Chapter 5 The Bitter-Sweet Experience

On Saturday morning, Beth awoke with a heavy heart to the sound of birds chirping on the tree outside her window. It was her father’s anniversary. She had always been very close to her father, and his absence left an unfillable void in her life. Filled with nostalgia from memories shared with her father, her mother called her phone, interrupting her nostalgic moments. “Good morning, Mom” She said as she answered the phone. “Good morning, Beth. How are you?” Amelia inquired with a flat voice. “How are you, Mom?” Beth questioned intentionally redirecting the question back to her mother. Her mother on the other end of the line, heaved a sigh, “it’s today” “I know, Mom.” Beth said. She didn’t like when it was near her father’s anniversary, it was a period often characterized by panic attacks, anxiety and of course increased nightmares. A flicker of surprise crossed Beth's face as Amelia spoke. "I, uh, was wondering if you'd like to go to the cemetery today," Amelia said hesitantly. "It's… well, it's been a while since we went together." Their visits to the cemetery were usually solitary affairs. Beth, still struggling with the loss, preferred to grieve in private. Amelia, burdened by unspoken guilt, found solace in quiet reflection. This year, however, there was a different tone in her mother's voice, a vulnerability that tugged at Beth's heartstrings. Without dwelling on the past awkwardness, Beth tilted her head in consideration. "Sure, Mom," she said gently. "That sounds… nice, actually. What time do you have in mind?" “Let’s do 12pm” Amelia said. “See you soon”. The silence of the pre-dawn was broken only by the clinking of Beth's spoon against her cereal bowl. Today was different. Today, a forgotten memory stirred, a yearning she hadn't dared indulge in years. Today, she would go to the beach where her father died. Beth drove, the rising sun painting the sky with streaks of orange and pink. The car finally came to a stop, the familiar scent of salt air and seaweed filling her lungs. It was the beach. The very same one where her world had fractured, leaving behind a jagged scar that time had never fully healed. Taking a deep breath, Beth stepped onto the sand. It was cool and damp beneath her bare feet, the rhythmic crash of the waves a lullaby of grief long-suppressed. Memories flooded back – her father's booming laugh, calloused hands holding hers, the warmth of his smile as they built sandcastles together. Tears began to roll down in her cheeks. This wasn't just sand and water; it was a battlefield of emotions. Here, she confronted the pain, the loss, the unanswered questions. This walk wasn't just a journey back in time, it was a step towards healing, a way to finally lay her father's memory to rest. In the afternoon, Beth met up with her mother at the local cemetery, where her father was laid to rest. Both Amelia and Beth hugged each other tightly basking in the embrace of words not said, crying and comforting each other . “He’d be so proud of you, you know?” Beth’s mother said breaking the silence that enveloped them. She continued amidst tears filled eyes “He’d be so proud of you and all that you’ve become. He loved you so so much” "Thank you so much, Mom. Thank you for the reassurance." "You are welcome, Beth, and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me. Amelia apologized to her daughter. "It's all right, Mom. I understand perfectly, it was hard on us all." "It really was Beth, it was. Let's go now, your father is definitely waiting for us." Amelia said in an attempt to lighten the mood. Beth cried even more, wishing that the pain would go away, wishing she didn’t loose her dad. Hand in hand they walked towards his tomb, Amelia handed over the fresh flowers she purchased to Beth. Beth placed the bouquet of fresh flowers on her father's grave and sat for a long while, lost in contemplation. By her Dad’s grave side, she poured out her heart in tears saying: “Dear, Daddy. It’s been twenty years of loneliness and agony since you've left us, since you've left me most especially. I miss you so much. Guess what? I went to the beach today, for the first time since you died, I gathered the strength and courage to go there today. It felt liberating, Dad. I felt somewhat lighter. One would think that with twenty years, the pain would go away but it’s still there. The dull ache still lingers everytime I think of you. I miss you so much, Daddy. I miss you so much, it hurts. I am comforted by the fact that you are with me today and always. I promise to live a life that would honour your legacy, I promise to be the girl you would be proud of. I love you today, tomorrow, always and forever!!! Later that day, Beth's boss, Louis, surprised her with a visit at her apartment. “Hi. What do you want?” Beth asked Louis, genuinely surprised to see him on her porch. “I know it’s your father’s anniversary today” He had heard about her father's passing and wanted to offer his condolences. Beth was initially hesitant to let him in, but something in his eyes convinced her to open the door.” Come in”. She moved from the door so he could come into the house. As they sat down in her living room, Louis took Beth's hands in his and expressed his deepest sympathies. ”I remember how much your father meant to you, it would be totally insensitive for me not to express my sympathies". “Thank you, Louis.” Beth responded feeling really grateful. “I didn’t know your Dad personally, but you had many nice and lovely stories to say of him when we were growing up. I’m really sorry for your loss.” “Thank you so much, Louis” Beth croaked out. It meant a lot to her to know that Louis cared about her well-being. As they talked, Beth found herself drawn to Louis' warmth and compassion. He listened intently to her stories about her father and offered words of comfort and encouragement. Gradually, the atmosphere in the room shifted from one of sadness to one of intimacy. Before Beth knew what was happening, Louis leaned in and kissed her. She was surprised at first, but she couldn't deny the attraction she felt towards him. They kissed again, this time with more passion. As the kiss deepened, Beth felt a surge of desire coursing through her body. She had never felt this way about anyone before except Louis who was her boss, he was also a kind and caring man who had shown her a side of himself that she had never seen before. In that moment, Beth decided to let go of her inhibitions. She reached up and unbuttoned Louis' shirt, her fingers trembling slightly. He returned her embrace, his hands gently exploring her body. And so, on the anniversary of her father's passing, Beth found solace and passion in the arms of her boss. It was a bitter-sweet experience, but it was also a moment of profound connection and healing.