Chapter 1

　　It was late at night and it was raining heavily outside. I curled up on the sofa, staring at the wall clock in a daze. 　　My husband and I will be celebrating our wedding anniversary tonight. I sent him a text message to remind him to come home early. I made dinner for two and even put on a newly bought lingerie. It was already past 11:00 and he hasn’t come home yet. 　　What if he doesn’t come home? 　　I twitched my nose at the thought and was about to get up when, suddenly, the door knocked open. 　　"Were you waiting for me?" Xavier asked as he grabbed my wrist forcefully and pressed his whole body on me as his breath, reeking of alcohol, rushed toward my face. 　　I was stunned by his drunkenness, but I forced myself to stand firm, "Xavier, today is our wedding anniversary..." 　　"It's also the day of Rachelle's death!" Xavier interrupted me, his scarlet eyes glaring back. 　　He forcibly clasped my shoulders and pinched his nails into my skin, staring at me, "Yasmin, you took a human life. How can you feel at ease as if nothing happened?" 　　I took a human life? My vision began to blur, tears threatening to fall. 　　Three years ago at my best friend Rachelle Xiang’s birthday party, Xavier drank too much. He ran into me and forced himself onto me. Rachelle saw us and she committed suicide. From then on, Xavier blamed me for what happened to her. He then married me and forced me to atone for my sins. 　　For the past three years, I’ve been pleading my innocence over and over but he wouldn’t listen to me. 　　While in a daze, Xavier suddenly lifted me and threw me onto the sofa. Then, his body crawled up on top of me. 　　"Don't..." I protested, struggling in fear. 　　"Who do you think you are to say no to me?" Xavier sneered, his scarlet eyes filled with hatred and anger. He lifted my leg and fiercely penetrated me. 　　My body was so dry and it was painful, but when I met Xavier's indifferent stare, him tearing through my body sent chills down my spine. 　　During the three years of our marriage, Xavier would always want me only after drinking. He didn't know that I loved him even before he hated me, even before Rachelle loved him. 　　"Xavier, I'll explain it one last time. It was you who violated me and Rachelle was the one who killed herself. Can’t you face it like a man? Is it fun for you to retaliate against me like this?" 　　I endured the pain I was feeling. Every time I say a word, the pain worsened. 　　"What do you know about being a man?" Xavier's anger deepened, then he pushed harder and almost knocked me through. 　　There was almost a stubborn madness hidden in his cold eyes as he spoke, "If it isn’t because of a guilty conscience, then why have you been with me these past three years? Isn’t it because you feel guilty? Yasmin, do you think I am stupid?" 　　Tonight, Xavier was extremely fierce, and he only stopped and let me go at 2:00 in the morning. 　　At the end of the day, my legs were shaking and I was sweating all over, but Xavier tidied himself up slowly and said without raising his head, "Yasmin, aren’t you forgetting something?" 　　I was confused for a moment, and then I realized it. I expressionlessly took out the contraceptive pill from the bedside table and popped a pill into my mouth. 　　He wanted to feel good and hurt me, so he refused to wear a condom. He didn't let me get pregnant or let me have a chance to be the one in control. 　　During the past three years, I have long been accustomed to the bitterness of this medicine. 　　Staring at me after taking the medicine, Xavier donned on his coat and he walked away. 　　As I stared at his retreating back, a sense of powerlessness surged through me. 　　After three years, I thought I would be able to warm his heart, but it seems that his heart is as hard as a rock. No matter how soft my love is, there will never be a gap for me to squeeze in. 　　I’ve had enough. I don't want to continue like this anymore! 　　My sticky palms squeezed the sheets under me, and I shouted hoarsely, "Xavier, let's get a divorce!"