Chapter 16 : Involvement

After what seemed like forever under his crushing weight, he propped himself up on his hands, staring down at me with wide, sated eyes. One of his fingertips brushed my hair from my face. Unusual warmth resonated in those honey depths I could never truly see in his human skin. He would have never let me in before. His glossy black hair hung past his shoulders, curved horns extending from between locks of hair. I reached up, caressing his horns, somewhat surprised he was letting me touch them. A beautiful shade of burnt umber. Unique patterns that looked more like carvings on stone than the natural groove of keratin rippling a ram's horns. Stroking the unique patterns, I murmured, "What do these symbols mean?" He hummed, vibrating against me before he answered, "It's a label, a branding of who I am and where I serve. It's in Primordial Speak." "Tell me about it," I asked, taking comfort in the crook of his arm. The corner of his mouth curled up. "Curious? Aren't we, pet?" "Indulge me," I requested. He tilted his head to the side, the gears turning in his head as if he was thinking of the easiest way to explain it to me. "When I fell, my wings turned black. Horns sprouted from my head. Branding me as an abomination. Punishment for the rebellion." I nodded, observing how his elegant throat bobbed. "It was an act of cruelty." "More like a father spanking his misbehaved sons," Asmodeus replied calmly. It felt like time had frozen around us. Nothing else seemed to matter. All hunger felt sated and we were relaxed. His scent infiltrated all of my senses, intoxicating me like a drug. I thought he seemed powerful before, but freshly fed, in his celestial form, he looked like a God. Glowing with insurmountable power. I couldn't get enough of how it tasted. I drew my fingers down his horns to his stubbly jaw. I gently brought his head down for another kiss. Lazy. Not much more than brushing our mouths together. Breathing into each other's faces. Enjoying the warmth and softness. Tasting the potent authority ruminating from him, feeling as natural as gravity. I found comfort in it. I felt like I could almost understand him. But for the most part, he was still a mystery. A mystery I would gladly spend the rest of my life trying to decipher. We kissed, enjoying the intimacy. His eyes fluttered closed and he pulled me into a sitting position. I pushed myself against his chest, allowing myself to feel protected in the arms of a monster. That's what he was. A monster. But my monster. His darkness was what I liked the most about him. The gentleness of feeling him, leaning into him, embracing his real skin…didn't feel like ours. It felt stolen. We were violent and ravenous. Not lovers. We would never be lovers. We were addicts, infatuated with the taste of power. But for now, I could pretend to be a lover. His wings curled around us like a blanket, eclipsing my nakedness. Thick and black, enveloping me with a comfortable warmth. I felt revived. Reborn into fresh skin. I combed my fingers through his knotted hair, working out the knots in a way that felt way too intimate for us. But he let me. Warmth bloomed in my chest as he leaned into my hand. Relaxing in my hold. He blinked slowly, amber irises back to normal. His eyebrows furrowed as something caught his eye. He pulled back from me, reaching between us to bring my bruised wrist into his vision. He curled his fingers around the injury, even if I couldn't feel it anymore. Perhaps Asmodeus never really healed me, but he was the most potent painkiller. He was my escape. My morphine drip. He would always be a sugar-coated pill, pulling me under, deeper into the darkness, making me forget about all the fucked up shit in my reality. And just like that, the spell between us was broken. Time had started again. Our comfortable bubble full of gentle touches and intimacy had popped. I had forgotten it. The bruise. I pulled my hand out of his grip, tucking it into my lap. His massive body shadowed mine, shielding me from the fluorescents. Keeping me in the dark. Where I wanted to be. "Who touched you?" he asked, thinly veiled violence in his tone. He folded his wings behind his back, and the light touched me again. Light should make me warm, but it didn't. There was no heat without his touch. "It's nothing," I replied. "Not important right now." I got to my feet, my hips aching deliciously from what just happened. I ignored the discomfort, getting dressed back in my tacky touristy clothes. Asmodeus stood up, towering over me, still comfortably naked. I'd be a liar if I didn't enjoy everything about his bare skin. "Who touched you, Adira?" I shrugged. "I told you my life had gone to shit. Not only are the cops looking for me, but when I stood up to my manager, he decided to withhold my paycheck until I fucked him. He grabbed me to make a point, but I managed to get out." Dead silence fell between us. I would have thought he disappeared if I couldn't feel his breath scalding the back of my neck. Slowly turning around, I pulled the hoodie over my head. His eyes blazed and there was no mistaking the fury brewing in them. "Why do you care? You got what you wanted from me." He didn't say anything. But at the same time, his silence told me a million conflicting things. "I came here because I needed your help." Finally, his thick gravelly voice washed over me again. "I can't help you." "Can't or won't?" I retorted. Distance formed between us. Not just physically, but like he was purposefully trying to hide from me. Mask his reactions, but without his human face, I could see everything he felt spelled out clearly on his face. "Don't hide from me," I warned, trying to close the gap, but the closer I got, the deeper he went. His upper lip curled into a snarl. He stepped around me with all the gant of a trained predator. Waiting to pounce. "You don't make demands of me, pet." Like a step forward and a thousand steps back. Like we were in my room again and he was an apparition using me. A creature I knew close to nothing about, but now I did. I knew his name. I knew his affliction. "Why didn't you feed on anyone else?" I asked. He narrowed his eyes. "You're not special, Adira. What makes you think I didn't?" Crossing my arms, I approached him with vehemence. He infuriated me. "The exhaustion on your face at the beach. You thought the rain would hide it, but it didn't. If you fed elsewhere…then you wouldn't have dark circles under your eyes." "I hate the rain," he stated suddenly. "What?" "The rain. I hate it. I have a real distaste for water," he continued. "I've grown so used to indulging my hunger, nothing has satisfied me. Imagine a sip of water when you're parched. You though…you're a fucking torrential downpour." I stopped closing in on him, but he never stopped circling me. Nothing kind about how his mouth tilted downwards. Blazing in his eyes. "Is that what you want to hear, pet? That you satisfy me? That your taste doesn't compare to any other's?" I gulped hard because it was exactly what I wanted. "I feel your desire. I can feel how badly you want that to be true. How you want me to bow, bend to you. You forget who I am. You forget I would never want a mortal. Never want you." His words drove a dagger exactly where it hurt the most. Not even his words. His lies were carefully tailored to hurt me. I ground my teeth together, folding my arms over my chest in an attempt to cover the open wound bleeding from my chest. "Why won't you help me?" Between his teeth he said, "I can't involve myself in human problems." What a load of shit. I'd read about him. Read about all the times he broke truces and caused wars for the fun of it. How he masqueraded as a king for the sole purpose of enjoying the king's wives. "That's not an answer. You had no problem involving yourself in me when it suits you," I retorted. "It's not like you made it difficult," he retorted. The rage that had become as warm as a familiar friend fired to life again. "Are you calling me easy?" He exhaled through his nose. An exhausted huff. "That's beside the point." The sigh leaving his lips instantly made him seem much, much older. "You don't understand. I couldn't help you even if I wanted to. When you invoked me, you brought eyes here. On yourself. The more I get involved, the more likely my brothers are to make the connection and take you for their revenge." "Revenge?" I echoed. "For what?" He lowered his head toward me. "I'm not supposed to be in the mortal realm, Adira." "Why not?" "I don't owe you answers," he snarled, getting visibly angry. "What you need to know is they will drag you into Hell. Bleed your dry before suspending you into eternal life to do it again and again." My eyes slowly widened when I noticed the small flicker of fear dance across his eyes. So subtle, I could have imagined it, but I knew I didn't. He was afraid. For me. "That's why you left me on the beach, isn't it?" I asked. He didn't answer, a tick forming in his sharp jaw. His silence encouraged me to continue. "They can't know you care about me. Feeding and fucking is one thing, but caring…that's a whole other thing." Asmodeus drew away from me, morphing back into his human form. Putting the mask back on. Proving truth in my words. He was getting dangerously close to giving everything away. He needed to hide. The coward. He didn't look at me, throwing a scoff over his shoulder. "I don't care about you, Adira. I'm a Prince of Hell. Who are you? A broken mortal. How could I possibly care about you?" I crossed my arms. "I'm really tired of people calling me broken." I hissed a breath between my teeth. "That's it then? Over because you say so? After everything you've put me through? How you've…changed me…" He squared his shoulders, turning around. Not nearly as tall as his celestial form, but just as intimidating. His elegant throat bobbed once, surprise peeking through the cracks in his mask. But he covered it back up before I could use it for my answers. "It is over. Everything else doesn't concern me. You're a pathetic little mortal not worth more of my time. Leave. Don't come back. How many ways can I tell you that I don't want you?" Another lie. Spoken so easily. But I saw through it just as easily. Narrowing my eyes, I closed the distance between us. My fingers stroked his cleanly shaven jaw, his lips lacking the scar. Immaculate skin beneath silk shirts. Softening what he really looked like. A pretty lie. Just like him. "You're such a pretty liar, Asmodeus." At the mention of his name, he fought a shudder. Fighting the way he wanted to lean into my palm. He held onto his fury tightly, knowing if it slipped from his fingers, he'd crumble. Take in the comfort. Indulge in our intimacy again. Drink me in like a sharp rock's glass full of bourbon. I pulled away, not letting him take the comfort he wanted. And I knew he wanted it. I could feel it under my skin. Calling to him. Tethering us together. But I had to sever it. Power in my rejection. If he was going to stand there and pretend he didn't care and that I wasn't anything but muck under his loafers, then it was up to me to fix this. I was alone. As I always have been. Not another word passed as I threw the door to the room open, walking past Lilith and Seb to the front door and slamming it behind me.