Chapter 24

* abuse, suicidal thoughts * After the twentieth lash I was completely numb to the pain of the whip. My back was ruined I just knew, beyond recognisable. I didn't cry though nor beg for mercy, I never begged for mercy. I knew even if I were to survive this or the infections I'd most likely get afterwards I would never completely heal not physically and not emotionally or mentally. I was facing away from Cadmer so I didn't see his awful face, I bet he was smiling. He would count loudly after each lash and sounded happier and happier after every one. I don't even understand how one could be so heartless and psychotic. What makes a person become like that? I had to keep thinking of something other than the lashes or the pain my body was trying desperately to fight. I was tied to a pole of sorts so it kept me up from sliding to the floor. Everything in me screamed to just lay down on the floor, close my eyes and sleep myself into a coma. Every time I closed my eyes I was