Chapter 9: Frustrated

"He's here, July!" I say, shoving the last of Ash's clothes and mine into a huge traveling bag. I have no idea where I'm taking us next, but I suppose I'll figure it out soon. "Who's where?" July chirps around a full mouth. "Ryan!" "No shit. Tell me you're joking, Amby," she says and when I don't reply, she starts laughing. "This isn't funny. I need—" The doorbell suddenly rings and I cuss underneath my breath as Ash runs past my room to get the door. We don't get many visitors. There's only July and Mrs Harper, our neighbor, who drops by on her way back from work every day to give Ash chocolates. "Give me a minute," I say to July, dropping the phone from my ear. "Stop running, Ash! You'll fall!" I yell, following after him. He giggles, disregarding my instruction and I sigh sharply, thinking about how I'm going to tell Mrs. Harper that we are moving. However, when Ash opens the door, it isn't my neighbor standing outside. It is Ryan, and he looks mad as hell as he says, "Why the hell do you keep running from me, Amber?" **** *Ryan* I can't recall the last time I was this angry. I came out five minutes later, after rushing what was supposed to be an hour's worth of speech, to find that she was gone. Again. I had been unable to comprehend it. I stood in the parking lot of the spa, lost in despair. I broke down like I hadn't in a damn long time. Mary had taken one look at me and the direction in which I had been staring, and she had handed me Amber's address. I know she's married. I know she has a child with...with another man, but staring at her right now, she's still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Her red hair is longer than I remember it, and her eyes still captivate me. She is in the same clothes she had on earlier—a soft pink dress that hugs her frame in a way that's both sexy and professional. I want to touch her again, smell her hair, kiss her neck. I can't get these thoughts out of my head. The child, Ash, walks forward suddenly and his eyes are wide as he reaches for me. Instinctively, I reach for him too, and his fingers curl around my thumb. He smiles at me and something in my gut tightens. "Come here, Ash," Amber says, lunging forward to take the boy from me. Her eyes flare with emotions I can't read. "What are you doing here?" she demands, but I can't take my eyes from...Ash. From his eyes. They are my eyes. He turns slightly, grabbing a lock of Amber's hair, toying with it, and it's the small nuances that make me doubt Amber's claim. His hair is dark, like mine. His lips... they're Amber's but the tilt to it as he smiles...it isn't much different from mine. My gaze lifts to Amber's again and there is fear in her eyes now. "Is he mine?" She blinks twice, dropping her gaze from mine. "No. I already told you that." I let myself really look around her home. Specifically at the pictures on the wall. Photos of herself and her son— his first birthday, an candid shot in a park where she is holding him, the child crawling, his second birthday, another female lifting him up in the air. The last one is a picture of his third birthday. There is no man in any of those photos, and more importantly, Ash is three years old. "Where is your husband?" I ask, stepping inside. She takes a step back, and I don't miss the trembling of her fingers. "I didn't invite you in. Please leave." I don't stop walking forward. Fury, anger, frustration, pain overwhelm me, driving me further until I am but a few steps away from her, staring deeply into those green eyes. "Did you lie to me?" She swallows. "Leave my home, Ryan. You are not welcome here." Something tightens in my chest at her efforts of evading the question. She is keeping something from me. "Tell me if—" "I said leave!" she suddenly screams and I jerk at the desperation in her voice. Startled by his mother's sudden agitation, the boy begins to cry, but Amber pays him no attention. "It's been three years, Ryan. Three years. You do NOT walk into my home and my life to question me or my decisions over a one night stand that meant nothing to me. Ash is my child. He isn't yours." Breathing hard, she adds, "I would appreciate it if you got the hell out of my apartment right now." I grab her arm, ignoring the zap I feel from touching her skin again. "It meant nothing to you? That night meant nothing to you?" She yanks her arm from her grip and pat's her son's back. "It meant nothing to me." I take a step away from her. Then another, until I am by the door again. "I'm sorry," I say, even if I don't believe a single word she just said. "I'm sorry I asked that. I thought... I wanted him to be mine." Her eyes widen a fraction at my choice of words and in them, I spy the emotions is she trying so hard to hide from me. Fear. Longing. "It's alright," she says. "Can...can I see you again?" I ask, despite myself, and her silent contemplation tells me she still feels it too. The tug. The attraction. "I can't." Nodding, I let my head drop low and I press a kiss to her cheek, breathing in her scent that is of flowers and cookies. "Bye, Amber." She goes rigid against me, and I withdraw, walking out of her apartment without another word. I will be back. I'm not letting her out of my sight again. Not Ash too. If there is any chance he is mine... I've never been this sure about anything. I will do everything I can to keep them in my life.