Chapter 16 : I Still Want You

Theodora's POV Something about spacewalking always made me hungry. My brother, too. Maybe it was the heavy equipment or maybe the zero gravity, but I was starving. Quietly, I started to make myself a snack. Most of the ship had turned in for our trek to a refuel station. I didn't want to wake anyone up by clomping around the kitchen. I was too wired to sleep though. Anxious. Feeling close to the completion of this mission, but still too far. It felt like Sol was snatched right out of my fingers. It irritated me. But there wasn't much I could do about it. Besides, I needed some brain fuel while I thought of the next steps. Once we came back on board, Daxton ate his way through all of our leftovers. Javier went to his chamber to update Cyrus on his daughter. And I reported the unmanned vessel anonymously to the authorities. I knew reporting it was the best course of action for it. An unmanned vessel was primarily for safety reasons. They were big targets for bandits. They'd use it as bait to attract any do-gooder and rob them blind, probably kill them, too. It would be unresponsible not to report it. Besides, we were already long gone before the cops showed up. To think the Lunar Ravagers got to Sol before me. Ugh. I'd have to talk to Mads about that when I saw him. See if he had any insider information on where I'd find them. After all, he was born and raised with them, only left when he came aboard Peacemaker. The Lunar Ravager's most prolific band of space pirates, famously known for being all werewolves. I slathered the bread in a tangy sauce before laying out some meat and cheese. Was it real meat and cheese? Who knew? But humankind had gotten so good at duplicating everything in a lab, it didn't really matter. Still tasted good. But maybe if I compared the cheese with cheese from my dad's farm, maybe I'd be able to tell a difference. I still remembered the last time I talked to my dad. A screaming match over my mom's pot roast. Couldn't find it too hungry after I noticed how Daxton withdrew, scared to get between my dad and me. Instead, he would usually just comfort my mom. I missed my mom, but I didn't want to deal with my dad again. So high and mighty. Military man blaming me for scorning our family with my rebellion. He didn't care about my reasons. Fucking brainwashed. I sighed, turning against the countertop and leaning back to take a big bite of my sandwich. And standing there, in the dark threshold of my hallway was fucking Mads. I nearly choked on my bite. For someone so tall, you'd think he'd make noise when he walked around the ship, but no, he was practically silent. To be fair, I was usually asleep by now. His insomniac ass probably always wandered around the ship in the dark. He'd only sleep when he collapsed from sheer exhaustion. One time, it happened on top of me. That was fun. Trying to push a full-grown six-foot-five naked werewolf off me. But hey, in his defense, he was really giving it his all. And I was quite smug that I made him come so hard he passed out. But when he made me feel about as stable as jelly, rolling him off me was really fucking difficult. "Making yourself a snack?" he asked, that charming smile sweeping across his face as he stepped into the backup lights that illuminated the inside of the ship lightly, enough to simulate moonlight and keep us on a reasonable schedule. "Uh-huh," I mumbled around my mouthful. "Want one or are you just going to continue standing in the dark like a weirdo?" He chuckled. "I was on my way to the bridge. Didn't expect you to be up." I swallowed with a shrug. "Couldn't sleep." "Too wired?" Mads asked, coming into the kitchen. He stepped next to me, opening a cupboard to get a silicone cup. Glass was for land. Silicone for the air. I tilted my head to the side and smiled. "Yeah. Can't shut my brain up. You know how it is." He filled his cup with water from our reserve, leaning back against the opposite countertop. "Oh, yeah. Definitely." "Oh!" I realized that we had time to talk about the ravagers. "I've been meaning to ask you something since I got back from the spacewalk." Mads tilted his cup toward me, gesturing for me to continue before he tilted the cup back, taking thick gulps, distracting me as little water droplets slipped down a tattoo on his neck. "Uh. Right. The helm was missing," I started. "Also there didn't appear to be any casualties but the pilot. It was stripped clean, right to the scrap." "That sounds like my old ship," Mads agreed. "And you think they took the Sun Princess? Not really their style." I knew they weren't known for taking prisoners, but they also weren't the sort of people to leave a trail of bodies either. "There's gotta be something I can use." I paused. "At the very least they were there. I have to know if they saw anything." Mads placed the cup down on the counter, crossing his arms over his lean physique. Unlike usual, he wasn't coated in a thin layer of oil. In fact, now that I could see him a little better, I noticed the droplets still in his dark hair as if he had recently gotten out of the shower. The natural woodsy scent of his skin lingered around my nose, more potent without the musky smell of the engine room. Frankly, it didn't matter if he was filthy or not. I'd still want to climb him like a tree. "Well, you don't just go out looking for the Lunar Ravagers. They find you," he said. I brought my lower lip between my teeth, chewing on it for a moment. "Do you have any way to contact them for a meeting? For me?" Mads bent at the waist, stroking one of his fingers under my chin. His silver eyes glinted, something shimmering in their smoky depths. "Anything for you." My entire body fired to life. My heart hammered loudly in my chest, heat flushing my face. Why did he have to say shit like that? Make my belly feel all fuzzy? He hummed deep in his chest, gunmetal eyes sending electrical shocks down my skin. They flickered down to my mouth and I instinctively licked my lips. My heart kicked up, beating a tattoo against my ribs. When he spoke again, his voice was low, barely a whisper. "I'll do what I can, but I can't guarantee they will respond to me. But the Lunar Ravagers typically stay close to Aelous. But you won't be able to land without clearance. The storms would wreck Peacemaker." "Right," I muttered, my sandwich forgotten in my hand. "Thank you." My mouth felt dry as Mads's mouth enticed me. I still had feelings for him. I thought Javier had helped me get over him, but I was just as hung up as ever. He felt like a warm blanket. Familiar and cozy. Enough to make me want to roll myself into his hands. Remind me how hot they felt against my skin. Guilt reared its heavy head inside of me. What was I doing? Stringing along two men. It felt selfish, but I couldn't seem to help myself. Heat flushed down my body, tingles flooding the place between my legs. I wanted to kiss him. Warmth mottled my cheeks, desire breathing against the back of my neck. Mads was just a few inches from me, gazing into me so deeply, I felt like he could see right through the cracks in my facade. He could see right through my lies when I told him I didn't have feelings for him anymore. "Anytime," he replied, his breath blowing across my lips. I felt it again. The pull to claim his mouth. Pour all my want into the kiss. But all I'd do is confuse our friendship even more. And then the thing I have with Javier…but it wasn't like I was being held down. I could kiss Mads if I wanted to. But I knew I shouldn't. I pulled back, setting my sandwich back onto the plate. I turned my back to him, ignoring the sparks firing between us, tethering us together like a vise. I had to back away before I pulled him flush against me and reveled in the sensation of his mouth on mine. It wasn't fair, but I couldn't keep leading him on. I'd only end up hurting him. With Javier, at least I knew it'd be over once I found Sol and brought her back home, but Mads would still be on the Peacemaker. It wouldn't be as easy of getting out of a rover and closing the door behind me. "I should probably get back to—" "You irritate me, Theo," Mads said suddenly. I whirled back around, expecting him to just turn around and leave as if he couldn't care less. But the way he was looking at me. The passion in his eyes licked around the irises like silver flames. "I don't know what you're talking about," I replied. In the blink of an eye, he reached out, grabbing the neckline of my loose-fitting tank top, and yanking me forward until I just about stumbled into his chest. I released a little squeak of surprise. Excitement caressed my skin, pebbling the hairs on my arms. Tightening my nipples beneath my shirt. "Clearly, I can't wait for you to come to me," he murmured, voice low and serious. Commanding a presence. A shiver went down my spine, the authority he only let out in the bedroom made my knees wobble. He lowered his head, looking down at me, reminding me just how intimidating he could be. Most of the time, he was an indifferent man, unbothered by most of everything, but when he wanted, he could make me bend and curl against him. It excited me. I gulped thickly. "What are you talking about?" I asked, pretending I didn't like the way he made me feel. "You couldn't see it if I laid it out in front of you, Theodora," he said, my full name eliciting more helpless sparks of pleasure. "How many ways can I spell out to you that I still want you? I never stopped wanting you, you stubborn woman." My back arched against him, looking up at him through hooded eyes. He let it be when I broke things off and gave me space. No indication he still wanted me. It should have been obvious, but I was distracted by how badly I fought my longing for him. I didn't want to talk anymore. Didn't want to think about it anymore. I just wanted to react. His calloused hands cupped my face and he leaned down to kiss me. I reciprocated, getting up on my toes and kissing him back. My entire body fucking sang. Floodgates had opened, pouring lust right into me. One of his hands found the back of my neck, tilting my head up so he could have more access to my mouth. I felt him, my eyelids fluttering shut. His other hand found my waist, shoving me backward against the counter. Caging me between the counter and his body. Kissing Mads felt like a cage fight. Battling for domination. Javier would have given it up to me, but Mads…Mads fought me for it. I moaned against his mouth, pressing my hands flat against his chest, loving the familiar way his body felt. I could feel his body reacting to me. Hardening against my belly. He wasn't lying about wanting me. I hopped up on the counter, pushing my plate out of the way, and wrapping my legs around his waist. I gave him a lusty roll of my hips, bumping and grinding. Making out messily without a care as to who was going to walk in. I could feel his extended canines rubbing raw circles against my lips but I didn't care. Mads ground his body into me. Basically fucking with our clothes on. And it felt so fucking good. I was so close to asking him to take me down to his bed. My core weeping for attention. And I knew I'd be in for a marathon. Maybe then I'd be sated at least for a few days. So turned on, I couldn't think. All I could do was whine and pump my hips against him, silently urging him to fuck me right here. I knew I was a needy lover. But Mads was demanding. He pulled back, his lips bitten and red. Pupils wide and blown out with lust. He stared into my eyes, panting hard against my mouth. Then suddenly he straightened up, pulling me off the counter onto shaky legs. He put a few feet of distance between us. It took a few moments to catch my breath but before I could complain, I heard a throat clearing from the doorway. Oh, that's right…super senses. I glanced at the intrusion, trying to catch my head from reeling off my body. Lust humming in my bones. Oh, fuck. It was Javier. How much did he see? "Am I interrupting something?" he asked, glancing between Mads and me. Mads put up that air of indifference. "Not at all. Just talking about the Ravagers." "And what would you know about that?" Javier asked, quirking a skeptical brow as he entered the kitchen. Javier's presence with the combination of Mads did something to me. Especially when I felt so fired up. For a split second, I wondered what it would be like to have both of them. I gulped hard, ignoring my incredibly slutty thoughts, and replied, "Mads used to run with the Lunar Ravagers." Javier made a brief expression of surprise before turning his golden eyes on me. "Oh. Well, I was just wondering if you had any updates for me." With a throaty noise, Mads said, "And on that note, I'll leave you two to talk." There was innuendo in how he said it, but at the same time completely unbothered even though I have been physical with Javier…numerous times now. "Yeah, you probably should leave," Javier agreed, tone clipped. Mads then reached over my shoulder to my forgotten sandwich and made direct eye contact with me as he took a bite before leaving Javier and me alone in the kitchen.