Chapter 11: Coffee Date

The warm scent of coffee hits me as I push back the doors. I scan the small, cozy building and I spy Ryan’s dark head at the far end of the wall. Sucking in a deep breath and steeling my spine, I tuck my hair behind my ear and start towards him. It is the first time in three years that I have taken extra care of my appearance. My hair is straightened and hell, I have no idea why I went the extra mile to wear a dress and get my makeup done. So much for not wanting to be here in the first place. I cross the distance in no time and when Ryan raises his gaze to mine, the world around us seems to vanish. The knots that have been forming in my belly the entire evening in anticipation for this meeting loosen up, and my hands start to shake instead. I had planned and practiced several entry lines, but looking at him now, I am at a loss for words. Nothing in my brain. He rises from the chair and his gaze sweeps over me, a delicious spark of lust and an emotion I can’t read lighting him up. A shiver licks my spine and I stifle a shudder as his fingers brush against my wrist. He raises my hand and kisses my pulse point so slowly, I think I might just die from that single touch. “You look stunning, Red.” My heart is racing and my head is spinning like I am drunk, even if I haven’t touched alcohol since the night we spent together. How can he make me feel so many things at once? I can’t even decipher my emotions anymore. I just need and crave that which I shouldn’t. I yank my hand from his grasp, forcing a scowl on my face. “Don’t call me that.” Sauntering forward to sit, Ryan moves faster and pulls out the chair for me. I have no doubt that my cheeks are burning with a deep blush. I sit, mumbling a quiet “Thank you.” Christ. I feel like a teenager again. A waitress suddenly appears by my side and I squint up at the blonde with a resting smiling face as she says, “What would you like today?” I don’t reply. She is speaking to Ryan. That wouldn’t be a problem at all if she hadn’t just acted like I didn’t exist. I look out the window, watching the cars drive past and acting like I couldn’t care less about what he is telling her, even if I am listening intently to the pleasant rise and fall of his voice. “She will have a double shot soy latte,” Ryan says, and I don’t ask him how he know the way I like my coffee. “What size?” “Large,” we say in unison, and I meet his gaze, arching a brow at him. How the hell does he even know that? He gives me a knowing smile before turning back to the waitress. “I’ll have mine black.” “Well, I’m here now,” I say, looking at my phone and checking for messages from Mrs. Harper. I left Ash with her since she’s the only other adult he is comfortable with, and I trust her. “Loosen up, Amber. I didn’t call you out here to fight with you. We haven’t seen each other in a while and I just want to talk,” he says softly. I eye him skeptically. Why is he being nice? Is this a new strategy to get me to let my guard down and tell him everything? “We do not have anything to talk about, Ryan.” “Who is Ash’s father?” Another painful squeeze in my gut and I am pushing the chair back and rising to my feet. “If you called me here to talk about that, I refuse to remain here. I already told you. I have—“ “You and I both know you’re lying. I know your tells. That too and the fact that your neighbors were nice enough to tell me you already had Ash before you moved to Vermont.” I swallow and close my eyes, settling back into my chair. This isn’t good. I don’t know what to say. I have run out of lies to tell. “That doesn’t mean anything. So I had Ash before I came here. That doesn’t make him yours. We spent a night together and you think I didn’t have a life before or after then?” “He looks. . .he has my eyes,” Ryan counters, eyes filled with raw emotion and it starts to get difficult to breathe. I hate this. I hate myself. “He has blue eyes. A lot of people have those.” “Amber.” “What?” I snap, finally meeting his gaze. He looks at me intently and says, “Look me in the eye and lie one more time that Ash isn’t my son.” I hold his piercing glance, lips pulling into a grim line. I start to speak but I find that I can’t form the lie again. Not when he is looking at me that way. I cannot explain what I feel. He has completely stripped me bare before him and it dawns on me that Ryan isn’t asking me because he thinks Ash is his son. He knows Ash is his son. “Why do you ask if you already know the answer to the question?” Ryan leans back in his chair, devastation and a sudden weariness etched on his stunning face. “Why didn’t you tell me?!” I wince at the sudden rise in his tone. “I didn’t have much of a choice!” He leans in, anger darkening his depths. “I looked for you everywhere. I wanted to see you again. I left messages on TV shows, on the magazines. My brother called me crazy for searching for a woman I had only met once like some maniac. My family disapproved of my constant search for you. But I did it anyway.” He pauses and runs his fingers through his hair. “Did you look for me, Amber? Did you even give me a chance before running from me?” My lips quiver and I blink back the tears that threaten to fall from my eyes. “You have no idea what it’s been like for me.“ “Bloody hell, Amber. This isn’t about you! Do you not realize what you have done? You would have let Ash grow up without a father. Had I not come to Vermont, I would have lived for the rest of my life without knowing I had a son! How could you be so selfish?” I bite on my lower lip and clench my fist hard to rein in my tears, but they fall anyway. “I didn’t have a choice,” I say again. Ryan’s eyes shutter and he straightens from his seat. He looks lost and hurt. I feel like shit. “I can’t. . .I can’t look at you right now,” he says. He pulls out a few bills from his pocket and dumps them beside the flower vase on the table. “For the coffee,” he adds before walking away from me.