Chapter 4 4: Anger Venting

He would say that they both were relieved when the cars had no space left and after they had buried the body of her father, she had no other way to get her to Maiduguri but through their car. That was easier, because that way, he would know the refugee camp she had been taken to. She was still kneeling in front of the grave of her father as she made no sound, nor were there tears now rolling down to her cheeks, it seemed as though she had finally gotten tired of crying or she simply was in denial of all that was happening to her. "Let s go," he spoke and waited. His other soldiers were already in the vehicle and they were waiting for them. It seemed to him that she didn't hear him, but it was dark now, and there were no other voices around for him to say that she was carried away by a different sound. Na im crouched down to her level and watched the way she was softly fondling the sand that now covered the face of her father and it would be that way, forever. She might not be able to come back here to pray for him ever again, and he wondered how terrified he would be if it were his father laying beneath the surface of earth. How he was certain the reality of everything would crush not just his heart, but his entire being. "Look here," he called out, and the voice he had used on her left no room for her to act nonchalant to what he was saying. She looked up at him, her eyes mixed with the sheer agony she felt deep within her heart that he knew, she might not be able to describe what she was feeling ever in her life. He looked away from her eyes, somehow, he felt unnerved by those two universes that stared back at him with nothing but pain and innocence. "You have to get up so we can leave. Do you want the insurgents to come back here and kill us all?" He didn't know how else to speak to a girl like her. He had had nephews and nieces and the voice he used in speaking with them was the same he used in speaking to her. Even though Na im knew clearly his voice didn t sound as soft or comforting as she might want it to, at the moment. She turned around the vast, yet empty field that had now being trademarked with death and bloodshed before she turned her eyes back to the grave and mournfully, she spoke. "May Allah have mercy on your soul, Baaba. I pray you get united with Mama in Jannah." He was the one that asked her to pray for her mother this way since the day she died, and Maryam couldn t believe that she was praying for him today, too. She stood up and with one last glance at the grave, and walked to where she saw the car. He followed behind her as she walked. This time, she didn t care whether he was going to kill her or take her away like he had done to Intisar. She just wanted to get herself together so she would be able to ask him to take her to wherever he took her sister. He might as well have them locked together in the same cell or something. Three pairs of eyes stared back at her and she wanted to recoil back to the fetus she once was. They were total strangers to her, he was too-but at least for him, Baaba had said that he was her husband and even though she knew he was a dangerous one, Baaba had entrusted her to him and it seemed a bit comforting. But these men were holding guns that terrified her and they were staring right into her eyes. She knew that look. It was the look everyone in Magumeri flashed her whenever they saw the colors of her eyes. It was the look that came first before the touch to see if she was really human. She took a step back before they made the attempt to touch her, frantically and she thought, if there was a way to escape from these men. Then she thought, the earlier she died the better it would be for her. And she might as well be buried beside Baaba and if she was lucky enough, she would be united with her parents in Jannah too. She turned back and set to ran off when strong arms kept her in place and forcefully turned her towards the direction of the vehicle. She wriggled out of his touch with all the strength she had left in her, as darkness loomed over her eyes and she wondered where she would head to even if she was successful in running away. She might as well bump into the real insurgents that raided and killed her father. "Stay still." His cold voice hit her ears and despite her heart palpitating and her breath threatening to stop, she was still trying to get out of his hold. Who told him that he could touch her whenever he wanted? Didn t he know that even Intisar had to tell her beforehand whenever she had to touch her? And she could count the times Baaba had touched her in her life? She yanked her body away from his hold and he turned angrily at her when she shook her head and took a few steps away from him, her body trembling with fear. "You can t touch me!" She managed the words out with aplomb and he stared at her with an angered expression as though she had slapped the words all over his face. "I'll lose my breath and faint, if you do." Intisar had taught her that if she wanted to be understood by people and for her feelings to be respected by them, she had to at least open her mouth to speak. And Maryam for once, tried speaking to someone apart from her father and sister. It seemed her next sentence had calmed whatever raging storm he had in his body and he relaxed a bit before he looked up at the three soldiers that stared at them with only god knew what was going on in their minds. "Let s get into the vehicle and leave now. We shouldn t arrive there late." They echoed a 'Yes, Sir! Before Faruk got into the driver s seat, Jafar beside him on the passengers seat and they stared at each other with Hafiz. "I'll sit at the back of the van, get inside with her." Hafiz offered and went to the back of the car. Na im nodded his head and turned his attention back to her, she was shivering in fear and cold and whatever terrible feelings that were going on in her body before he decided to speak, "Get into the car," he said and opened the door for her. She didn t hesitate when she got inside and sat down, awaiting the worse for her life. Na im got into the car through the other door and they were driving out of the village in a few minutes. The car was silent, with nothing heard but the sound their tyres made when they drove fast upon the gravels of the road. Slightly, he turned to her and saw that she had her eyes closed as she leaned on the seat while she thought of only god knew what, and he turned to the window as he stared at nothing but pitch blackness and appreciated the way the moon had glowed down softly on the earth and the trees became visible to his eyes. He thought of his life. How nearly perfect it had seemed that the only thing he was complaining about this morning was not being able to get the sleep he thought he deserved. Funny how there seemed to be something bigger waiting for him. Something he had never imagined and was certain, no one would ever have imagined for him. What was he thinking when he accepted the marriage? He thought and closed his eyes. Maybe if he wasn t seeing the road, he would be able to think clearly. If Abba heard what had happened, he might not believe it at first but when he saw that it actually was true, Na im couldn t even imagine what he would do to him. He had had him engaged to women he didn't care to keep count of, and each time, it was the same story. He either broke the engagement first or the women would do that on their own accord. But today, he got married on a war field with only his subordinates as witnesses and the dowry left to be paid. What an irony! He knew those daughters of governors, senators, ministers and king s would certainly laugh at him when they saw the wife he ended up with. Immediately, he shook his head as if to remind himself that he wasn t going to end up with her. He was going to divorce her like her father had told him he could. Na im thought for a moment, if he took her to the refugee camp now, later he might ask for her to be taken to an orphanage so she might be able to live better there. But one thing he was certain about was, no one would have to know about her, he had to keep her a secret from his family and everyone he had in his life. He knew things were bound to be enshrouded in the palace, no matter how tightly a secret was kept they knew exactly how to unfold it and have it revealed to the world, but Na im assured himself that before that happened, he had already divorced her and he could easily deny it if it got revealed. He opened his eyes when he heard her whimpers as she silently cried. He thought she had gotten tired of crying, didn t she? But as he looked at how her body shook with her tears and how she had both hands on her mouth to stop herself from screaming her agony out, Na im simply stared. Jealous of how she was able to cry her grief and he didn t even know how to do that. He was the one that was supposed to cry, not her! He took his eyes off from her and after some minutes and her tears still hadn t subsided, he knew he was fed up. And unknown to him, he shouted at her, "Will you shut up and let me focus on how to handle and take care of you secretly or not?!" She bulged her eyes at him and instantly, he looked away, but his anger had already simmered in his heart and he knew he just had to vent out and to no one but her. "Won t you ever get tired of crying?! Don t you know that you might get sick if you continue to cry this way?!"