Chapter 9: Secrets

Mia's POV I could hear my own screaming even through my dreams. Inside of my dreams, I was being plunged into freezing water. Outside of them, I felt my body being shaken awake in the real world. When I was released from the grip sleep had on me, I saw green eyes staring down at me. Worry and fear were dancing in them together. Fear? Did purebloods feel fear? What sort of thing did they feel fearful about? I thought they might be the most powerful creature at night. I felt Sol lift me by my arms. His cold hand on my chest made me realize that he wasn't breathing, and neither was I I took in a deep, shuddering breath and ran my hand through my hair. It was then that I realized a slight sweat had broken out on my forehead. I moved to wipe it away. Sol was still looking at me as if to assess something. "I thought you were being attacked," he said softly. He gently helped push away the hair on my face. I breathed out a humorless laugh. "In some way, I was being attacked." "Did you have a nightmare?" I nodded. "Have you never had any nightmare? Oh, daymare?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. I forgot he didn't sleep at night. "I figured we all at least had that in common." "We all?" Sol asked me. I was avoiding the topic, we both knew it, but I was glad that he was humoring me. "Humans, pure-blooded, half-blooded, I figured we all dreamed at least." I shrugged his hands off from me, not wanting to be touched right now. I still felt the grasping hands emerging in my dreams were too real. Sol's hands froze at my side for a moment before they rested on my legs. I didn't move away from his touch. I watched as his thumb rubbed my leg gently in slow motions as he spoke. "I have to admit that I have had very few daymares until recently." A deep frown settled on my face as I registered his words. A 365- or 366-year-old vampire didn't have dreams. It seemed like a tormented thing. "What was your nightmare about?" he eventually asked. I shook my head as I sighed deeply. I turned my eyes from him to the open window on my right side. The sun was just setting coming up. "Did I interrupt your rest?" I asked as I turned to him and avoided his question. His lips turned downward as his brow creased. I knew he didn't like me to ignore the situation, but I wasn't ready to tell him about that broken part of me just yet. "Well, I don't have to sleep during the day as long as there is no sunshine in my room," he answered. "I was planning to deal with some business things." "What things?" I asked as I pulled his hand up from my leg and held them. "Mia–" He seemed to not want to give up asking about my nightmare, but I interrupted. "Please don't. I can't talk about it." I shook my head at him. "Can't or don't want to?" he challenged softly. "I heard you screaming all the way downstairs in the study." I heard Sol sigh loudly when I didn't respond. His hand turned in mine, so his hand was holding mine. "Tell me if you're alright or not, that's all." I stayed silent for a long moment, watching our intertwined hands together as they moved. I shook my head at him as the answer to his question. "I'm not," I said in a soft whisper. This was something I had already accepted a long time ago. There were more things I had taken from my past than just to safeguard my wrists and throat—harsher things. "But I will be, I just… I just need time," I told him. "How long has it been?" he asked. I knew he was referring to what had happened and how it would cause such violent outbreaks. "When we first met, you asked me what sort of things I had to endure to place those bands on my wrists and neck…" I swallowed the large lump in my throat. "So, can I take it that you wearing those bands is the same reason you have nightmares? " Sol asked me in a hushed voice. I could only nod my head. The once cool night had become hot and suffocating. I reached for his hand and pressed it to my cheek. The coldness of it grounded me. Sol didn't seem to mind as he only pulled me closer. I shut my eyes as he ran his hand through my hair and felt the coldness of it on my scalp. "The mansion is fortified inside and out," Sol said after a short moment of silence. "There isn't crack in the walls or a creak on the floorboards. And I'm living with you. Trust me. You're safe here." I found myself nodding against his hard chest and burying my face further into his neck. I wasn't sure how true that was. I was supposed to be safe in my father's home too, but things happened there that I couldn't even begin to recall. But here, in Sol's arms, I felt safe. I selfishly hugged him closer to me and relished in the protection he provided. "Do you want to try and go back to sleep?" he asked me softly. I shook my head. "I never go back to sleep after dreaming that… I can't. Do you want to?" It didn't go unnoticed by me how lost and small my voice sounded, but I didn't care about that now. I would beg him to stay with me for a moment longer if that's what it took. He didn't refuse me. He only kicked off his shoes as he lifted his feet on the bed next to me. "No," Sol told me, "I want to stay here." My breath hitched when he pulled me from my side of the bed and onto his chest. I didn't protest. I didn't say anything. How could I? After all these long years of being alone and scared, I figured I could steal this moment for myself. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into it. I felt his hand run down my spine slowly and listened as he breathed in and out with me. I knew he was doing it just to calm me down. After all, purebloods didn't need to breathe, and I adored him for it. "Have you ever experienced someone dying for you, Sol?" I asked him. I felt his body go rigid beneath me as he shook his head, "No, I haven't." "I have," I said. "My mother died giving birth to me." I shocked myself when I revealed that information to him. Still, I didn't stop. "The doctors had told her in the early stages of her pregnancy that there would be a low chance of her survival." I sniffled on top of him. "She died before I even knew her. Isn't that so wrong? She died because of an unknown little monster." "She was your mother," Sol told me as he continued to rub my back. "I doubt she knew she would die, but I believe she would never regret giving birth to you." "But she didn't even know me either," I shot back. "She didn't know who I was or… or what sort of person I would become—what sort of things I would do after I grew up." Sol said nothing for a while. I knew he was considering my words carefully. Still, I continued, "My father is a pureblood and everything that entails. Holding a high position in the hierarchy, mysteries, and secrets, even from his daughter." "He is that one, is he?" Sol asked me, and I nodded. "Can you tell me about them?" I shook my head, and he let it go. "Maybe I will, one day, but not tonight. I promise," I told him. I felt him kiss the top of my head as he whispered, "Take your time. I'm always waiting for you." ###