The Disinclination

"Create space in your life for people who deserve it."

Abhimanyu"s Perspective

Reject....

Reject.....

And Reject....

That"s what I was doing for the past seven months and my family was hell bent on making me wed with every next girl caught their eyes.

So, finally they"d selected this girl who seemed to be their latest catch; her name was Shree. I"d not seen her, not her photograph even but still my parents were considering her considerably potential than other matches. That being said, nothing had stopped them from considering other matches as well, in case I eliminate this one. They had the girls in row to pester me with and I was growing to be tired of imposing upon them but it wasn"t something that I did by design.

"Dada, look at her." I huffed when Paridhi came and stuck a photograph on my laptop screen. I stripped the spectacles off my eyes and stuck out the photograph from the screen.

"Rejected." I announced before, flipping it on the bed. To my utter luck, it laid overturn. She rolled her eyes and picked the photograph, wiping it with her hand. "She is a new model, bro."

"What?" Confusion and incredulity speckled my voice. It was not persuaded to me that they were weighing up models for this alliance. There was no doubt that we were very well heeled but there had to be a rim.

"She is not for wedding." Vandisha strolled in and contradicted, studying my expressions.

"Fine." I darted my eyes on the screen again.

"Dada..." They echoed in coalition and I banged my head on the laptop.

"Will you guys please let me work?" I groaned, shutting my laptop and glared them. As expected, they were immune to it and they perched upon the bed, folding their knees. "When will you stop being grumpy?"

"When will you stop irritating me?"

"How about… never?" Anshu Dada smirked, coming up next and I sighed, knowing that the whole clan will be storming up in here. I made space for everyone as Vidhi bhabhi trotted in with a plate of snacks and placed it in the centre. I was on a side and my siblings on the other with their eyes trained on me as if I were a fascinating two thousand years old fossil.

"What is it?"

"We are going to see her tomorrow." Bhabhi chirped, buzzing with excitement.

Paridhi was left to accompany her, "Finally like finally I will see her. I"ve heard from mom that she"s so fair, Dada."

"Who?" It was blowing above my head.

"Shree, the girl whom you"re going to get married with, duh." Bhabhi snapped her fingers before me like she was making me trance out.

"I don"t want to get married now." I declared, folding my hands across my chest. "And, now I am getting tired of repeating the same thing on loop. Why are you guys wasting your and my time? Do something productive in its place."

Silence condensed around us. They looked at me blankly, the ladies only while Anshu Dada was throwing daggers at me.

"Nothing is more productive than a marriage." He forced a chuckle to lift the spirits of everyone.

"Shut up." Bhabhi jabbed him and snapped at me, "Stop this rant, Abhi, even I want someone who would help me in the kitchen."

"And for your kitchen assistance, you want to get me married." I was perplexed at the dumbness of my family, "Bhabhi, why don"t you appoint someone? I promise I will bear the expense."

"It is not just that!" She rolled her eyes, "I mean this girl has keenly caught mom and choti ma"s attention. So beware!"

"And I don"t even understand why you are so reluctant. Are you interested in, Ahem?" I boringly casted a look at Dada when he implied what I knew he had implied, gearing up everyone"s laughter.

"No! I am straight. Thank you." I snorted, turning to the half of female population and showed them the exit. "Please let me work."

"Stop being a cry baby, Dada." Vandisha twitched her lips and grabbed Paridhi"s hand before showing me her tongue and strolled out, "You are going to beg me to come here next time, bro."

"Dream on, little sister." I scoffed.

"Aren"t you excited?" Bhabhi propelled and opened my laptop.

"No, I am not. I do not want to get married."

"Vidhi let me have some guy time with my brother and please send coffee for us." Dada beckoned bhabhi to which she nodded. I shut the laptop down again and shoved my head in my hand, closing my eyes to block the threatening memories of the past.

"Don"t brood over past, Abhi." I felt dada massaging my shoulder trying to provide me ease.

"I"m not." I whispered, not even bothering to look up.

"Then what"s all this? You are hurting Choti ma with this." Anshu Dada snubbed me, "We just want to see you happy."

"Why can"t they understand I need time?" I was irritated and looked at him, "Forget them, out of all people why can"t you understand it? You know everything right. Then why?"

"Because this is for the best. How long will it take you to come over it, Abhimanyu? It"s been two years now, why don"t you try to move on?"

"How am I supposed to move on when my wounds are fresh? When my present is stained with past already?" I put forward.

"They will remain fresh if you will scratch them. You need someone Abhi, someone who would stand by you and love you enough to make you believe in love again." He said calmly, "You need a partner, Abhi. You need to be loved."

"Last time when I checked, love ruined me and made me fear of a relationship." I contradicted.

"History doesn"t repeat itself always. That was a mistake but this can be lifetime happiness." He enforced me to share his viewpoint.

"I don"t want to talk about this; I"m allergic to such happiness. Besides, who would want to marry someone like me who is a criminal?" I looked away.

"Just shut up or I will slap you tight." Dada growled, "I am done with trying to make you understand that it wasn"t your fault. It was just an accident but it seems you don"t want to believe it."

I was silent. There was no way I could bring myself to accept it. He wasn"t in my place to understand my inner turmoil.

"Look, I am not asking you to marry her. Just meet her, talk to her, try to understand her and then decide." He suggested, raking his finger through his hair. "It will be beneficial for everyone. Try to think and take a wise decision, Abhi."

***

"Mehul, pass me the file dude." I grumbled as he jumped over my bed, increasing my blood pressure.

"If you don"t tell me, I will not give it back to you." He flipped the file right under my nose.

"Get down RIGHT NOW!!" I shouted.
"No need to scream dude, just spill the beans." Kartik rolled his eyes, "He will give you the file back."

"You bastard! We would"ve never known about it if Dada hadn"t called us." Bharat snored, punching my stomach.

"Fuck off!" I glared them one last time, feigning intimidation but nothing worked. Defeated, I collapsed on the bed, "Fine, ask whatever you want to know."

"Who"s she? How is she?" Bharat bombarded me with questions.

"I don"t have seen her now. Actually the thing is..." I ended up elaborating everything.

"I"m glad you"re finally getting settled. We are happy for you, buddy." Kartik patted my back and engulfed me in a hug.

"I haven"t said yes yet and I am not sure."

"What are you thinking?" Mehul asked, quizzically. "What is that you are not sure about?"

"I will tell her everything and then if she decides to..." I propounded but Bharat cut me off. "Tell her what?"

"About my past relationship with Divya. She should know before-"

"You are mad - total mad." Kartik snarled at me. "Have you just planned to ruin your life? Man! Stop being ridiculous. Why are you broaching this topic that has no rationale?"

"It is rational. That was a part of my life; a very dark one, I don"t want to be cheated again. I can"t let my heart break ruthlessly once again." I protested, "More ever, I don"t want her to feel cheated. She should be able to spend life with me only if she wants after knowing everything."

Mehul pinched his nose and exhaled. "We"re not asking you to hide it all your life. Just in the beginning don"t tell her and when you will eventually fall in love with her, just say whatever you want to."

"What is the use of telling her when I"ll be already married to her? I want her to take the decision after knowing the truth."

"And the truth is?" Kartik prompted.

"Excuse me..!"

He pressed upon, "What will you tell her that you"d been in a hapless relationship?"

"I will tell her about what happened after being in that hapless relationship."

"You"ve simply gone mad." Bharat rubbed his forehead. "Your reasons are invalid. You can"t tell her this. She doesn"t deserve such a blow."

"I am still opposed to it." I mumbled, falling weak and Mehul prompted. "You won"t be ready until you give chance."

I thought for a while, looking at the three eagerly waiting faces. It wasn"t like that that I didn"t want a happy life, a peaceful life, a partner who could share my fears, who could spend days and nights with me providing me a relief that no matter what she"ll be there but there stood a question as a monolith before me.

Was I worth having one?

There was no doubt that the human of opposite gender tended to be conspiring and deceptive but wasn"t a wound enough to cut me deep that I willed for more. I wasn"t bind by my will when I mulled over the whole chaos. This wouldn"t end until I try. And, I would try for the sake of those who were precious to me.

"I will try." I finally mustered the courage and said. I wasn"t a coward to always be in the bushes.

***

"Abhi...what"s all this? You are still not ready. We"ll be late." Vidhi bhabhi came in with blue and purple shirt in her hands, "What do you think suits you best?"

"Blue one, I guess." I said unsure, combing my hair and glanced at her reflection in the mirror. I had no idea when she got her hands on my wardrobe or was the shirt picked after laundry.

"Okay then, I will get it ironed." She muttered to herself and stormed out.

"Dada, get ready fast." Paridhi barged in, being clad in Anarkali.

"Listen, wear something traditional because we are going to see my future bhabhi and not for some business meeting." Vandisha mocked. I was always thrilled with her guts of wrestling with me even when she knew that there was no winning against me.

"Shut up!!" I glared her and twitching her lips, she stuck her tongue out, "If everything goes well, I will make sure that bhabhi stays on my side always."

"It is not going to happen." I wasn"t sure what was not going to happen; this marriage or her challenge of getting the girl in her team.

"Ignore her!! Take this and get ready fast before Choti ma kills you." Bhabhi came to rescue and handed me the ironed shirt. I nodded and they left, leaving me to get dressed up. Ignoring what Vandisha said, I wrapped champagne colored suit around my frame, donning myself in formals and fixed the watch on my wrist. When I came downstairs, I saw my family waiting for me in the hall, impatiently.

"C"mon son!! Let"s go, they"ll be waiting." Dad patted my back passing me the car keys. We had decided to go by two cars. Dad, mom, my twin sisters and Badi ma in one car and Bade papa, Anshu dada, Vidhi bhabhi and I would leave in another car.

"So, my boy!! Excited??" Bade papa broke the silence of the ride.

I looked at him and scoffed "Yeah!! So much that you can"t imagine!!!"

"You are lucky to escape from this till now, when I was of your age I had five years old Anshu and three years old Vanshika to look after." He guffawed.

"Bade papa, does that mean your happiness ended very soon?" I was jolly.

"Actually not, it"s funny to say but having a partner really doesn"t mean that your happiness is ended. It means you"ve someone with whom you can extend your happiness." He said, thoughtfully.

"When I were you, I used to throw same tantrums but when Usha came in my life, I knew about real happiness, happiness of being with someone, being cared of, making kids and seeing them growing." He articulated, gushing.

"You never advised me in such way, dad." Dada found a fault.

"Because you didn't run away when we talked of your marriage." Bade papa crooned, "And, I wasn"t advised as such also, neither your uncle. This son of his has inherited genes from your late grandfather."

I was intrigued. "Is that true?"

"Yes." Bade papa narrated the story how grandpa refused to meet grandma and ran off with his friends to Hrishikesh few days before marriage because he wanted to do something on his own, after a few years, when he was doing well and was contented with his achievement, he came back to his town and requested grandma"s father to marry his daughter with him. My great grandfather refused to even own him and my grandma"s dad even hired goons to beat grandpa until black and blue because they had faced embarrassment in the town. Somehow, as every story ends on a good note, grandma requested her family to forgive grandpa and allow him to marry her. I now, happened to understand why dad and bade papa were always pliable before their wives. Perhaps, they"d earned a lesson from grandpa.

"I still can"t believe that grandpa loved grandma so much." Vidhi bhabhi routed to her fantasy mode. "She was very lucky."

"That"s true." Anshu dada had the same opinion. "I would"ve left you if your dad had hired goons for me."

"Shut up." Only I was the one who heard bhabhi groaning and slapping dada slightly.

"Even grandma was so brave to trust grandpa and advocate him before her family in that time." I appreciated, "Grandpa could"ve proved her wrong."

"So, you see now. It is all based on trust and love. Anyway, You will know that when you will get married." He patted my back, encouragingly.

"Thank you Bade papa." I was really thrilled by now. I didn"t know why but I felt relieved and very positive of this relation. Perhaps, I should give it a chance.