Chapter 5: Nathan Decides to End the Relationship

The ball sailed through the air, its trajectory an exact parabola against the clear blue sky, before landing squarely on the placing green. Nathan Carter allowed himself a small smile of satisfaction, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Nice shot," his best friend, Alex, commented as they walked towards their golf carts. "Too bad your face looks like you're at a funeral instead of playing your best game in months." That's obvious," Nathan said with a sigh and a hand running through his hair. Alex clapped him on the shoulder. "Now, Nate, I've known since college that you're about as subtle as a freight train when something's eating at you. Spill." They reached their carts, but instead of getting in, Nathan leaned his body against his, his eyes fixed on the distant horizon. He hesitated for a split second, considering shrugging it off in some witty or glibly vague manner. But the thoughts were too heavy, and if he couldn't talk to his best friend, who could he talk to? "I've met someone," Nathan finally said in a barely audible voice. Alex's eyebrows probably shot way up at that. "Oh? And this someone isn't Sarah, I'm guessing?" Nathan shook his head, shame coloring his cheeks. "Her name's Olivia. She's. God, Alex, she's amazing. See, intelligent, with talent. Passionate. And with her, I just feel alive. well, more alive than the last few years, I mean." "But?" Alex prodded him impishly. "But I'm married," Nathan said, the words bitter in his mouth. "I have two beautiful daughters. A life I've spent years building. I'm scared to death to have it all flushed down the shitter. what? A feeling?" Alex went quiet to digest it for a moment before he could ask what was truly on his mind. "Do you love her? Olivia?" Nathan closed his eyes, and immediately Olivia's face was there. Her bright smile, her sort of eyes whenever she talked about her art, the feel of her in his arms. "Yes," he admitted, the word carrying the weight of inevitability. "God help me, I do." "And Sarah?" Alex asked, his voice scrupulously neutral. Nathan's chest was constricted. "I care for her. She's been the mother of my children and my partner for over a decade. But." "But it's not the same," Alex finished for him. Nathan felt himself blush suddenly at the flood of gratitude he had for his friend's understanding. "What the hell am I supposed to do, Alex? I feel like I'm being torn in two." He fell silent for quite a while, mulling things over. The furrows on his brows were evident now. He finally spoke, his voice softened but full of determination: "Nate, I can't tell you what to do. But I can tell you this: The path of least resistance isn't always the right one. Sometimes, the hardest choice is what we must do." Nathan looked at his friend with a mix of fear and hope in his eyes. "Would you say I should leave Sarah? Upend my whole life for a woman I've known for less than a year." "I think," said Alex carefully, "that you need to be honest with yourself about what you really want. And then you need to be brave enough to act on it, whatever that means." Nathan could feel the dizziness that swept over him with the numerous possibilities. A life with Olivia—full of thoughts, many passionate and adventure-filled. Then came the vision of the faces of his daughters and the pain and confusion they would have when he left. He thought of Sarah, standing with him through thick and thin. "I can't do it," he finally said, his voice breaking. "I can't destroy my family. I have to break it off with Olivia." Alex looked at him for a second-long moment, then nodded. "If that is the right thing to do, then yeah, I would be all for it. However, Nate, are you quite sure? Through my lens, it happens to look like you'll end up making the biggest mistake in your life." Nathan squared his shoulders, trying to project a confidence he didn't feel. "It's the right thing to do. For everyone." For the rest of the game, everything was a blur. Nathan's shots sprayed all over; his mind was a million miles away from the green. By the time they were finished, he had made up his mind. He would finish things with Olivia cleanly and decisively. It was the only way. Back home, big Nathan plotted to make this one final evening spent with Olivia memorable. He was able to quickly make reservations at her favorite restaurant and order her favorite flowers. If this was to be their last night together, he wanted it to be perfect. The sun had begun to set, casting long shadows into his study, where Nathan sat at his desk, staring at his phone. Olivia's number glowed on the tab on the screen, and his finger hovered over the call button. He thought of Olivia's laugh or the way her eyes lit up with excitement over something. He imagined the way she would see the world: full of color and possibility. And for a moment, he faltered in his resolve. He thought instead of his daughters about the life that he had given them. He could not throw it away. He could not just be like his father, always eager for the big thing next, without being content with what he had. Nathan drew in a deep breath, deep into his very being, and pressed the call button on his phone. Rang.ring.ring. On every ring, there seemed to be an endless lapse of time as his heart pounded within his rib cage. "Hello?" asked Olivia's voice, warm and a little bit breathless. "Nathan?" Nathan closed his eyes, savoring the intoxicating sound of her voice. "Hey, Olivia," he said, scrunching his nose, still trying to keep his voice light. I was thinking—are you free tonight? I'd like to take you to dinner." There was a pause, and Nathan could almost see the smile spreading across Olivia's face. "Dinner sounds lovely," she said. "What's the occasion?" Nathan's throat tightened. How was he going to tell her that this was their last goodbye? That by the night's end, he was going to walk away from the best thing that had ever happened to him? "No reason," he lied, the strain audible in his voice. "I just. want to see you." "Nathan, is everything okay?" Olivia asked, concern evident in her tone. "You sound strange." "All right," Nathan quickly assured. "I'll pick you up at seven, okay?" "Sure," Olivia responded very slowly. "I'll see you then." Nathan could feel a wave of despair sweep through him as he put the phone down. He was doing the right thing, right? His family and his responsibilities came first. But standing to prepare himself for the evening, Nathan had the nagging feeling he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life—that he was choosing safety over love and duty over passion. Nathan clumped away from the desk and out of his study. Preparing for the last time with Olivia. The last night he would ever really feel alive. Adjusting his tie in the mirror, Nathan tried to steel himself with the kind of resolve he would need to walk away from the woman he loved. But that little voice of reason kept whispering that maybe it wasn't going to be that easy. Sometimes the heart wanted what it wanted, no matter how much the head tried to set it straight. And Nathan's heart, despite his very best efforts, belonged irrevocably to Olivia.