Chapter 9

I'm looking forward to our last subject before heading back home. I'd like to go home and wait for Jas. Since I am aware of his condition, I will make certain that he is not placed in any situation that may cause him to anguish. I'll treasure every moment he spends with me, and I'll make him feel compelled to look after him. I'll make sure that the new time he spends with me isn't wasted cuz I don't want him to think he's insignificant to me. He plays a vital role in my life, and I'm not sure if I can force myself to be okay when he disappears or walks away.


When our lecturer walked out the door, I went straight to my locker to put the book I wouldn't be using later there. I was ready to exit the locker room when my hair was pulled, causing me to fall to the floor. I quickly fell down due to the force of the impact, and even though I hadn't seen who had done it, I knew my suspicions were true. I don't know anyone, much alone someone close to me, yet I am aware that there are that despise me. Mafia challenges me, "You can brag now, El. Now, give us a try." "El, you had the bravery to fight across from us. I hope you realize how small you are in comparison to us," Halisty replied, holding a cue. I got up from the floor and cleaned my unifom. faced them fearlessly, despite the fact that I knew one person had no chance against three, and I wouldn't show it. I wouldn't let them know that they would win even if I was alone because even if I was alone, I would do everything I could to protect myself. I smirked. "Who said I was against you? I just did what I was supposed to do. I'm not stupid and silly like you," I explain quietly. I will not raise my voice as much as possible. I want them to believe that nothing they do has any impact on me. And that is exactly how I am feeling right now. "So you've known from the start that we're just using you?" Audrey asked, her voice frantic. "Well, I don't think I'm wrong in my suspicions," she continued. I laughed. "Oh, you had an instinct? I thought you didn't," I say, trying to mask a laugh while clapping my hands. "In that case, congratulations," I say as I look at them one by one. "Do you need anything else? I need to go home; I don't have anything else to do. I've done everything I should have done." They were deafeningly quiet, which made me chuckle once more. I haven't done anything yet, and they appear to have dropped the challenge they began. What a pity for the cue stick they brought. "Ah, by the way," I once said as I retrieved something from my wallet and handed it to Halisty. "What the hell is it!" she exclaimed. "Take it so you can see," she reached for it and returning her gaze to me when she saw it. I'm not sure what expression she's having, but one thing is certain: she's starting to cry. I gave her a big smile, the kind that could make her scream with irritation. "Are you a thief? Why do you have my card?" I pretended to be surprised by what she said. As she does, I put my hands over my lips and opened my eyes wide. "Oops, don't blame me; I found that in the canteen earlier, so instead of blaming me, thank me." I smiled once more and waved my hands at them before turning away. The three of them, who stood in their stands like statues, are proof that I have won again. Maybe they still don't believe I know what their intentions are toward me. I turned into them again before I could go any further. I shouted, "Thanks for your treat snacks, Halisty," as I waved my hands once more. I turned away from them and continued walking, my face more fearless now, and I wasn't sure whether I'd appreciate what I'd done; I know it's terrible, but they took the lead.I was only trying to protect myself. I don't want to be conquered or trampled on. I don't want to lose because I'm capable in all areas. I have no one else to rely on but myself, so I must better protect it. I hold myself in utmost respect and trust myself. Because I have something to prove in life, I must love myself. Because no one is trivial, we should all adore ourselves. We all have capabilities that others lack, and vice versa, we all have things we can't do due to limitations. But, in the previous case, I don't need a limit to act against someone who wants to use me for their own personal gain.

That is the way things are in this world. You will constantly be oppressed if you are weak. We are all fighting, thus there is no place in the world for weak people. Some of us may not be aware of what else we are fighting for, yet the fight is constantly present. There is a fight going on in every breath we breathe because we are fighting to survive. Those who do not know how to fight will suffer and perish as well. Life is full of difficulties, and if you give up and wait for the benefits, you will fail. If I allow Mafiah to use me, I will be the loser while they prosper. Everyone should be battling for something they want. I didn't expect that. I totally thought my life would be okay in senior high. I prefer not to be noticed; like they didn"t care for me, and seem that I don"t exist for them. In that such a situation, my life is at peace. There is only one person to blame for everything and that is Ivan. But I need to calm down. As much as possible, I will not blame him. The more I interact or talked to him the more my whole day will be ruined. While on the bus, I thought about looking at my phone. I smiled and saw the notification coming from Jas's text. Right now, he"s the only reason I smile for real fun; a smile without forcing and faking. I opened his message and then I replied. From: Jasper no longer stuntedToday 4:02 pm ‘After my class can we go out?" I type a reply. ‘Yeah, it's okay HAHA. How are you?Are u okay now? If not yet, I'll just go there." After a seconds, he replied . ‘I'm okay, El. Don't worry.See you later :)" ‘Okay! Take care!:>" It seems that there is nothing bad happened throughout my day because I no longer felt heavy. Just have communication with him even through digital the negative vibes I feel disappear. That's how much pleasure Jas brings me I immediately put some of the clutter away when I arrived home. I also took a shower before deciding to have a cup of coffee. I knew Jas was still in class at 8:30 p.m. I opened up my Facebook social media to have some fun. I only have a few friends since I only know a few people; I left practically all of my family in the province. I went to the message board and believed Dad had left a message, but he was nowhere to be seen in my last chat. I didn't think much of it and instead tried typing Jas' full name into the search box. I saw his profile right away and clicked on it. It looks like his picture was stolen and he was not in pain at the time. He was on the beach, and the sun was still blazing, unlike his current condition, when he had to lock himself in a room every morning. His cover photo is sun rise where his silhouette is still there while raises his hand over his head and makes a peace sign with his finger. I looked in his bio and it is an emoji of the sun and something written on the bottom "sunshine" using the babaylan. I tried to look at his picture posts but it seem to be private so I saw nothing. I immediately sent a friend request and Baki's account suddenly appeared as a suggested friend. Because of my curiosity about her, I stalked her. Baki was her only name on her account and she is in a field in her profile picture. She is wearing in a soccer gear, and her cover photo is similar to Jas', with the sun rising and a silhouette of her hand lifted over her head with a heart-shaped finger. They were obviously together while Jas was still enjoying the day and the sun. I could feel how much Jas loved the sun and it was exhausting because he was with me at a time he hated. I can't help not to think that Baki is his sunshine because I wasn't by his side before to accompany him. "Don't worry, Jas. Just like what I promise, I will make your night vibrant and you'll love the moonlight as long as you're with me." I said as if he's here. My phone unexpectedly vibrated in the middle of my deep thought. My cousin, Auntie's daughter, who was my guardian in the province, is calling. I accept the video call request by swiping the answer button. Auntie came out to greet me, and when she saw me, she immediately called Uncle, who came out to check me. Auntie asked, smiling and glancing into the camera, "How are you, El?" "I"m okay, Auntie. How are you and Uncle?" "We're fine but we"re worried about you. You don't even call us to remind us that you're fine," Uncle said. "I'm sorry, I've become more focused on my studies. Don't worry, Uncle, and Auntie, I'm fine," I said, smiling. "That"s good for you. Don't worry about us either. Just focus on school and call us when there's a problem." "Yes, Auntie." "Do you still have an allowance there? Your dad will send money in the next week, El. If you don't have an allowance, I have something here. I keep this for you; just in case you need it. Just tell me if you need it, okay?" I'm not sure why, but I felt hurt. Auntie and Uncle are still concerned for my well-being. It's good that they remembered to say hello to me while my father hadn't even seen my message . I'm not sure, but even if I claim to be accustomed to his treatment, I'll still be hurt. When am I going to be able to gain his love? Will he be so proud of me if I follow in his paths? How long will I be able to convince him that I am his child as well? "Yes, Auntie. Thank you. I still have an allowance here. You too, always be careful." "Of course, El. We're still waiting for you to get rich!" Uncle laughed. "We are confident you will reach your dream because you are smart. You know what"s right and wrong, El. Don't waste your opportunity for your dad to support you financially. We don't know if you'll be able to complete your education without him because your Auntie and I are both in our eighties. We are unable to generate funds for your support. We can no longer work and earn the same amount as your father." I don't weep and don't want everyone to see me cry because I'm strong enough to handle everything, but every time Uncle reminds me, I can't help but tear. "Thank you for your trust, Uncle," I say, "and I vow that one day I will be successful." Auntie, however, did not hold back her tears. I pretended to chuckle while teasing her because she was crying. I never cried in front of them because I didn't want them to think I was weak. One of the things I'm afraid of is if someone love and care with me because they pity me. I don't want others to pity me because my own father doesn't love me. Dad loves me because I believe that if he doesn't love me, he won't financially support me. "All right, Uncle and Auntie. I'll say goodbye because I still have homework to do." "Oh all right. Be careful always." "Yes, you too. I really miss you. Thank you for the time." When the conversation was over, I took a deep breath before returning to my facebook timeline. I stared at the top of my friend request list and i'm sure it hasn't there before and because he's a big plague in my life, I declined his request. Later, the moron repeated his request and I was about to block him when my phone vibrate again. There's someone wanting to video call with me and guess who? Ivan Gil Clifford.