The Nose-Hose Correlation

I would have believed him if he weren’t grinning like an idiot. ‘Go ahead,’ I said. ‘If you leave, I’ll just pick up random guys from the street. The cute barista was making eyes at me earlier. I bet I can put those large hands of his to good use. You know what they say, big nose, big hose. His nose is quite—’ Kieran pinched my lips shut with two fingers. He gnashed his teeth. ‘Where did you learn that?’ I shrugged. He guided my right hand to his nose. ‘Here, feel this. Is it big enough for you?’ My laughter was muffled by his hand over my mouth. He tossed two ten-dollar notes on the table and hauled me away. ‘Where are we going?’ ‘Someplace where I can show you the correlation between nose size and hose size.’ Three hours later, I lay in the lake-sized hotel bed, completely spent. Kieran proved his point thoroughly. He lay beside me, stroking my bare shoulder. ‘So?’ ‘So what?’ I could barely lift my head. ‘So, is your hose-nose hypothesis proven?’ I flipped him the bird. He chuckled a