Chapter 6

Ava's POV " stop! ' Ray pulled back, pushing me slightly in the process.He didn't kiss me back, he didn't want to. Oh no, what did I really expect, that things were different now? that he was a changed man? Honestly the word stop hurt me so much, the rejection stirred an unexplainable feeling deep down. To worsen it all, he wasn't even looking at me, he was staring right ahead, his face blank of any emotions. Could he not at least look at me even for one second.Was I that ugly for him to look at me. That pang in my chest grew brewing tears inside my stinging eyes. With a single blink of my eyes, the clear salty liquid flowed freely, rolling down on my cheeks.How could I forget I was just a maid and he was the son of my boss? For goddess sake, to him I was disgusting, to him I was nothing, to him I was just a useless good for nothing whore.He and his brother Bry had reminded me daily how pathetic I was. Not even once did they acknowledge me with respect let alone address me by my own name.It hurt me and yet I had no excuse whatsoever, I came onto him. At that time all I could think about was how big of a mess I had just made and how the hell I was going to get out of it. I had already told him a part of my story, a story that only Nate knew. Was I that blinded by stupid feelings to open up to him, my tormentor? Now he knew it and he was already rejecting me. I had given him more information to use against me, I should have never let my guard down at all.What was I thinking telling him about my mum and Nate? How could I have been so careless to tell him my story after everything he had put me through? Oh god, he was doing the same thing Nate did, except that his rejection hurt more than Nate's and we hadn't even had sex. What if he tells Bryson that I came onto him, goddess knows what his brother would do with that piece of info. The thought of Bryson finding out about what I just did was killing me. He would be so convinced now that I was even more promiscuous than he thought. It didn't matter if I had slept with Nate only, he would definitely twist the story to his satisfaction. I was sure that if he ever found out the taunting and insults would become worse. Ray was always the sensible one, but Bryson was pure evil. He would never give me space, he would make sure that everyone around him knew I was slutty. By now my body was numb, I didn't even feel the tears now and at that time I knew I had to ask Ray to leave. It had to be done, I needed to recollect myself and deal with the rejection."Ray, I'm so sorry for coming onto you like that. I really didn't think before doing it, I know now it was wrong of me to have tried kissing you.' I sniffled, wiping away my tears. 'I'm really sorry, but I'm going to ask you to leave now. I just want to go to sleep and forget about all this.' I continued. "And please Ray, don't tell Bryson, he will make my life a living hell. Please forget about the story of my life that I told you, please Ray." I begged, letting worry and a bit of fear slip in my voice. He didn't look at me, he just sat there unmoving. His body language gave no clue whatsoever to show that he had at least heard me. I was starting to think he never heard a thing I said, until he stood up.He made is way towards the door in a very tense posture. He turned the door knob briefly before dropping his hand and shaking his head. I could have sworn he was having second thoughts. However, in an instant, his right hand was on the door knob, twisting it urgently and without even sparing me a glance, he left. I collapsed on the carpeted floor, the moment the door clicked and closed behind him. Nothing at that time could stop the salty streams on my cheeks from flowing. Whatever numbness my body had adapted dissipated in a matter of seconds. I felt so lonely, so unworthy and totally useless. I had nobody to lean on and maybe that's why I blurted my pitiful story to Ray so fast. Been alone has never been an issue, I was already used to being all by myself. I was used to bottling my feelings and when I finally found someone to share my life story with he just upped and left.Yes it was my fault for trying to kiss him, it was also my fault for telling him my secret but now I wished I had someone to run to, I wished I at least had a friend I could talk to, I wished my mum was still alive. I cried for my pathetic lonely life, I cried for my stupid feelings for the two brothers, I cried for my former best friend, I cried for what I had become in a span of only 1 year. Minutes ago Ray had told me he wanted me. He said he didn't care about his parents threats, was it just an act? Was he lying before to make it easy for him to crush my happiness later? Of course all this was a part of their insults, it was a part of their sadist ways. I just failed to see it, feelings, fucking stupid feelings. I don't know how long I stayed on the floor, I didn't feel like checking the time. I just walked to my small bedroom, more like dragged my feet there. I just wanted to lie down on my bed. Face first I planted my body on the mattress.I refused to let my thoughts wander to what happened earlier. Instead I thought about my aunt, I thought about how she loved travelling and why she couldn't take me with her even once.I thought about why I disliked her and why I couldn't understand that she had a life and that I wasn't a part of it. I thought about how I looked so much like her and less like my mum.Mum had been older, born two years before auntie, but younger than my Uncle Rob. Rob was handsome, with a darker skin tone and freakishly tall. He looked like an older model, a sexy model. Ha ha what was wrong with me, thinking about my uncle in that way? Something was seriously wrong with me. But wait, he also looked nothing like my mum, in fact come to think of it mum didn't resemble any of the two. Rob and Auntie Eve looked so much like their parents but not mum, she looked so different. The difference was quite evident even with their parents. Nana Grace and Papa Michael didn't fail to show my mum how they hated her. They hated that she gave birth at a young age. Well I found it odd that my mother didn't fit in her family. But I chose not to dwell on it and soon I drifted to sleep, promising myself that the next day would be better. Ray's blank face is the last thing I saw before falling into slumber completely.