Chapter 13 Five years ago

Chapter 13 Find me in your heart Five years ago, College A dream. . . dream as Asher became really proud of it. Dreams that he always describes as something we want to achieve or reach that we are striving for. He always says that every person has a different mindset, so we have his or her dreams in life. Dreams that serve as one of our inspirations for why we are determined and work hard at what we do. The dream is hard to achieve but you will surely reach the dream if you yourself have the perseverance and effort. Our parents back then often tell us to study hard because education is the only wealth that can be inherited that no one else can get. Education is the only inheritance that can be inherited that no one else can get. Education has no choice of age and state of living. It can also be a way for us to achieve our dreams. Maybe with education, we can better see the path to our dream. Education will also shape a person to be ready and prepared to achieve our dreams. Education also intensifies a person s knowledge so that he can fully see the things that a person will pursue in achieving his dreams. "So while we still have time, let s make the most of the learning opportunities. We will study hard if we want to reach our desired dreams. Another thing that can be the key or way to achieve dreams is the right decision in life. Every human being is endowed with the right mind and wisdom. Wisdom is used to make the right decisions in life. Decision -making in life can also lead a person to desired dreams. Everything that happens in a person s life is mostly caused by decision making. So the decision-making is not a joke. Don t make jokes about things and situations because the wrong decision can affect your future. . . We need to dream and aspire big." Life is—indeed—a journey full of bitterness, sacrifice, grief, happiness and hope. We interpret life as a wheel that is sometimes on top, sometimes on the bottom. That wheel cannot travel on a road that is only gentle towards its destination. Because it is expected that we will experience an uneven road that will test our resilience. Like a wheel, our lives will also face various trials that we do not know what kind of road is waiting to be traversed. It may be mild at first, then become uneven later. there is only one thing we hold on to, we control our lives no matter what trials we face. But in life. . . does my dream really matter? If they don t disappear. . . will I also have something I would love to do? Thing I am passionate about and I wanted to achieve? "I saw you on the tricycle earlier." My phone continued to ring as I saw a peek of a message from Asher. In recent days I have not seen any other message but from him. "Is that so? Didn t see you, hehe," I replied. "Who s that again!?" it s raining with me now, Joaquin, my boyfriend. Very jealous indeed. Everything is forbidden. Not even my breathing is forbidden here. "It s Asher–" "That Asher again? I told you already, right? Block that asshole!" We frowned at the same time. I know the man is annoyed, but I am more annoyed with his actions, especially since we are not the only two in the area. "And why would I do that, Jo? The man was just making friends then–" I tried to think of another reason. "-She s a friend of my friend too, Yna!" I shook my head, then bite into the doughnut we ordered. "Block what? I don t hear anything else!" "You re being unreasonable! That s annoying." I preferred to say it louder but not too loud because people around might hear it. "Alessia. When did you learn to answer me that way?!" I felt his sudden annoyance. He slowly lowered the cutlery and faced me. Op-too late. I m leaving. "You know what, I hate you." I spent the day holding my cellphone. Often on Facebook, texting, and playing. I don t want to think about the argument Joaquin, and I left earlier. That s too much. I don t know that I can t make friends with others anymore? I love Jo, and I never thought of leaving or even letting him go. His family is kind to me. The only problem is their child, Joaquin. I can t even count how many times I got caught with his girls. There are in the park, in the hotel, in the restaurant, and even in the comfort room of public places. That s why, every time that happens, that s when his family forces me not to leave him. "Alessia, maybe you can give him another chance. Jo will change. And one more thing, don t you love him anymore?" His mom asked me a serious question when I once caught him with Ellise at a bar in BGC—making out— for Pete s sake. "I love Joaquin, Tita-" "That s it, eh. Oh, anyway, let him come here to the house, and I ll cook your favorite." I nodded even reluctantly, well accustomed to what was always going on. "Alessia, thank you, huh? I know it s hard to get along with my son, but I know you re the only one who can tolerate his behavior. So I hope you don t get tired." And that has been the system of our relationship. He will flirt with another woman, and then when I get caught, I will give him another chance. "What are you doing?" Another text from Asher woke me up from my day s sleep. To: Asher Just woke up. "Did you wake up to my text?" Oh well, maybe there s a hidden camera here in my room, so he found out. I immediately laughed to myself at the thought. To: Asher Yup! "Have a snack." I haven t replied yet when the doorbell is already ringing, so I d better take a look first. "Alessia, I m sorry. . . I don t want to shout at you–" I stared at him, so what he was saying was interrupted. "I miss you." His lips covered mine, which is why we almost hit the door, but that didn t stop him. His kisses went down my neck, and he s back with his bullshit— again. I tried to stop him, but he didn t seem to hear. "Joaquin, stop that." My head could only move because of the force on top of me now. He blocks even my hands. I immediately felt nervous. "Joaquin! Stop, stop!" That shout almost muffled my voice, but he didn t seem to hear anything. He lowered my trembling body on the sofa. This can t be. "Fuck! Joaquin, heck! Shit! I said stop!" I never again blocked the tears that had been threatening to come out of my eyes. I was so grateful when he stopped it. Shocked and out of breath. That s why I sobbed even louder. "Shit, Alessia. . . I m sorry. . . I didn t really mean to–" "GET OUT." I cut off what he was saying with a cold voice. "I got tempted. I miss you. Love. I really-" "I SAID GET OUT, YOU STUPID!" I just thanked him, and he listened, then left. No. There is no way he can get from me what he gets from another woman. The next morning, I m just tired of drowning myself in thoughts. She s right, and it s not really good in the middle of this class. My brain flies everywhere. "What is the problem?" I just kept quiet. One more thing, I don t really know what the problem is. I don t know where to start in case I have to tell a story. "Is it Joaquin again? Why? You, ha." She teased. "I notice. It looks like you re addicted to that Joaquin. If he is just drugs, I m sure you were diagnosed a long time ago!" I fired at Zoe for what she was saying. "Stupid, you re OA." We giggled at the same time, even though we were out of place. Zoe will always be a part of me. Even though she s a bit overwhelmed, I know she s a good friend. She knows what s best for me. I have proved that already. "Because there are so many other boys! Especially here on campus. You re pushing yourself with a man whose school is far away." I know for myself that distance will never be an obstacle to love. That s why it s different from Joaquin. I find it hard to be independent of what to act and do because I know his parents, their family will always interfere. I m probably indebted to them because they ve been my guardian since I came here to Manila. My family was left in the province. So even though I want to loosen up and let go, I definitely can t either. "Are you at school now? Be careful." I automatically smiled at the message I read, and it was probably from Asher. "Ah, wow! My sister s splendor. Be careful! Who is that? I know, that s not Joaquin." I turned to Zoe. "And how come you said it wasn t Joaquin?" She laughed at me, so that s how I sniffed. "Eh, you re not being told to be careful." "You know, it hurts." I typed what I could reply to Asher, and in the end, I only replied, "You too". I can t be that clingy. I can t do the things he can think of maliciously. Somehow, I have a boyfriend, and maybe, he also has a girlfriend. "So who is that, huh?" Zoe would be teasing me for almost two hours. She doesn t believe me every time I say I don t know, even though I don t really know. He s like those random guys who need friends on texting? Something like that. "Look, Zoe. I really don t know. He just told me he met me because of a friend. That s it. Simple as that." She nodded. "Haven t you met in person yet?" I tilted my head. Not yet, and maybe not really. Even after weeks of texting, he still doesn t say anything, so I don t know. Another, I just feel like I m an awkward person. Then just in case, Joaquin doesn t like that either, maybe don t do it first. The class ended without me being aware of the time. I don t know if I m really just floating the whole time, or maybe it s just because of Zoe zs loudness. Then I got off immediately. It would be hard during rush hour, especially with our commuters. I was walking down the stairs when I saw Joaquin in the campus parking lot. And as usual, there was another woman he was talking to. I thought I was the reason he came here. As if no one noticed, I accelerated my walk, but our eyes still landed on each other, so he approached me immediately. "Alessia, it s not what you think. . ."