Chapter 4

I had no idea where we were going. I"m new to this town so I"m not yet familiar with what we"re on right now. He was driving smoothly with his motorcycle. My skin was touched by the breeze. Despite the fact that the surroundings were very tranquil, I did not feel drowsy. "Jas, do you already have a driver's license?" I break the silence between the two of us. "Nothing. That's why we can only go for a road trip at night because I don't have a license yet." I gave him a light punch on the nape of his neck, and he just chuckled. I have so much fun and I don"t tend to waste opportunities. We fell silent again and without saying a word, I wrapped my arms around his waist. I leaned my head behind him. I could feel he temporarily stiffed but I received no complaints from him. I closed my eyes and make a wish at Him. Hopefully, nothing changes. I hope this is how I always feel. I hope nothing can be added, I hope nothing less, I hope it's always like this. The whole trip we were both quiet and I just let go of my arms from him when we got off his motorcycle and entered the port gate. He was carrying a bag back and when we got to the beach, he took it out and set up the tent. It feels great to take a deep breath. There is no pollution and the air is pristine and fresh. There is no one in the area and it is really calm. Your ears can only pick up the sound of the waves. The moon is round and the sky is clear so you can see the shining stars in the sky. In the middle of my appreciation of the beauty of the night, he sat beside me. He also looked up and gazed at the sky. "When we were young, I didn't like every night because we weren't together anymore. We will go home and there I will feel alone. " "Gosh, you just miss me so fast," I teased. He shrugged."Maybe. So there is nothing like the pain of losing you for seven years. After all, you have forgotten the past." I felt guilty. I haven't really forgotten anything. I just want to prove something to myself. "But you strengthened me as a person in your departure, El. Some of my perspectives have changed and that includes my acceptance and appreciation for the night." I transferred my vision to him but he remained to stare at the sky. He sighed and smiled, and trace the full moon by his hand. "I love everything about nights," he said. "And I want to be with you through the darkness you like. Let me give you a color and shine like the stars and moon in the sky." ‘I want you to love me even more than a friend." I added in my mind. He just laughed at what I said so I couldn't help but feel annoyed with him. Do I look like I'm joking? He just laughed as he teased me until we came to the story about his past with El. He has told many stories. Some are annoying, some are funny, and some are sad. I felt mixed emotions as he looked back. In the midst of his soft appearance, I didn't think he had a chatter in his throat. At three o'clock a.m, we entered the tent to rest. We were together again and as before, there was no room for my joy but it was immediately extinguished when I woke up in the morning. "P-please, answer!" I cried as I dialed Baki's number. I have no one else to call, I have no other acquaintance with a connection to Jas" life. My hands were shaking and my tears were dripping one after another as I turned to his body over again. Someone answered on the other line so I immediately put it to my ear. "You demon, Jasper! Where are you bastard!? It's eight o'clock! Will you kill me because of worry, motherfucker? Why don't you let me know where the fuck you are?!" "B-Baki, w-we're here at Natu Beach."I bit my lip so hard that she couldn't hear my sobs. I knew nothing of what was going on, and I was worried too much. Will it happen again? Is it my fault again? I do not want it anymore! "WHAT THE FUCK! What beach? Are you insane!? " She was silent for a moment and I heard the fall of the glass she was probably holding. "W-who are you? Are you with Jasper?! " she asked with a mad and worrying tone. I nodded even though I knew she couldn't see it. My eyes were dimming with tears and my whole muscles were shaking with fear and nervousness. "Y-yes and h-he's unconscious." And I don't know why he is in this situation. I am currently watching at his figure. He was lying on the bed while something attached to him. The redness and rashes on his body is not so bad but I am not comfortable as per the fact that he has not woken up since before. All I could do was stand there and cry as I watched him. I was to blame, but I had no idea what the real reason was, and he reddened and had rashes all over his body. When I awoke earlier, I saw how much he struggled with itching and breathing till he couldn't take it any more and passed out. No one was on the beach except the two of us. The place is an old port so it is no longer visited by tourists. When Baki and the man with her arrived, we went straight here and the man himself took care of Jas. He asked me what happened and they didn't seem to be surprised by what I told him. It seems normal to them but I can see how worried they are about Jas' condition. The male doctor left so I had no one to ask what was going on and how Jas was doing. Is he sick? And if so, what is it? Did I do anything to make him feel like this? I was hesitant to ask Baki even if I wanted to. I can tell she's mad at me by the look in his eyes. She hasn't spoken to me in an a while.


The room's door opened, and she walked in. She donned an enormous shirt and khaki shorts and had her hair cropped like a man's. If she wasn't just glaring at me like a jealous and mad girlfriend, I'd think she was a lesbian. "It's getting dark at outside, go home," she said calmly as she put her hand on her short packet. I shook my head and looked back at Jas. I don't want to leave until I can see that he is OK. I want him to be the first to see me when he wakes up. "I'm not leaving until he wakes up," i responded. She tsked. "I'll take care of him. He's fine, his just resting." I was annoyed at the time. Is she trying to intimidate me by being a cool person? I'm not frightened of her. I was only afraid of the things that mattered in my life. But she? She has no contribute to my life so why should I be terrified of her? I took a step forward and faced her. I'm not a patient person, but I want to respect her calm demeanor. "Can you just go home? I can take care of him too." She smirked. "Me?" She pointed to herself with her index finger. "Are you ordering me to go home? As far as I know, this is my place. And what are you saying? You can take care of him?" She smirked again and then she crossed her arm on her chest. "You. Know. Nothing. You don't even know that you put half of his body in the risk." I swallowed and averted my eyes. It was only now that I realized that I knew nothing about him. Maybe I should let go of the responsibility because it might happen again. I can't bear to see him suffer because of me.Yes, I'm not sure what the specific reason was for what happened to him, but I was with him at the time. I know nothing. I am smart but not in all areas. However, I will never let myself lose. I like the competition but if he"s the one involved, Im willing to let go simply to keep him safe. I don't know anything right now, but by the time he wakes up, I'll know everything. I don't want this to happen to him again, but if it does, I'll be prepared with the determination and knowledge to fight and protect him. I returned my attention to Baki. I'm going to give up now, but I'm going to challenge her with a stare. I enjoy fighting against others, and coming out on top makes me feel proud and euphoric. "Don't pretend you know a lot. I know one hundred percent about Jasper and you haven't reached the five percent," she said. I restrained myself from yelling at her. When I give out my feelings, I will appear dejected. I'm going to have to tone it down with what she's showing. I'm not going to let her think she's won. I smirked. "Why? Who are you to him?" I ask in challenging voice. She smiled, an showed an evil grin. "I refused to answer and I'm asking you the same question, Miss. Who are you? In Jasper's life?" full of confidence she asked me. I smiled to let her know that I could answer the question she returned. "I guess you're wrong in a part you said you know him very well. You don't know him very well yet. He didn't seem to tell you that he had a childhood friend named El." I pointed myself and widened the smile even more. "My name is El. Jasper childhood friend." She shrugged and held back a laugh."Really?" She came over to me and touched me on the shoulder. I stiffened in place and my smile gradually faded as she whispered. "I'm not blind. Not everyone who is stupid is stupid." She moved away from my position as I remained stunned. "Get out," she added, pointing the door of the room.

• ••

I have no idea how I got back to my apartment. My mind was floating, I couldn't feel anything as I tried to remove the words left by Baki. I didn't eat when I arrived because I didn't feel hungry. I'm currently lying in bed, waiting for drowsiness to strike. My body and lids are exhausted, but my mind continues to travel. It's exhausting. I searched the pouch that held the medicine I was taking whenever I could no longer control the flow of things in my mind. After I got it, I went to the kitchen. I'm going to have to be tough. I'm not going to be defeated by my own flaws. I want to prove something, therefore I do it, and if I let my imagination rule my life, my studies would fail as well. I'm not here to ruin myself; I'm here to study. WHEN I woke up in the morning, I immediately ate breakfast and prepared to go to the place where I came from yesterday. I want to see him. I want to hug him tight and tell how much I worried. I want to ask him, I want to know and get any information about him. I also want to be sorry. I'm not aware of his condition but I'm with him so I feel I'm the one to blame. I wanted to get to know him so we could avoid the things that could be harm with him. I like him and I'm sure about this feeling. He gives me a lot of joy and I can see that I have hope in him too. I'll do my best to combine my responsibility to him and my studies. I am sure he don't have a relationship with Bak because if he did, why would he bring me out late at night? I knocked twice before it opened. I was greeted by the smiling doctor who treated Jas yesterday so I returned it as well as respect. He looks like he's in his mid 30's. He has a charming body and face so I won't be surprised if the women he meets will salivate. Maybe he will get my attention when our path cross but that's only if I met him earlier than Jas. "Come in," he invited with a smile. I followed him and we sat on the living room sofa. "You're Jas's friend, aren't you?" he asked. I nodded and look around in the living room. "Baki is out. She go to the central for grocery." I fixed my eyes on him in amazement. How did he know I was looking for the girl? I just shook my head and changed the course of our conversation. "Oum Doc, can I ask a question?" He nodded in response. "Whose house is this?" I asked when I remembered what Baki said yesterday that this place belongs to her. "To my sister." ‘His sister is Baki?" I asked myself "Yes, Baki and were siblings. Jas's house is just over there. We directed him here to keep a close eye on him." A few questions ran through my brain and he seemed to get it anyway because he laughed softly. "Jas is home alone." His introduction. "Her mother is in another country and separated from her husband. He is just friends with my sister,but I also consider him as a brother," he said. "What's wrong with him?" I asked nervously. He shrugged. "You won't receive an answer from me. Just ask him." I nodded in agreement. "Can I go to the room where he is?" "All right, it's okay." He said in response. "All right, Doc—" I cut what I wanted to say when he suddenly intervened. "Just Bry. Call me Bry," he said smiling and held out his left palm. I reached for it again and introduced myself with a smile. I walked into the room where Jas was. It was as if I wanted to run it in the desire to see his condition. I slowly opened the door to make sure he would not be startled and when I entered, I closed it again gently. The room is dark and only lamps serve as light. There is a window but it is covered by a thick curtain. He was asleep so I went to him closely. The rashes on him are gone and there is only a small area with redness. I stared at him and thought again what was really the reason why he was in this condition but I got nothing. No one came in in my mind with any idea and I almost jumped when I realized his eyes were already open. He smiled as he stared at me. He smiled as if nothing had happened when we last met. I gulped and then I just felt confused. "Thank you and you woke up, Jas! Is something wrong with you? Do you need anything? What do you want to eat? Shall I call Bry?" I asked, panicking. "You're too worried," he said laughing and sat on the bed.I went close to him and supported him. "You should just lie down first, Jas," I suggested as he leaned against the headboard of the bed. He adjusted the blanket on his feet before turning his eyes to me without erasing the smile on his lips."Just calm down. I won't let myself leave you," he said, chuckling.