Chapter 10

Justine crossed his arms on his chest and leered me with his usual stoic expression. I cannot read him, but judging on how he's acting towards me, I guess it's pretty safe to assume that he's certainly not happy with what I just did and what I said to him. What? Am I not right? 'That's the case if you're letting cowardice eat you up. How different we are to those infected zombies if we will also do the same thing that they're doing? They're like a predator hunting for their prey, and what you did a little earlier was no different from them," he explained as he followed me back to the base. I sighed and continued walking. 'Of course, there's a huge difference. They're not sane, okay? They don't even have the slightest idea of what they're doing. And what I did earlier was also for us, okay?" 'No, Clem. It's diff-' Having my limit has been put to the ultimate test, I stopped from walking and faced him. Seriously, what's wrong with him? I cut him off. 'Justine, animals are being killed even before this shit happened! Why are you being so obsessed with that deer and throwing tantrums at me? It's not like people haven't done it before! Stop being so hypocritical, won't you? It's not like you're a vegan or something," I replied in a high intonation, slowly losing my patience. 'Have you always been this selfish?" I paused for a while. I suddenly remembered when we were still in the cabin's house and when he told me that I wasn't selfish. Something in my heart throbbed for some reason, and the churning beneath my chest has grown more wider. It's not that I hate him for pointing that out to me, but something in my mind just hoped that he would at least understand my point… and that he would be at my side. But I guess, that wasn't the case. I smiled without any humor at all and lifted my gaze back to him. 'Yes, I am selfish. And I am so sorry for being like that. But I would also like to tell you this, just in case you forgot. Maybe you still haven't realized it, but we don't have any options left. Humanity doesn't exist in times like this, Justine. You kill to survive. And it's either you kill, or you get killed." With that, I left him and went back inside the base. I even encountered Peter on my way. 'Hey, Clem-" but I did not hear what he has to say next, because I walked past Peter, completely ignoring him. I have no idea why I am suddenly feeling the rage inside me, but I guess, I was just annoyed about the arguments between Justine, and I had a while ago. I placed the dead deer on a long table and stared at it for a little longer before I placed some plastic over it. I left it there and walked my way towards the bathroom. Inside, I washed away all my rage, negative feelings, and what Justine has said to me before. I am selfish. It hurts me that it came from him, and I cannot help myself but to feel disappointed. But I guess, this was also my fault for expecting from him that much. I heaved out a deep long sigh and continued washing myself. After that, I went back to the table, cleaned and prepped the deer, completely drifting my thoughts away into something else. An hour later, time flies fast like a driftwood catching fire. The sky was dark as I put a venison steak on the tiny campfire grill to cook and skewered some meat onto branches. I propped them above the fire and watched the flickering flames through my luminous and glowing eyes for a few minutes to make sure the meat would not end up being smoked and not burnt. The farmhouse not so far from us formed a windbreak, although the breeze had died down about an hour ago. Both Peter and Justine were sitting beside me as the three of us surrounded the fire, with no one from us talking. The silence was deafening and the only thing we could hear was the noise from the cold breeze of air, the rustling leaves from the trees and bushes around us, and the fireflies circling from the woods. Well, I am not mad at Justine. I was just kind of disappointed in him, and above all to myself, the reason I wasn't talking or saying anything. And I guess Justine was also disappointed at me seeing that he's ignoring me as well. As for Peter, I don't have any idea why he's not saying anything when he's usually the talkative type, but I guess, he sorts of sense that there's a little tension between Justine and me. I laughed in my mind realizing we shouldn't be treating each other like this in a middle of an apocalypse. This is so ridiculous. We didn't even fight. We just argued with each other, but we're ignoring each other like we fought really hard. Satisfied that everything was cooking properly, I sat down on a log and pulled my wooden sticks out of my zip lock. I flipped the steak over, absentmindedly keeping tabs on the noises in the surrounding trees and bushes as well as the scents when out of a sudden, one of my fingers has touched the fire, causing it to burn. 'Ouch!" I exclaimed, dropping the sticks as Justine went to me immediately. He went near me as he placed both his hands on my slightly burnt finger, taking a look at whether it was serious or not. My eyes widened, realizing how near he was to me. I was so startled by his sudden movement, that instead of focusing on my finger, I stared at him. He was looking at it with a serious expression etched on his face. But I could not read what's on his mind. Why is he doing this? And above all, why is my heart racing so fast like this? This ain't good! Peter on the other hand cleared his throat, grabbing my attention as well as Justine's. When he realized what he had just done, he immediately removed himself from me and went back to where he was. What was that? 'Do you both realize that you looked like the main characters in a zombie apocalypse movie?" Peter asked. 'Shut up!" Justine and I both said in unison which made me look at him. Oh, now what was that? We're both now in unison? Peter didn't say anything and smirked at us as he winced and get closer to us. I then looked at Peter and saw his expression which seems as if he's scrutinizing our attitude or the formed tension between me and Justine. Oh, Jesus Christ! I am just wishing that Peter would not let his talkative personality out right now in a moment like this because it's just so embarrassing and awkward. It's just not… damn it. It's not appropriate, okay? Bu then, all my wishes never go right, and Peter had to cross that fucking border. 'What's with the two of you?" he asked, his voice teasing. I rolled my eyes. 'There's nothing going on between us. So, would you mind checking on our little DIY steak and giving us some contribution?" I replied. Peter burst into laughter which made me more just annoyed. He exclaimed. 'I knew it! What did you two fights about?" I pressed my lips into thin lines ready to hit Peter directly on his face. And just I was about to do that, Justine spoke, making me look at him. This is the first time he talked. I mean, after we argued, I never even cast a glance to him anymore. He didn't even bother to attempt to talk to me. Although there are times earlier when I could see him from my peripheral vision that he would glance at me from time to time. I just… I don't know. I was so embarrassed that I don't have the slightest idea how I would face him after everything we'd talked about. 'We talked about you. Satisfied?" he replied in a monotone. Peter groaned. 'You can't fool me, man. I knew you two fought. Judging on your face and attitudes towards each other." 'No, we didn't. And it's true that we talked about you. Why don't you ask her instead?" Justine replied, now looking at me. I suddenly choked from my own saliva when he said that. Now, what? He's acting like we're really okay, huh? I let out a fake smile and diverted my attention to Peter who was now arching his brows at me. 'Yeah. Justine's right. We just talked about you, and how uptight you are," I replied. Peter rolled his eyes. 'And now I'm an uptight man, huh?" 'You really are!" I laughed, teasing him a bit. 'Justine's more uptight than me though." I agree. I almost said it out loud and I was thanking myself that I didn't I faced the burning fire between the three of us when Peter suddenly stood up from the ground. I frowned at him as I watched him shake off the dust particles from his lap. 'I'll just get more some skewers inside," he said. 'Ah! And more beer." What? Peter's going inside? He's leaving us both here? No thanks. I don't want to be left alone with this brute. As I was about to stand up as well to come along with him, Justine replied to him which made me stop from leaving. 'Yeah, man. That would be great." 'Yeah, right. I got you," Peter winked at Justine before he cast a look at me and smirked. Now what? I watched Peter's back as he went inside the base and his shadow completely vanished into the darkness. Of course, Justine and I were left here alone together, and I had no any other option but to endure and withstand the stretched awkwardness between us. The silence was beyond more stretch, so I just busied myself by grilling the marinated meat under the scorching fire. Then suddenly, Justine spoke. 'About earlier," he paused. I immediately looked at him and watched as he says something. 'I'm sorry," he apologized, making me shocked. He's actually… apologizing? 'You're right. I wasn't thinking. I wasn't in the right mind earlier. I wasn't sane," he continued. I didn't talk. I don't know. I am speechless. It seems like I was lost for words. I didn't even picture out that he would come and apologize to me like this. I mean, he's not entirely wrong, so… 'I just got into my emotions. Way back when I was young, my father used to hunt animals in the forest. I was seven at that time when he brought me along with him while he hunts for deer. He had an Alphine Shooter gun with him, and right in front of my eyes, was a deer who was running for her own life," he said. I pressed my lips into thin lines and let him share his story. 'I was scared, but at the same time, pretty oblivious to my surroundings. I was young," he nodded to himself. 'But then, Rodrigo, my father, positioned himself as if he was on a shooting range, he focused it on the running deer, his other left eye was closed, then a seconds later, he pulled the trigger." I was so shocked by what he just said. He licked his lips, his eyes were focused on the fire, and from the reflection of the scorching and blazing flames, I could see both the sadness and fears in his eyes. Suddenly, I felt so sad as well and guilty of what I did earlier. I looked down and played with my fingers. He let out a sigh. 'My father was a brutal man. When we got where the deer was, I noticed something weird. Something really… really weird." I lifted my gaze back to him and frowned. 'What do you mean?" I asked. He smirked, but I could see the sadness there. 'There was something bulgy in her stomach. And then I realized, it was because she was pregnant. She died while she was pregnant." I gasped. I put both my palms on my mouth. What? It was pregnant? Oh my, God! Poor deer! He nodded. 'Unfortunately, she died together with her unborn babies. It was sad, you know. I was young and I had to see that in front of me. It was enraging. But do you know what's more enraging?" he asked. I bit my lips. 'What?" I questioned him as I shook my head. He turned at me and stared at me directly in the eyes. It startled me. It caught me off guard. Every single time Justine does this, I never fail to be surprised. Okay, I'm fucked. I don't know why I am like this too. Maybe because of the way he stares at me. There's something in his eyes that makes you hypnotized. The way he looks at you, it's like he's scrutinizing thoroughly you and your soul. Justine sighed. 'What my dad has told me. He educated me about life, about killing, and above all, about humanity. That it was okay to kill them, those living animals if it'll benefit you. You know, he talked something about the fucking hierarchy and chains," he shrugged. I suddenly remember what I had told him earlier. I bit my lips feeling a little shame for myself. I hate his father for doing and saying that, but then I also hate myself, because, at some point, we quite shared the same perspective. I mean, yeah, it's wrong. His father was wrong. His father's approach was just not ethically and morally right in general. And if I was living in the normal, usual world, without this shit happening, I'd hate his father too. I would remorse him for that. But this apocalypse… this zombie outbreak made me realize a lot of things. That in times like this, there's no room for humanity anymore. You shouldn't even give a hundred percent of your trust to other people. And if you want to survive from this chaotic world, you need to do everything. Even if it's the exchange of breaking your own beliefs and principles. 'But I think you're personally right. What you've said earlier, it does make sense," Justine added as he smiled at me. I did not respond, and I just started at him. I… I don't know what to reply to. 'You knuckled some sense within me. So, I'm sorry if I called you names or hurt your feelings in any means," he continued. I raised my hands and waved them in front of him. 'No, it's okay. I understand why you've said that. I mean, if I grew with a father like that, I'd probably do or say the same thing. You don't have to apologize. And you're also right. I am brutal… and selfish. I admit that. That's one of my red flags," I laughed at what I said. He laughed too. 'No, you're not selfish. But I'd say it's true that you're pretty brutal." We burst into laughter because of that. I smiled genuinely as I looked back at the fire and continued grilling the meat. I suddenly remembered his story and now that I am seeing this poor deer that I've killed, I felt guilty. I don't want to continue this anymore, but at the same time, it's not like I could either bring it back alive. So, I ended up grilling it. Justine and I had talked about a lot of things. Or I'd say pretty random kinds of stuff that I realized we've pretty grown to know each other. For some reason, it felt like I already know him completely, even though I only knew a portion about him. He's happy to be with me, and I will never deny that somehow, I'm growing some attachment over him. We stayed there for a moment that we didn't even realize several minutes had passed and Peter still hasn't come back. I glanced at the door where he went to. I wonder where he did go. 'Peter's still not here," I said, my tone's laid with concern. Justine's forehead creased. 'I'll go check on him. You better stay here," he said. I shook my head. What? I don't want to stay here though. 'No, I'll come with you." He stared at me. 'Are you sure? You can stay here. It won't take a minute." 'No, let me go with you." 'O…kay. Sure, if you insist," he said, quite still unsure if he would like me to come with him. Just as we were about to stand up, the door swung open to the left, showing Peter, who was sweating profusely. I scowled. Why is he this way? And why does it appear that he lifted something? Peter was panting really hard when he ran towards us. 'Guys," he paused as he catches his breath. 'There's someone here. There were two of them." 'What?" I asked, shock. Justine went closer to him and held him on his shoulders. 'What do you mean by that?" 'They're on the main gate! There's a man and a blonde woman there outside the fence. They're still not infected."