Chapter 15: Realizing You Care

Evie Stanton "What did those carrots do to you?" Bells asked, eyebrows high in her hairline at the hack job in front of me. I paused my chopping, looking down at the mangled carrots on my cutting board, all different sizes. Thane got under my skin earlier, and the produce was taking the brunt of my frustration. "Sorry." Bells opened the oven, checking on the roast chicken and all the browning potatoes and squash surrounding it. Coated with butter, salt, and sprigs of rosemary decorating the top, it smelled absolutely delicious. And I ruined it by destroying the carrots meant for the side dish. "It's okay," she insisted, nudging me over with her hip to take over. When Thane dropped me off earlier, the cabana didn't look like much. But on the inside, it was brightly lit. Light and airy with fabric hanging from open windows. A pleasant breeze accompanied by the scent of ocean air. It felt humble but homey. Large on the inside with at least three rooms off of the main living area. Two young boys played outside with Penny the pig while Desmond eventually got to the door. Both him and Bells were disheveled, grinning like love-struck fools. I wanted to know what it felt like to be a love-struck fool. Happy no matter the place because the people mattered more than the place. I didn't say a word to Thane on the way over, walking through sand and gravel pathways. I didn't even take the time to appreciate the structure of the archway above a community garden. Or the buckets of fish grilling over coals near the pier. The liveliness of his crew, happy to be home. I couldn't focus on anything except Thane having someone. My stomach wound up with all these knots. Making me feel unsettled. Of course, he had someone. Why wouldn't he? But the biggest question remained why it bothered me so much. He had a literal goddess waiting for him back home. The breathtaking tall blonde looked like she could fight anyone and win. Like she knew how to use a cutlass. A pistol. I bet she could strike fear into the hearts of lowly men. I bet she could cut carrots. Not me. Samara looked like a shield maiden who fought Vikings. I didn't. I was just some little girl, sheltered her whole life. Men looked at me and laughed, no matter what I said. A small, helpless girl, not a strong, confident woman. From what I learned about the illusive Captain, Thane wanted a woman he could grapple with. Physically as well as mentally. Someone experienced. Maybe if I wasn't a virgin, I wouldn't have hidden in the furs when he came back to bed. Maybe I'd be confident enough to tell him I wanted him and ask if he wanted me too. Doubt it. The only men who wanted me were men who wanted to control me. Take advantage of me. Case and point were those scoundrels in the alley. My old-as-dirt fiance. I doubt my inexperience could set anyone on fire the way Thane set me alight. How I didn't stop wanting him after the sun came up. Even when he put me to work. As humiliating as it felt, for once, it felt like I had worth beyond my appearance. Of course, a man like him was taken. My jaw clenched even harder, and I winced, not realizing I was already grinding my teeth. Bells placed the tray of seasoned vegetables into the oven alongside the chicken. She closed the oven, taking a moment to wipe her hands on the hand towel. I watched her glance through the kitchen pass-through to Desmond, happily tossing a five-year-old boy into the air while the older brother chatted on and on about what his father missed. Desmond listened animatedly, thoroughly invested in the conversation. Bells watched adoringly, not interrupting, but enjoyed the scene playing out in front of her. She made the love she felt for Desmond clear like it was easy. Came naturally to them. Jealously settled in my gut. My feelings didn't matter. I'd be home soon enough. "Should be ready in about half an hour," Bells mused out loud. "It smells lovely," I replied, tucking some stray hair behind my ear. My heart squeezed in my chest, the onslaught of envy abnormal to me. Bells leaned on the countertop, facing me. "How did you end up on the Sea Serpent?" "Kidnapped," Desmond answered for me, the younger of the two boys draped over his shoulder. The child giggled as Des swooped his arm around, tossing him up and catching him again. Bells hummed but didn't ask anything else. Desmond noticed my aloofness, wriggling my thumbs. "What's on your mind, Evie?" "Nothing." "Mhmm. Nothing. Right. Thane's not here. You don't have to hold your tongue," Desmond said, setting his son down, only to have the boy hug his leg. He leaned down, kissed the child's head, and gently ordered, "William, go get your brother Roger and wash up for dinner, okay?" "Okay, daddy!" William agreed, sprinting off into the house. Desmond turned back around. "Okay. Out with it, Eves." My cheeks flushed. "I just didn't know that your Captain was married. That's all." "He's not," Bells retorted. I averted my eyes. "Oh." The woman rolled her eyes. "Evelyn," she stated firmly. "The dating pool on this island isn't very large. Most of the men here are spoken for. Thane doesn't get out enough to have a wife." So he slept around. Good to know. Somehow the idea of him sleeping around bothered me even more. But why did it bother me? I hated him for taking me away from home. I hated the way he could give me goosebumps with just a look. I hated how his hands looked like they could satisfy me in ways I could never. And now I've tumbled down the rabbit hole of the memory of the other night. Him braced against the wall, stroking himself. The sight so unbelievably erotic, it made my knees tremble. I felt so out of control of my own body, I took matters into my own hands. I wondered if he wanted to do it for me. But why would he display himself to me if he had someone waiting for him? Was I the other woman? Was I a mistress? So Samara wasn't his wife. Clearly, still important to him. Wife or not. Important enough to immediately jump into bed with her. I felt so dirty. Desmond suddenly laughed. "Thane doesn't even get out enough to get his cock wet." "Desmond!" Bells chastised. "We have a lady here." "Oh, Evie has said worse," he continued. "She told me to fuck myself when we first met." "Actually, the exact words were 'Fuck you,'" I corrected cheekily. Desmond gestured to me with a grin. "Told you." Bells relented. "Fine. Tell her all about how your best friend doesn't make it a habit to get his cock wet. Frankly, I don't know why you think about his cock at all." Her husband waggled his eyebrows, wrapping his arm around her waist to kiss her neck. "Oh, baby, you know Thane would always be my first choice if I favored men. Luckily for you, you've locked me down with your fantastic body." He pressed another kiss into her neck, trailing sloppily down her shoulder. "Whatever," she rolled her eyes again, playfully pushing Desmond away. "Thane has a…" She glanced at Desmond as if looking for the proper word. "...difficult past. He's recognizable if he's in the wrong place at the wrong time and doesn't make a habit of sleeping around. He thinks that'll put everyone at risk. He takes his job seriously." "The man needs to loosen up a little," Desmond mused. "You remember Ramona," Bells said pointedly. Desmond's eyes widened in realization. "Oh, I remember Ramona. The last time he thought with his dick." He paused. "Yeah. It's better this way. Ramona nearly made it out with our hoard." "Hoard? Don't you mean treasure?" I wondered. Hoard? What an odd word to describe a treasure chest. Desmond cleared his throat. "Yeah, Dragons have hoards. People have treasure." I dismissed the conversation, more concerned with something else. "What about Samara?" I asked suddenly. "Sam?" Desmond repeated as if he didn't think he heard me right. Bells looked at Desmond for a few moments before breaking into laughter. "Oh, Sam? That's good. Real good." "What's so funny?" I frowned, unsure why my remark seemed so hilarious. My heart squeezed hard, tightness making it hard to breathe. Squirming coils of suffocating jealousy writhing beneath my skin. I kept telling myself I didn't care, but my body begged to differ every time. I cared. And I hated it. "Well, there are two problems with your assumption. One: Sam is engaged. Two: she's gay," Bells filled me in between fits of laughter. My stunned silence held enough. The tightness in my chest loosened just a little. Then it struck me like an epiphany Thane tried to get a rise out of me. And he succeeded. "Do you want to tell her the best part?" Bells giggled. "Sam is gay for my sister," Desmond continued. "She and Thane had a thing for a while until he introduced her to Rio. Yeah, Sam and Thane didn't last much longer after." "Quite cute, too, if you ask me. Rio pined after Samara even when she was hanging off Thane's arm. They're finally getting married this year," Bells said. "Thane is going to be the best man." "Always the romantic," Desmond mused out loud, kissing Bells on the nose. Her eyelids fluttered for a moment, round cheeks pinking ever so slightly. Then she gasped, standing upright. "The chicken! Should be ready." Desmond watched her turn around, unabashedly watching his wife like the sight of her soothed his eyes. Like every moment looking at her soothed him like a drink of cold water on a hot day. Their adoration for one another clear as day. Nothing short of tooth-achingly sweet. He glanced over at me. "Didn't Thane tell you?" "It was probably none of my business," I answered bashfully, my cheeks reddening. Bells opened the oven again, using a mitt to pull out the roast, beautifully golden. "One-Eye can make magic with potatoes and bone broth, but you need to try my roast chicken. It'll put him to shame!" "I've missed your cooking. And chicken? You know how to spoil me," Desmond teased. "Spoil you enough, and you won't leave again?" she fired back. She paused, a sigh leaving her chest. "Bells…" "I know," she interjected, waving one hand. "Nevermind." She sniffed once, retrieving the mangle carrots from the oven next. Desmond gazed at her for a long moment as if considering what to say. Her visible sadness pained him. Then he turned to me. "Come help me set the table, Evie. Rio and Katarina will be here for dinner too." I nodded wordlessly, following him to the dining table with plates and he had silverware. "Is she okay?" Desmond didn't answer right away. "This lifestyle isn't for everyone. It's hard. I'm on the ocean for weeks at a time, away from my wife and boys." "Then why do you do it?" I asked, handing Desmond silverware to set the places. "There is a sort of freedom being on the open sea you will never get anywhere else. I love the water. And Bells would never make me choose between my two loves," Desmond replied, his dark eyes somewhat hooded. "Well, and Thane would likely sink the ship without my guidance," he continued, flashing me a smile without it reaching his eyes. The front door opened, and Rio shouted, "Hey! Where are my favorite nephews?" The two boys barreled through the house, tackling Rio as soon as she walked in. Rio withdrew. "Why are your hands wet?" "I wash up for dinny!" William said. "Well, then I guess that's alright," Rio teased, affectionately kissing the boys on the head. The older of the two cleared his throat, Roger, trying to appear more mature. "Aunty, how were your travels?" Katarina walked in behind her. "We will tell you all about it over dinner." Bells embraced Katarina and kissed her on the cheek. "Good to have you back." "Dinner smells wonderful, darling," Katarina replied, her voice soft like a mother soothing a baby. My mother never talked to me with softness in her voice. Always sharp and demanding. I would do anything to have her talk to me like I was her daughter, not a project. "Let me help you," Katarina said, following Bells to the kitchen and coming back with dinner. I sat at the center of the table while Bells placed the roast chicken in the center. The young boys took a seat on either side of me. Desmond sat across from me, Bells sitting next to him. He took her hand and kissed it once as if to say he was sorry. She pressed her palm into his chin as a gesture of forgiveness. Wordless communication. I had never seen affection like that in person before. Katarina served, and as soon as dinner hit our plates, the entire room erupted in a cacophony of laughter and comfortable chatter. I had never enjoyed a dinner like this. Indulging in cheery conversation, passing side dishes and rolling back and forth like a family gathering. Shoulder to shoulder with people happy to talk to me and listen to what I had to say. I didn't know these people too well, but already, I felt seen. Dinners at the castle were always at these extravagantly long tables. Only my mother, father, and I sat at them. If there were more people, there was a reason for it. Silent. I remember the silence the most. Servants stood behind us as my father indulged in a roast pig. Only the noise of silverware. The only time we were together as a family, and it felt sterile. Uncomfortable. Both of Desmond's boys talked my ear off the entire dinner and I couldn't complain. Soft voices and childlike questions felt refreshing. A distraction from how I felt inside. But, as charming as the two boys were, my mind couldn't help but wander. How Bells made the chicken so succulent. What Katarina thought about her son's lack of relationships. What Thane was doing. Why did I care so damn much? One question kept playing on repeat in my head. Why did Thane want to get a rise out of me at all?