Chapter 9 Hitting a wall

***POV - Damion I truly tried to keep my distance from her cause I fucking struggle to keep my control when she s around. After a really bad day, I let my emotions numb my mind and I dragged her with me to the zoo. Everything felt so right, it was just amazing. But after I dropped her off I got scared shitless. She controlled me like a fucking voodoo doll and I realized that if she stuck a needle in the doll s heart, I ll never recover. Not to mention that I ll have to break my rules, the only thing that keeps me in line, the only thing that keeps me from falling down the dark hole. So I made sure that she saw the brunette on my bike the next day. I got back my control, but the look in her eyes would become another demon in the darkness of my mind. Another guilt-driven burden to place on the ever-growing heap. I managed to keep my promise and stayed away until I won my first MotoGP championship, and all I could think of was celebrating it with her. I went to her school and sort of kidnapped her. We had the best day ever at the Boardwalk, and this time I was going to risk everything and tell her how I feel. But when I dropped her off, Jackson was there. We fought and he hit some sense into me. Mel was an angel, I couldn t let my demons suck the innocence from her, corrupt her, destroy her, so for a second time I scared her heart and gained another guilty demon. I started screwing around, even more, to rip her from under my skin. Fucking any brunette I could lay my hands on – never a blonde like her. But it was as if with each girl, the spell she has over me just got stronger, the voodoo in my heart increased. So I stopped at the beginning of the season realizing that it s impossible to get Melaena Blackburn out of my blood. Out of my mind. Out of my dreams. And out of my heart. It for sure as hell is not easy letting go of one thing that helps with my demons, and going for almost a year without sex is like hell on earth, not to mention that my arm muscles have increased since getting off by hand, thinking about her, is my only option for now. But after tonight I know I need to change the situation drastically, else I m going to explode – or at least my balls will. I walk back inside and fall on the bed running the past few hours through my mind. Almost immediately I recognized the light hair and I gasped a few times to get the air back in my lungs. Shit, she was even prettier than I remembered, all grown up now. My eyes moved over her petite body dressed in a short patterned dress and denim jacket. The dress accentuated her perfect round breasts. Damn, she looked so gorgeous and I seriously needed to talk my cock down before it got any embarrassing ideas. Her eyes locked in mine, making my little man wanting to do the hula. Not being with a girl since forever didn t help either. But seeing her with another guy, his arms around her, his mouth in her neck, snapped something in me and I wanted to Hulk out and hit something or someone, especially him. I wanted to kill the guy, to rip his throat out, and squash his head. It took everything inside me to walk away. I have no right to be, but I was instantly jealous wishing it was my arms around her instead. And jealousy was a whole new concept for me. Yeh, I may have threatened to beat up any guy in school that dared to look at her wrong, knowing that my reputation preceded me, and it worked. I know it wasn t a very civilized thing to do, but I just couldn t stand thinking about someone else touching her, and I never cared what the fuck anybody thinks about me, still don t. I convinced myself that the reason for acting like a pussy-whipped asshole was that I just wanted to protect her from all the other assholes in the world, guys like me. But it wasn t as selfless as that. No, I just wanted to keep her for myself. Thinking about how she felt in my arms at the pool table, the look on her face, her lips so close to mine. I could feel those perky breasts against my chest and everything felt so right as if it's where we were both meant to be. I was going to tell her what she s doing to me, I was eventually going to say the words I wanted to say for such a long time, and then I was going to kiss her and everything was going to be … fuck. What was I thinking? Clearly, I wasn t thinking at all, she s poisonous, deadly like a fucking rattle-snake. Fucking voodoo magic. Just thinking about her body blows me into a full erection and an iron grip forms around my heart. Something s got to give, I can t go on like this. I need my control back cause I m losing it. I get up and hit the wall letting small pieces of plaster shoot out like shrapnel. Hitting stuff is another thing I got used to since I stopped screwing around. Guess I m trying to replace one method of coping with another. I walk to the bathroom in serious need of a very cold shower. The freezing water runs over me while I lean with my head against the tiles, trying not to think anymore. I wrap a towel around my body and walk back into the room. Dad stands on the balcony, leaning on the railing. When did he get here? More importantly, why is he here? I pull on a tracksuit and join him, putting my hands on the barrier. "Something wrong with the hand?" He asks, looking intentively at my face and I try to keep any emotion out of my eyes. Dad is way too perceptive for his own good. "Just collided with the wall." "Just wish the walls could repair themselves. Must I send the repairman again in the morning?" He smiles as he pulls up his eyebrows. "Ye, ye, so I ve damaged a few walls in my time, ok." "It s a miracle you can still pull the brake with that hand. Damion, you know I love you and I want you to be happy, right?" Oh boy, this is going to be one of those deep emotional discussions. The ones I hate more than losing a race. "Yes, I know dad. But .." "You re still into this Melaena girl, and don t try to deny it, I saw how you looked at her, I m not blind." He interrupts me. My jaw drops, but I know I can t hide anything from my father, so I won t even try. "I don t know what it is about her, she just drives me insane. Always has. But she also makes me lose control and I hate it." He looks back at my bruised hand. "Yep, I can see that! But getting into 2 fights at the party, was that really necessary?" I give him a stupid smile, feeling like such a fool. How does everybody always know exactly what s happening in my life? For fuck s sake, I can t seem to pee without someone knowing if I ve missed the damn urinal or not. "It was necessary, both are dicks." "Damion, maybe it s time to choose, keep on fucking around and hitting walls to stay in control, or take a leap of faith and follow your heart, even if it means losing control. But between you and me – control is overrated." "Dad, I m bad when I lose control. I m not a good guy and she deserves more." "I think you re pretty darn decent. Definitely in the top 5 in my books, just after Batman." I smile at my father. He always knows just what to say but I m not sure if I believe him. "Son, I ve never told you this in the past, but I think you should know. I ve seen Mel at the hospital when she got shot by the arrow. I saw her wearing your team jacket and I knew she was special. I mean, you wouldn t give away the most important thing in your life just to anybody. That s why I ve sent you to the same school as Logan, hoping that you would find her again. Maybe I should have done it sooner, but with everything that happened, I wanted you to have time to heal, to trust yourself again so you could be ready for love." I feel a little dumbstruck by the information. I almost forgot about the jacket. And all this time my father planned our reunion. "So you are the fucking universe then?" He laughs and shakes his head. "Just make sure it s what you want or else you could end up ruining her life. Mel is not just some random girl. First, try and find out what is she to you?" He squeezes my shoulder and walks out of the room, leaving me to think about his question alone. I gaze into the darkness over the ocean. The water shimmers in the moonlight and you can make out the white foam of the waves. Wondering what my obsession with Mel is really about. Is she just a sexual fantasy that will lose its appeal as soon as I fucked her, or is there something more to this, something deeper? Why would a small boy become so obsessed with a girl with blonde pigtails and bewitching eyes? Must be some Harry Potter shit. All I know is that I ve never felt like this about anyone. And hell, I ve been feeling this way since I was only 8 and it hasn t stopped. So it must be real then. Or maybe it s just a spell, a fantasy. I don t know how long I ll maintain the self-control to not chase her. And if I start, I won t be able to stop until I cross the finish line. But maybe dad is right, it s time to start the most important race of my life, one I have to win at all cost. And if she wakes up from her drunken sleep, she s going to be super mad at me. I might have punched her dustbag of a boyfriend, leaving him with a broken nose. To my defense, he started it, so I just hit him back … once. But I don t think Mel is going to care about the truth.