Chapter 8: Escaping Ryan

I don't stop running, not even when he calls my name. I want to laugh at my luck. I want to laugh at fate. I want to laugh at the universe for doing this to me, but I find tears in my eyes instead. What are the odds that I escaped LA to get as far away from the man as possible, only for him to find me here, with Ash? Pretty small, it would seem. Christ. He'd seen Ash. I can't wait around for him to come into my life and take my son from me. To where do I need to run this time? Italy? Spain? Antarctica? Ryan catches my arm and sudden yanks me back with it, forcing me to turn around and look at him. My heart skips as his beautiful eyes bear into mine. He is still so handsome, it hurts to look at him. Somehow, over the years, he's gotten hotter and more irresistible. His sharp jawline and high cheekbones are still as chiseled as ever, and his bright, expressive eyes still hold that stark intensity that had first drawn me to him all those years ago. His hair is a little longer now, framing his face in soft waves, and his sensual lips are pulled tightly together, forming a grim line. In a split second, I am taken back to the bar from years ago, and I am staring at him again with longing and a need that even I don't understand. My skin tingles from where his fingers have banded around my arm, branding me, and butterflies have scattered in my stomach. "Amber," he says again, staring at me with wonder in his eyes, like he can't quite believe I'm in front of him. I yank my hand from his grip and stagger a few steps backward. I need air. I can't seem to think properly anymore. He's always had that effect on me, and it hasn't lessened with time. If anything, it has tripled and my brain has turned to mush. Ryan suddenly peers down at the child in my arms and his nostrils flare. Instinctively, I hug Ash to my chest, hiding his face from Ryan. His gaze rises to meet mine, and my heart skips again. I think I might be ill. "I looked for you," Ryan says, eyes bright with emotion. I tighten my fists to hide the slight tremor of my hands. "Hello, Ryan. It's been a while." My voice is surprisingly cool and steady, a great contrast from the hot mess stirring within me. Can this get any more awkward? "It's been three years, ten months, a week and a fucking day, Amber. You bailed on me. I looked everywhere for you!" My breath hitches and I realize that I don't know what to say. Or do. I just want to run from here. From him. I am not ready for this encounter, this conversation. But I find myself asking, "Why?" He goes silent and just when I think he won't reply, he says, "I wanted to see you again." A mental window opens up in my head, and my brain escapes from it. "I...uh...gotta get home. Some other time...maybe. Not." His bright eyes dip to Ash again, and then to my fingers that are missing a wedding or engagement ring, and I see him doing the math in his head. I don't let him arrive at the conclusion; I turn around and start walking towards my Jeep. Only now am I noticing how much of a dump it looks like beside the many other luxury vehicles in this parking lot. "What's his name?" he says, and I stop short, turning slightly. "Ash." He can know that at least. He can at least know his son's name. "Is he mine?" I swivel and force a look of outrage onto my face as I tell the biggest lie I might be forever condemned for, "No. Why would you even think that?" I could swear hurt and disappointment flicker in his eyes. "You met someone else?" I bite hard on the inside of my cheek and school my expression into a smooth mask as I tell yet another lie, "Yes. I did. We're happy together, and we love each other." I pause, jerking my head to the event hall. "Go give your speech, Ryan." As if on cue, the woman I've been in touch with, Ms. Mary, hurries over to where we Ryan stands and whispers something in his ear. He nods, looking between the hall and me, torn between what affair to take care of first. "Don't leave, Amber. Wait for me. I'll be right out. I promise. Five minutes of your time is all I ask. Please." I observe him for a moment before nodding slowly. He smiles, and my gut tightens at the sight of it. I look away, refusing to watch him as he hurries back to the hall, and when he is completely out of sight, I hurry back to my car. I lied again. There's no way I'm waiting for him to return and sweep me off my feet, as well as take another look at Ash. I'll move from Vermont again if I have to. This cannot be happening.