Chapter 21

Jas" pov I can't appreciate everything I did, especially the way I hurt El. I didn't mean to hurt her, and I hope she understands that. I hope she's okay, and that she won't ignore me despite everything I've done to her. Every time I'm with her, I have a relaxing time, and that is precisely my problem. Everything has a limit for me; I shouldn't be excessively joyful or sad. I don't know how to live a regular life anymore, especially since that it has affected the people I care about. I'll avoid harming myself as long as I can because I still want to see and be with the people that care about me. It was very difficult for me to not want to be with them; I wanted to be joyful throughout my time with them, but I couldn't because everything would turn to grief. It's the same thing that's going on between El and me. I couldn't explain everything to her because I wasn't experiencing normal feelings. I didn't want to come to the point where she blamed herself again because I was