and Ivan too. The old master Whitlock never got married, I don’t even believe that he has a heart capable of love. His children are similar to manufactured product to him, raised to be driven by money and to crush anyone standing on their way to success. It’s disgusting and truly heartbreaking for these kids who will grow in such an environment. No wonder Ivan has turned out the way he did and now, Nico will be trained to become just like him. I sigh heavily and pat the child’s hair. I end up giving him a hug and he cries in my arms, certainly missing his mother and not understanding why he’s not allowed to see her anymore. “It’s okay, baby...” I whisper to him. “I will make sure that your stay here is as pleasant as possible, okay? We will decorate your room and you will feel a lot better, already.” I wipe his tears away with the back of my hand and Nico nods, making his curls bounce. He is so cute...I hope to never see him become a monster like Ivan. From this moment on, I promise to myself that I will try my best to protect him as much as possible. After taking care of him, I keep up with the house chores to distract myself but it’s pointless. My back is in throbbing pain and I have to use my lunch break to check how bad it is. I go to my bedroom and take my uniform off from the top. Through the closet’s mirror, I turn to examine my back. A gasp passes the barrier of my lips before I can stop it. There is a large bruise on my lower back, thanks to Ivan’s violence. It hurts when I touch it. I stare at it helplessly, not knowing what to do. I think I should get to a hospital, in case there is more damage than what meets the eyes but I don’t think that I would be allowed to go. Master Whitlock made it very clear that I cannot leave this mansion. But this is an emergency situation, isn’t it? I decide to try my luck, maybe there is a tiny heart in that man’s chest. After fixing my uniform, I decide to meet him in his study. I hoped that he’d be alone but when I push the door open, I find that someone is already standing by his desk. My heart sinks when I see that it’s Ivan. I try to leave quickly without being noticed but the old man’s breathy voice rise: “How can I help you, miss Nunez?” I groan and have no other choice but to go in. Ivan turns slightly. His face is blank as he watches me approach. I stand by the desk too but keep a safe distance between the oldest Whitlock son and me. “I wanted to talk to you in private sir but I see that you are busy.” I say. “I can come back later.” “Please, go ahead with your request. As you know, my son is now taking care of all the matters related to the house, therefore you can speak freely in front of him.” I look at Ivan through the corner of my eyes. He remains unmoved. “Fine...I just wanted to ask for permission to go to the hospital, sir. You see, I hurt my lower back and I would prefer if a doctor could have a look at it and make sure that nothing is broken.” Master Whitlock’s eyes glitter strangely behind his squared pair of glasses. “How did you hurt yourself?” I hesitate at his question: “...It was an accident.” I don’t know why I blurted out this horrendous lie. I should have revealed to him what his son did but it’s too late now. I think it’s because of the talk I had earlier with little Nico. I can’t help but think that Ivan is such a cruel monster because of his father’s actions. Somehow, I feel pity for him even though I know I shouldn’t. Pathetic. I always find excuses to justify other people’s mistakes, even when they don’t deserve it... “That’s something you should ask Ivan.” Master Whitlock sighs. “He’s the new master and he decides if you’re worthy enough for a trip outside of these walls.” The old man sneers evilly like the demon he is. Something in his attitude makes me guess that he probably knows what Ivan did but enjoys seeing me in this humiliating position where I have to ask my aggressor for permission to go to the hospital. I refuse to say a word to Ivan. My jaw is clenched tight while I wait for a reaction from him. In the end, he says: “You can’t leave, Catalina. You still have a lot of work to do and I believe that a simple back pain won’t end your life. Give it an hour or two and you will be fine. Now, go finish your chores.” I glare at him with deep loathing. See? Not everyone is worthy of being pitied. Ivan knows that he is the reason why my back hurts but still won’t allow me to go to the hospital. This is not his father’s doing, it’s his own cruelty. He feels my eyes on him but he doesn’t dare to turn and meet them. He knows that he could burn under the intensity of my gaze right now. “Fine.” I don’t say anything more. What’s the point, anyway? I think I’ve gone through enough to know that this family is deprived of a soul. I turn around and leave the study room, my back still hurting. All I can do now is hope that it’s nothing bad and that I will get better by tomorrow.