CHAPTER Two: The Divorce Papers

The night was long and the morning came slowly but Thomas did not return home. The continuous beeping from my phone drew me to it. I scrubbed my eyes with the back of my palm as I saw the pictures that planted tiny bombs in my heart. Another glance at the photos and the grief came like a wave, grueling sapping every last iota of peace and stability alike. It was a shard in my gut that never left, though perhaps the edges will become blunt as time goes by. But at that instant, I knew I needed to do what was best for me. “What is this?” Thomas barked as he saw the file served on his dish just as he arrived home. “Open it.” I watched as he unraveled the envelope. “Divorce papers?” “Yes,” I moved the pen I had in my grip all along towards him. “What is this Regina? Is this one of your tricks?” “I wish it was Tom, I wish it was. But my mind is made up.” “This is certainly a prank. And I am not going to go on with it.” “This is some joke to you, right? Everything about me is a joke to you. You don't share the same feelings with me as I do for you. Why can't you just sign it and let me go?” "I thought this was an important document. I’m out of here.” "Yeah, keep running, that's what you've always done!” The door shook vigorously behind Thomas he did not see as tears flowed freely down my cheeks. Suddenly, the air became too thin and I knew I needed to breathe again. ••• “Angela, it's so good to see you,” we hugged and settled in the restaurant I had chosen for the meeting. Angela still had her look_ a blend of a classical trendy fashionista with a touch of the traditional. She had always been the strong and hard-headed one amongst us, maybe that was why she still remained the only friend I had. “Same here, old friend. You look... " “Malnourished?” "More like starving. What's wrong dear?” "Thomas has gotten worse.” I could not hold down my tears. “Oh, the husband,” She rolled her eyes. “He doesn't even touch me anymore, he forgets my birthday. Maybe I’m too old now.” “At 40? C’mon girl.” "I finally did it today, summoned all courage to end what we have built for 20 years and he refused to sign it.” "Did he state his reason?” “No. It's just so confusing. Do you think maybe he still wants me?” "No, no man would put a woman he wants through all this stress.” “Then why doesn't he just let me go?” “That’s because you don't want to go, he knows this, that is the reason why he keeps putting you through all this. You show him too much. Regina, you need your sanity back. Look at you.” I looked out the window wiping my eyes with the back of my palm. “What do I do?” “Take a break, go somewhere for a while so you can clear your head.” "I can't just go away. My whole life I have lived here. Thomas and I built everything here and then my son.” “Jayden will be fine, how old is he again? 18? He is an adult now.” “But I love him, I still love him and I want to be with him. What's wrong with me Angela? I’m going insane.” “Hey, hey, calm down,” She held my hands on the table, “You’d be fine, you are going to get past this. Whatever this is and when you do, Thomas would regret all his actions.” “You know, he got lingerie for Catherine and when I wore one for him, he couldn't even look at me.” “Catherine, that bitch. I should crush her when I next see her.” "I've thought about that a million times but it just doesn't add up. She isn't worth my wrath.” "Yeah, she isn't.” “I think I need to go back to work. I’ve stayed at home for too long, I think I have forgotten everything. Maybe going to work, and seeing new faces would help me go through the day. I don't have to sit at home all day waiting for Thomas.” “Yeah, that's right. It's a good plan.” “I’ll contact the HR of the real estate agency right away, I’m getting my position back.” “But do you think Thomas would like you to go back to work?” Angela asked. “Well for once I’d say I do not care what he thinks. I'm doing this.” "That's my girl.” She smiled. The night, still young and vibrant as I took my therapeutic walk down the road, gave me a sense of assurance that everything eventually would turn out well. The white lights on the lamppost reflected on my face and my shiny leather coat. The cool wind hit every edge of me and nudged the loose ends of my hair. I had decided to take the longer route home as I walked with my hands tucked in my coat. I wanted to gasp in the crisp evening breeze and let it saturate my lungs to clear off every grievance. There were few people on the street by the time I got closer home. Mostly in pairs, the ladies holding the arms of their man. I used to want that and still do. I wished to feel the love that they felt and maybe more. I could have sworn I had locked the door before leaving as I met the entrance door ajar as I got home. I had not called back the housekeepers and caretakers just yet. My already trembling hands pushed the door slowly as I walked in. Afraid of making a sound I took off my shoes and walked on the tiptoes. The living room was empty, and so was the kitchen and the rest of the rooms I reached out to. But there were still many floors to check. Just as I got closer, I could hear voices, more like murmurs and so I reduced my pace walking without pressing weight on my heels so I would not be heard. Clammy sweat seeped from my pores from my palms. Even with the cracks from my toes and my heavy breathing, the murmurs did not stop but appeared to increase in volume as I got closer. Its rhythmic tempo only made me curious as I scurried towards the bedroom entrance. I rested my back against the wall and my wandering mind raced but before I could settle for a self-answer to all my floating questions to what could be behind the door, I headed to the door pushing it open. “Thomas?!” Even with the dim lights, I knew the back of the man whom I had spent the last twenty years with. He laid above this girl riding her, with sweat dripping down his back. I should not be surprised but my jaws dropped in disbelief as if a jolt of current passed through my veins which left me stunned. I watched his heated nearly naked body defile our bed. Without a word, I fled the room.