Chapter 11

ARIELLA. The problem with me was that I was a living irony. I hated Eli, but I knew that I had always trusted him with all my heart too. Even now, after all the bad things that have happened, I definitely felt safe enough with him around. The implications of being alone together in a hotel room didn't even cross my mind, which was my mistake. Because as I turned off the main lights to sleep leaving only the night light on, my wolf was in a frenzy. My heartbeat became faster than usual, and my wolf kept on howling this animalistic sound that I knew was caused by its sexual desire for its mate. It felt like there was a thread where me and Eli were tied to on both ends and that it kept us pulling to each other as each second passed by. I tried to sleep to shake it off, but I knew it was futile. I guess the 'pull' between mates is stronger than I think because the next thing I knew, I was walking towards the spot where Eli was sleeping on the floor. And he seemed to be in the same situation because as I took a few steps he moved towards me too. "Ariella," he said breathlessly when he stood up. The way he was looking at me right now wasn't ideal. It was all sexual. I could feel his gaze on my skin, making me feel hot. I could see him swallow as he continued looking at me hungrily. Desire was so visible in his eyes that I wondered why I still hadn't melted from his gaze yet. "E-Eli..." I was struggling to talk and I wasn't worried about it. Eli suddenly sniffed my neck, which triggered something in me and my wolf. "This is bad... I... I can't hold back anymore..." he whispered to my ear, and I noticed that we were now holding hands. My mind was in limbo. All I could think was how to respond to his every move. Face to face, he took a deep breath before pulling me into his arms. We were feeling our bodies and it both felt hot and great. Hell, it felt good to just be this close to him. My senses were all heightened while my wolf was rejoicing. He placed his hands on my sensitive parts and that sent a million tingling sensations onto me that I had never felt before. And then Eli finally kissed me which I was anticipating. I kissed back and the next thing I knew, we were hungrily taking each other's clothes. "Eli..." I called in my most sensual tone, hoping that he would understand what I wanted him to do without saying it. And he did because he immediately lifted me and put me back on the bed. He paused for a while, looking at my naked body with those hungry eyes. And then we kissed again, making love as if this was the last thing that we would ever do. I knew I would regret this in the morning, but Eli was irresistible. *** It was still dark when I woke up, probably six in the morning. My whole body felt sore and the whole room smelled a lot like sex, and then I felt something move beside me. It was Eli who was still fast asleep. We were both still naked so I got up and hurriedly wore my clothes which were scattered on the floor. "Oh no, no, no," I groaned as the sour feelings immediately in my belly. I couldn't believe myself for not trying to stop Eli's advances last night. The bitter realization almost made me cry, but I just sucked it up because I don't want to appear weak in front of the man I just slept with. And as I struggled to accept the reality, all those bitter memories from the past conveniently flowed back into my mind. And now I just felt used and taken advantage of. I knew this wouldn't have happened if I wasn't his mate. But because I was, reason and logic seemed to have escaped from my brain and it made me feel so awful that I actually started crying silently. "Ariella?" Eli finally woke up but I was already far away from the bed. I was sitting in the chair he used last night, but this time I propped it in front of the door just in case I needed to run away from him again. "What's wrong?" "Please don't talk to me, Eli," I told him coldly as I wiped my tears. "But why? Is there something wrong?" "Wrong?" I said, glaring at him. He finally stood up and searched for his clothes so I looked away again. "We shouldn't have done it in the first place." "We're still mates," he replied, confused. "We can't really fight the mating bond, Ariella." "But I didn't like what happened. I would have never slept with you if I could resist the mating bond," I told him harshly, and I saw his facial expression change. He looked pained when he heard that, but this wasn't the time for me to be the bigger person. I shouldn't feel guilty saying things to this man when he never thinks of me first before doing anything himself. "It's fine, Ariella. I know that this will happen. Just please don't push me away. Let's try to fix this." "There is nothing to be fixed, Eli. You heard me, I don't want anything from you. And to stop that from ever happening again, I would like it if you'd finally leave me alone." I knew pushing him away would be hard, but I had to do this because I didn't think I could be with a man like him. I know my wolf wants him, but I have to save myself too. "I guess I should have known that you'd not forgive me easily," he said softly. "And I understand. Believe me, Ariella, I do. I know I hurt you so much and I am very sorry. I'm still going to try to win you back though, so please don't push me away." "I don't know what to say to that, Eli. It just doesn't make sense to me that you're suddenly like this when all this time you acted like you can't even stand being with me in a room." Eli did not respond to that. He just looked at me with the same pained expression. When he was finally fully dressed, he walked towards the door so I had to give way to him. He opened the door, but hesitated and then faced me again. "I have always been attracted to you, Ariella. But I thought with our situation, we would never have a chance. Not when our packs are always at each other's throats. I decided to let you go and make you mad at me so that you'd forget me and just move on, but I guess that was a mistake." "Everything between us is a mistake," I told him. "That's why I'm going to find a way to get rid of our mating bond, and you're not going to stop me." "I used to believe that too, Ariella. That being with you was wrong and taboo. But now, I'm taking my chance to be with you." He said that with a genuine smile and then finally left, making my wolf whine again in agony.