Chapter 15 She had enough

Chapter 15 Find me in your heart I no longer knew how I got to the point that I had already entered the hospital door, gasping for breath from running. Maybe Zoe drove me, or I was the one driving, or maybe I just really ran down the road. I ran to find the room where Joaquin was. This is impossible. It was so impossible, and I can t imagine what probably happened to take the man to the hospital. "Why? What happened to Joaquin?"" ""Iha, he. . . He tried. . ." "He tried what, Tita?" I was trembling in anticipation. She could hardly breathe yet, so she could not say the reason. "He tried doing it, Alessia." I swallowed a few more times. If I m thinking right now, I should hurry to go to him. "He tried to kill himself." Those words seemed to be a signal to me to make run like that. Shit, what were you thinking, Joaquin? It was a few minutes before I could find that room, and I was not disappointed. After a while, I clearly saw the room number on the front door. "Let s just avoid the things that can trigger him. And please, don t leave him alone. One more thing, he shouldn t be too stressed. Let s avoid that. It s good that you brought him here right away," the doctor said I waited for the doctor to come out, then decided to enter to greet Joaquin s mommy with a hug. "I don t know, Iha. I don t really know why he did that? I was about to tell him to have a snack after I went upstairs. . ." Joaquin s mother just kept sobbing, and I could hardly even look at him. "I went upstairs, and then I couldn t open her room. I knocked on it a few times, Alessia. Then I felt a bit strange, so I asked Anna for the key, and. . . This, we. . . we have come to. . . " Her sobbing grew louder. The fear and heaviness of heart were evident. I tried to encourage the woman by stroking her back. I m not sure if it s effective, but it s the only thing I can do so far. Not even everything enters my system. "I was so shocked. His room was messy, blood was flowing on the floor, his hair was messy, and he was unconscious." I couldn t stop the woman from breaking down again. "Come home, Tita. You should come home. He doesn t want to see you like that when he wakes up." Later, the lady settled down and then called the driver because she said she had to go home to get Joaquin s belongings and get groceries. When there were only two of us left, I carefully examined Joaquin, who was asleep. It s still him. The man I loved, just like before. I wiped away the tears that escaped my eyes. Staring at him like this makes me miss him more. I really miss him. I really miss those times when I was like a princess without a kingdom, a princess she took care of. I remember there wasn t a day that he didn t say, "Alessia, I m lucky because I have you. I m lucky every day because you still choose to be with me." I no longer know where that luck has gone, you say, Jo. I don t know what happened and what kind of punishment I had to receive just because I loved you. I really miss those days when we won t meet, but you will call me on the cellphone, or maybe you will make a video call to me. Until we sleep, Dear, isn t it? And in the morning, you ll be awake on the other line, waiting for me to wake up. You ll smile when you see me wake up and say, "Good morning, dear. Thank you for waking up. I ve been given another day to love you so much." That words will open up to me. But I forgot as well. It s been a long time, and maybe it s been a year since you changed the way you treated me. It can be missed, but there are things we really should be more accepting of because otherwise, we will just be ruined over and over again. I caught the attention of the man s bandaged arm, close to his wrist. "I can t imagine why you did that." I remember our last conversation, also about three days ago. That was when I saw him with a woman on campus. I thought now that I should stop doubting him as well. If love is indeed a sacrifice, maybe I will sacrifice myself first so that everything will be fine. It used to be good, eh. It just got messy when I seemed to get used to his dynamic. My phone vibrated, and the name "Asher" popped up, "Be safe. Take care," he said. I immediately remembered what we had been arguing about before, that he didn t want me to talk to other men. I know Joaquin. He just wants all the attention to go to him. Because his parents spoiled him so much, and I understood that. I just understood. There is nothing I can do right now. I took out my sim card from the cellphone and then cut it off. Sorry, Asher. Maybe if not now, maybe we ll still meet in the coming years. You have been a good friend to be—a good listener, really, and I am very grateful for that. I took a deep breath. I just hope he doesn t get angry because I just suddenly disappeared. Hopefully, if the circumstances give us a chance to meet in the coming years, he ll remain the same. . . happy and warm. "What are you doing, Love?" I was overwhelmed when someone spoke, happy not to have to worry and wait long because the man had woken up. "I just threw away my Simcard—" I witnessed his small smile. "—I ll just buy a new one." He was even able to sit up even with a streak of weakness. "So, meaning, you won t be texting that Asher again?" My jaw dropped immediately. I m right. To this day, he still thinks that way. "Really, Joaquin? Did you just cut your wrist for that? It s just because I can t talk to him anymore?" "You re just mine, Alessia." Unlike before, instead of being thrilled and pleased with what the man said, I just sighed and quickly sat down next to the man. I struggled to fit myself into the small space next to him. "There s never a day that I haven t been with you," I replied, ignoring how my chest tightened. I even got a hug from Joaquin, but this time, it felt different because I had nothing else to feel but the pain. "Let s start again, Love?" Just one look at me. I know what will happen next. I know I keep coming back to the prison, and I never know if I can leave. * * * * * "He s supposed to pick you up? Are you sure?" Zoe asked after our last subject. I nodded. I just accepted it because I knew she still couldn t believe it after telling the whole story with persuasion. "Are you really the one he ll pick up? Or maybe. . . another woman from here?" Ever since I know that Zoe no longer agrees with my relationship with Joaquin, so I am very grateful for her respect for my every action and decision. "I don t know, but he said that when he was in the hospital, we would start again," I said reluctantly as I gathered all my things to put in the locker. Joaquin told me he was already in the parking lot and waiting, but I ll admit I don t seem excited about it. I know that what happened before will be repeated. I ll bet more for that. "Me, if I m the only one in your position? I ll just be collecting men instead of enduring that! You re so nice and beautiful. What a waste!" I ignored what the friend had said and just walked towards the parking lot. I hadn t been able to get in completely when a car stopped in front of Zoe and me. A BMW! Maybe we re the same as Zoe thinks, so thrilled that she pinched me. "Sis, I told you, eh. There s another man for you." Her lively voice immediately became weak and lethargic when we saw Joaquin come out of the car. "Hi, Zoe. Hi, love." He turned to the two of us and then handed me a bouquet of Sunflowers. The flowers immediately caught my attention, so I sparingly smiled at her. I said goodbye to Zoe, whose face was still very pale from what she saw. I was helped into Joaquin s car, and then he pulled it away. "Whose car is this?" Yes, I know. I am a fool for asking that. But because buying expensive cars like this, we are still in college, is such a waste of money! "To me," he shrugged. "To us. What, did you like it?" I averted my eyes. I never really liked his decisions. He s 19, but if he decides, it s like he s taking all these lightly. Maybe he has a different lifestyle, but the waste of money was still not justified even though he still has many other cars. I d better just keep quiet the whole trip. Why else would I tell him about this? I knew he wouldn t listen after all. I know he won t just give up, either. When we arrived at their house, her mommy greeted me immediately, and it was no longer normal. They are trying to make a scene here. They were as if pretending that nothing had happened. "Alessia," her mother said. She approached and kissed me. "Hello, Tita." I tried to act nice even though I no longer liked what was happening. I wanted to speak, but I was scared. I want to express my feelings and understand what I want to do, but I am afraid of the consequences. He invited us to dinner, so we all went straight inside. What I feel is becoming increasingly clear to me. My love for Joaquin is already overshadowed by pain. It seems like no matter what they do, and they will never get me back. Everything is clear to me. By seeing them act like this, I seem afraid that the longer I prolong it, the more I may be imprisoned. I have to make way. I shouldn t let myself be confined to something that I was initially just not sure about. And I m the loser. * * * * * I reluctantly obeyed my friend when she forced me to go to a popular club in BGC — Sweet Heavens. According to her, it was his cousin Eugene s birthday, so he had no choice but to go. Well, the woman also really wanted to go for all I knew, so I just laughed and followed. I still haven t received a text from Joaquin. Zoe still had to park where the car was, so I said I would go inside first. Something is bothering me, and I think something bad is going to happen. I tried to take out my cellphone as I walked in. I typed a message for Joaquin thinking that he might even remember to text before the three women I didn t even know stopped in front of me. For the first few seconds, I just blinked at them. They blocked my path, so I could not go inside. I wanted to ask them what was the problem or what they needed, but I was stunned by the look of a familiar woman in the middle. How can I forget her? How could I forget this if I had already seen the woman kissing Joaquin in a public place? I clenched my fist in excessive restraint. Even though I want to ask why she did that or even tried to slap the woman lightly, I am engulfing my system with inexplicable fear and want to get away from it. I stepped my feet away, but the woman on the left just blocked me. "You re Alessia, right?" I won t let go of these three, I whispered in my mind. If the women were to attack me, I would not use my hand to protect myself from their blows because I would fight back. "I am Alessia. Why?" The woman in the middle looked at her two companions and motioned them to move away from a little before facing me. "Alessia, I need to tell you something." I covered my mouth. The truth is, since I ve had no appetite and seem to be fainting, I m nervous about what s going to happen. I know that almost everything I thought was coming true. I know something bad is going to happen tonight. At the same time, my anger for Joaquin is also eating my system away. "Ellise. . ." I said in a low voice. I didn t expect this move to follow. She took my hands and held them tightly, to my surprise. A change of heart? Does she have another plan? Or has a problem occurred? "What happened?" I laughed. My voice was hoarse because of thoughts. "I know that I needed to tell you this–" "Alessia!" At the same time, we turned to Zoe, who looked dark approaching. She also knows Ellise, so I m sure the friend s mad at what she saw. She immediately pulled me away from the women there before speaking boldly. "Hey! What else do you need from Alessia? What exactly are you doing here? Aren t you addicted to Joaquin s attention? Why don t you just stick to that fucking man?" Zoe didn t give Ellise another chance to speak nor any of her friends. She quickly pulled me inside the place, even though I felt curious about what the woman would say.