CHAPTER 15

'I'm okay mom. Just doing some thinking." 'You know baby, I could tell something's bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?" 'No not really. It's nothing actually." 'You've always been so private Evan. When are you going to open up and let someone in? Why you always have to be secretive?" 'That's just how I am mom. I don't like expressing myself and my feelings." 'Oh so this is about a woman?" 'Arrrggh!" I moaned and fell back on my bed, covering my face with my hands. 'Baby, by the look on your face, I know that you're trying to fight this feeling off because you don't want to let it happen but you can't fight love Evan. You'll lose." 'Mom, I can't let it happen. She's an employee. I don't know how someone could fall for their help." I removed my hands. Mom looked stunned. 'I was once your father's help. And look at us today," she said after a long pause. She left the room and left me in my thoughts. I opened my mini fridge and took out a beer. I didn't care if I had to drink these feelings away, I couldn't fall in love with her. I just couldn't. Jasmine's POV After work on Tuesday, I went to the hospital to see my mom. I walked slowly to the room she was held in. I hated hospitals. The scent of antibacterial cleaning products lingered in the halls and it always felt like the cold hands of death were reaching for me. I pushed in room fourteen and saw my mother laying down on the bed. Machines attached to her to help her breathe, mask over her nasal area to flow the oxygen to her nostrils so it can enter her lungs and a monitor beeping to indicate her heart beats per minute. She looked like she was asleep. Or dead. 'Mom, I'm here. I know you're slipping away from me and Zenia as the days go by but I'll do something to get that money so you can have a successful lungs transplant. I can't let you die knowing I've done absolutely nothing to save you. I don't care if I'll have to sell my body to make that money, I'll do it for you mommy." I buried my face at the side of my mother and I began crying bitterly. I hated seeing her like this. I hated the fact that she was slipping away further and more each day. I hated the fact that I didn't have the money to save her. I hated the guilty feeling that was creeping up on me and made me felt like this was somewhat my fault because I've let her down. I vowed to take care of her and I couldn't even do that. The door opened and a female doctor walked in. 'Good evening. Are you one of Mrs. Blackman's daughters?" 'Actually it's Miss. Blackman. My mother was never married. And yes I'm the eldest daughter." 'Thanks for that clarification. I have some news I should tell you no matter how hard it may be on you and the family." I braced myself for the awful news I knew she was coming with. 'Her situation hasn't changed since she got here. And everyday without the lungs transplant, is a day worse for her. She has exactly one month to live..or even less if the transplant can't be done, and there's a waiting list also. I wouldn't like to pull the plug on this woman. Isn't there anything you can do Miss. Blackman? Isn't there someone you can ask for the money? Isn't there a bank you can get a loan from or anything at all? Time is ticking." I began to cry again. My mind was blanked. I couldn't do anything for her. It would take months for me to save that money, maybe even a year or more. I don't know anyone with that amount of money who'll lend it to me so I can save my mother. The only business I did at my bank was withdrawals. I have no savings and no securities that would qualify me for an instant loan. I didn't know what to do. I can't sell myself to save her, although I did say that before. Mom would be so disappointed in me. She taught me self-respect and self-worth, I dare wouldn't go against that. I couldn't do anything but to watch her fade away from me and my sister. 'I'm sorry Miss. Blackman, I didn't mean to upset you so much," the doctor said again as she stood beside me and looked on. 'Would she wake up?" I asked through tears. 'I'm afraid she had been heavily sedated since she can't breathe on her own as she should. But she should be awake by tomorrow or the following day." 'Thank you doctor." 'Oh I'm Dr. Shannon by the way." 'Dr. Shannon," I repeated. 'I'll leave you now. If there're any changes, please push the nurse's button and we'll be here." I nodded yes and she left the room. I wiped my tears away, not taking my eyes off my mother. The tears were coming again and again. I looked up to the ceiling and said a silent prayer to the God I believe in.